If you were with us last Thursday, you may have read our little goof on Tony Kornheiser’s radio show. I, of course, wouldn’t have been able to write that post without enjoying ol’ Korny’s radio work from time to time. He can annoying on occasion, and even be a little bit Jackie Harvey-esque. But he’s not that bad. And hey, at least he’s not the fucking Junkies.
Well anyway, perhaps by coincidence and perhaps not, Kornheiser on Friday got his latkes in a twist and went on a rather epic tirade against the ol’ blog folk. Our friends Steinz penned the transcript, and he notes that:
a few minutes later he was again ranting about "sources" and saying "if you want to talk to me, just call me, don't talk to "sources close to kornheiser," " or something like that, which made me think he might have been talking about dcrtv, which is forever posting rumors about the future of the tony kornheiser show.
So Kornheiser may not have been bitching about us directly. But, for the sake of our entertainment on a Monday, let’s just assume he was. It’s time for me to refute you, Mr. Tony! And no amount of throat-clearing or nasal whining from you will be enough to stop it! Here’s the rant. It should be noted, of course, that this rant was couched into a greater discussion about “American Idol”. Of course it was.
And I don't want to single anybody out in this area, but, you know, some people sit at home and they watch TV and they watch radio
They watch radio? Now there’s a trick.
and they "blog" about certain "things," and they think they know what they're talking about, and they think they have sources. They have no sources. They make stuff up.
No argument there.
They're toads. They're little toads.
Pfft. Me? A toad? I am a fucking PRINCE, TK. I have a thick mane of lustrous hair that women often ask to run their fingers through. It is true that, if you lick me, you will experience freaky hallucinations. But that’s only because of the astringent I use to clean my back, which is remarkably free of blemishes. I’m adorable. You should have seen the way Smurphette looked at me on Thursday night.
Actually, they're pimples on the behind of the greater body politic in this country and in this city.
I just told you that I use astringent, dammit. I’m much more of a barnacle, or some form of symbiotic bacteria that feeds off the city while helping to keep it clean in return.
And because, because they have access to airwaves and three or four people read them, they think, 'Oh, I'm very important.'
Shows what he knows. Check the Sitemeter, BITCH. It’s way more than 4 people. Try 7 or 8. Is it time for a tired mother’s basement joke? Oh, yes.
In fact, if a huge dumpster landed on their mother's house
In Connecticut? That would suck. Then I’d have to drive all the way up there. To help with the cleanup and what not. Damn you, Mom. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE SO FRAIL?!
and, and got all the way into the basement and crushed them,
Oh, because I presumably live there! That’s hilarious! Aldridge is falling out of his chair right now!
nobody would care. Nobody would miss them.
My kid would. But it’s about time she toughened up. Always going on and on about needing her ducky. Well kid, Daddy’s not always gonna be around to get your ducky for you, god dammit.
They provide nothing good, no service that's any good at all.
Yes, but what about all the evil we provide? It’s locally grown and extremely fresh. Great for spring salads and herb aiolis.
They, they are, they are, they are sucking mole rats, and that's the nicest I can be to them.
Oh, no! A sucking mole rat!
But because, because they have a name, or, they, you know, because they get feedback from others, you know, they think they're very important. Randy and Paula think the show can't go on without them.
Okay, so this seems to be directed mainly at American Idol bloggers, and of course, all bloggers in general. Because all the people who write anything online are EXACTLY the same, and all of them are collectively TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE people. They’re so CYNICAL and SARCASTIC, which is Tony’s schtick! What a bunch of talentless DOPES! I wish a dumpster would fall from the sky and kill their mothers too. Because that’s funny!
Well, if you want a feud with bloggers, Tony, you got it. Hope you aren't afraid to get your combover mussed. Because you'll never know what those irresponsible blog folks will try and pull!