Tuesday, February 26, 2008

A Return to His Hinesland


Hines Ward:
Is gleat, gleat honol to leeturn to South Koleea for inaugulation of super fantastic head of govelment foll rife, Ree Myung-bak. Me shower you with etelnity of smirre and good foltune. Wish you many year plospelity and toterr victolee in batter against enemy. Sterrpid enemy.

Lee Myung-bak: Yes, yes, Thank you, Hines.

We must move from the age of ideology into the age of pragmatism. At times over the last 10 years, we found ourselves faltering and confused, but now, we will take with us our achievements as well as the lessons we learned from our failures and start anew. At the juncture when we are beginning another 60 years of the Republic, I hereby declare the year 2008 as the starting year for the advancement of the Republic of Korea.

Hines: Errrrrr. Why you no terr me inaugulation so bowling? If I want risten to bowling speech, I ask Tloy Perramaroo about Jesus. Rong hair equal rong speech.

We have songtime foll gleat joyous occasion!



[Singing along] Foll werr you know that it's a ferr who prays it cerr while making his wolrd a rittle corder. NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH-NAH NAH NAH

I feer rike me in Loyal Tenebaums now!

Lee Myung-bak: That's wonderful, Hines.

I would also like to take this moment to acknowledge our honored guest, the United States Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.


Based on the deep mutual trust that exists between the two peoples, it is in our best interest to strengthen our strategic alliance with the United States. Once North Korea abandons its nuclear program and chooses the path to openness, we will provide assistance so that we can raise the per capita income of North Korea to US$3,000 within 10 years.

Hines: Rongfilstname Lice? Me thought Hines was guest of specerr honol! Such betlayar nevel befole seen!

Arways feer gleat affinity foll South Koleea. Arways rook at frag with deep plide.


Wait, rooking now at frag, understanding is come to me. The ying and yang symborize derricate barance between smirre and no smirre. Such is the barance between myserf and Secletely Lice.

Foll gleat wisdom, Plesident Myung-bak!

34 comments:

Big Daddy Drew said...

And den?????????

naptown drew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dan said...

Rongfilstname Lice.....

and even on this shit work day i can now muster a smirre.

Grimey said...

"Hey, rook at them prush cars... them things are HUUGE!"

"Yep, that's right, Tiny Yoko!"

naptown drew said...

I don't know if I can handle reading interchanging passages of dialogue between Hines and a non-Asian speaker. I think my brain just melted down the back of my skull.

/my third attempt at posting this comment (first I misspelled dialogue, then brain)

futuremrsrickankiel said...

The ying and yang symborize derricate barance between smirre and no smirre.

My god that's beautiful.

Upstate Underdog said...

How has Kia or Hyundai not hired Ward as their spokesman ?

John S. said...

I know I am welcoming ire by admitting this, but Condi is on my "top ten women I want to have sex with".

John S. said...

... list.

(left that word out, sorry)

Barney said...

Mannee mannee teals rowing down face.

hi there mary said...

"If I want risten to bowling speech, I ask Tloy Perramaroo about Jesus."

I think for entertainment he should ask Phirrip Rivers about chastity.

quiet strength said...

Of course, we have to mention Lee Myung-bak's historic speeches...

"You want five hundred dolla? You want five hundred dolla? Five hundred dolla! Five hundred dolla! Five hundred dolla!"

BaCsonkaDonk said...

You should lite about Hines Wald's favolite supelhelo:

Bally Arren, the Frash!

ciarannh said...

Bravo on managing to find the Asian kid! Didn't think he'd go all Hines on us until he said "to make it berrer"

Undead Zombie Horde said...

man, I don't know what it is about the Hines posts but I can't read them at work anymore unless I am actively looking to get fired.

18-1 said...

South Korean citizen: I thought you big-time aflete.

Hines: Me am. Play foortball fol Pittsburk Steerers. Catch passes frum big gay Ben Rothslentsname.

Citizen: You joke. No aflete without skates. What foortball?

smurphette said...

I am having an absolutely miserable day, and your timing could not have been better. I think I actually hate the Steelers a little less because of these posts.

The ying and yang symborize derricate barance between smirre and no smirre.

Just . . . wow.

Jim U. said...

@BDD No And Den, No And Den!!!

devin hester's speech coach said...

That one picture of Hines is awesome. Arways reave me with big smirre.

/ROR

Leaking Geek said...

@John S:

Hel Brack Boots make my fuzzy palts arr tingry.

-Seclet shame revearred

futuremrsrickankiel said...

@smurphette: Turn that flown upside-down.

Perhaps some more pictures of Michael Bowden would cheer you up?

quiet strength said...

A Patriots fan cheering up a Colts fan...Not even Obama can bring people together quite like KSK...

It's beautiful.

Otto Man said...

I know I am welcoming ire by admitting this, but Condi is on my "top ten women I want to have sex with".

So your turn-ons include gross incompetence and a voice that sounds like she's about to cry?

Otto Man said...

A Patriots fan cheering up a Colts fan...Not even Obama can bring people together quite like KSK...

Dogs and cats, living together.

Except since this is a post about Korea, I'd keep an eye on that dog.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

@ Otto - Also raging bitch comes to mind.

shouldBworkin said...

@bacsonkadonk

Shit! I completely missed your link a couple of hours ago. Quality find!

/wipes away teals of raughler

Ben said...

Smirre rike you mean it, Hines...

BEHM777 said...

I was waiting for the lil' tyke to start playing the guitar with his teeth, ala Jimi Hendlix. I do wonder why he is between two Volkswagon New Beetles instead of two Hyundai Sante Fes.

@ john s. I hate saying this as well, but there is something sexy about Dr. Evil, I mean, Dr. Rice. Must be something about me and dangerous women. Oh, and I saw her first!

smurphette said...

@futuremrs: Yes, those would help, thank you for your compassion :) Opening day tickets go on sale for our new stadium next week and I am soooo excited.

/sorry for referencing the b-word

bfreakin3 said...

My world will literally crumble if I hear Hines gives an interview on ESPN that's totally eloquent and void of this hilarious stereotyped dialect.

bravo.

Ben said...

this shit never fayerrs to blighten my day

Marmatard said...

Loyal Tenebaums

Hate to be a nit but shoudn't that be Loyar Tenbaums?

Clayton Bigsby said...

These hines Ward things slay me

http://notsocalm.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/racist-lolcat-2.jpg

John said...

Lol. Pretty freaking awesome.