The celebrity Super Bowl pick is a time-honored tradition, one we at KSK are super fucking excited to be a part of, as we have in the past. For the next two weeks, stars from the world of entertainment, politics, and more will drop by to make their picks for the big game in the Pink Taco! Up next, it's MSNBC anchor Keith Olbermann!
As someone intimately familiar with both the worlds of sport and politics, I can say with only the utmost certainty that each is populated with the same villainous archetype: the furtive, pusillanimous but ultimately cocksure abusers of power bent on the realization of any goal, no matter how dastardly, at any cost, no matter how inimical.
By now, after seven years, we know it to be too true of this White House, controlled and cruelly engineered as it is by Vice President Dick Cheney.
[Shakes head in disgust]
But we find it all too evident in the NFL as well, purportedly a world of meritocracy, where only the truly great can achieve the ultimate prize, there underlies an ugly truth. As we were raised with the fiction that any man could grow up to be president, only those capable of backroom dealing and deception can be a Super Bowl champion.
This Patriots team - arrogating a persona which bespeaks liberty, valor and righteousness - in reality stands in a decided, calculated counterpoise. Have you no sense of decency, sirs? At long last, have you no decency?
Is it mere coincidence that the same man, Sen. Arlen Specter, who has taken a stand against George W. Bush on matters of overreaching on national security, has taken the NFL to task for its shameful decision to allow the Patriots to bend the rules with near impunity? It stands to reason that it is not.
[Shakes head in disgust]
Edward R. Murrow once said, "We can deny our heritage and our history, but we cannot escape responsibility for the result. There is no way for a citizen of a republic to abdicate his responsibilities. As a nation we have come into our full inheritance at a tender age. We proclaim ourselves, as indeed we are, the defenders of freedom, wherever it continues to exist in the world, but we cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home."
See how that confers on me an air of gravitas? Quoting Murrow all the time? He was a beacon of journalistic integrity because he smoked a lot and had a really deep voice. Like the James Earl Jones of whities.
That is why I am calling for following:
The Giants of New York to score 27 points, one for each of the amendments to our nation's founding document, the lifeblood of democracy, for which a win by the Giants surely strikes a blow.
Similarly, those lowly, cowardly, would-be Patriots be held to no more than 10 points, mirroring the number of Commandments that they break with each passing day. I am a man of complexity. I know life is full of gradations and gray areas, but I know with every truth-seeking bone in my body that this team is nothing less than the full embodiment of evil.
And so good night, and good luck.