Monday, February 25, 2008

OMG! TK NOT OK WITH KSK TKO!!!!11!!!!11!1!


If you were with us last Thursday, you may have read our little goof on Tony Kornheiser’s radio show. I, of course, wouldn’t have been able to write that post without enjoying ol’ Korny’s radio work from time to time. He can annoying on occasion, and even be a little bit Jackie Harvey-esque. But he’s not that bad. And hey, at least he’s not the fucking Junkies.

Well anyway, perhaps by coincidence and perhaps not, Kornheiser on Friday got his latkes in a twist and went on a rather epic tirade against the ol’ blog folk. Our friends Steinz penned the transcript, and he notes that:

a few minutes later he was again ranting about "sources" and saying "if you want to talk to me, just call me, don't talk to "sources close to kornheiser," " or something like that, which made me think he might have been talking about dcrtv, which is forever posting rumors about the future of the tony kornheiser show.

So Kornheiser may not have been bitching about us directly. But, for the sake of our entertainment on a Monday, let’s just assume he was. It’s time for me to refute you, Mr. Tony! And no amount of throat-clearing or nasal whining from you will be enough to stop it! Here’s the rant. It should be noted, of course, that this rant was couched into a greater discussion about “American Idol”. Of course it was.

And I don't want to single anybody out in this area, but, you know, some people sit at home and they watch TV and they watch radio

They watch radio? Now there’s a trick.

and they "blog" about certain "things," and they think they know what they're talking about, and they think they have sources. They have no sources. They make stuff up.

No argument there.

They're toads. They're little toads.

Pfft. Me? A toad? I am a fucking PRINCE, TK. I have a thick mane of lustrous hair that women often ask to run their fingers through. It is true that, if you lick me, you will experience freaky hallucinations. But that’s only because of the astringent I use to clean my back, which is remarkably free of blemishes. I’m adorable. You should have seen the way Smurphette looked at me on Thursday night.

Actually, they're pimples on the behind of the greater body politic in this country and in this city.

I just told you that I use astringent, dammit. I’m much more of a barnacle, or some form of symbiotic bacteria that feeds off the city while helping to keep it clean in return.

And because, because they have access to airwaves and three or four people read them, they think, 'Oh, I'm very important.'

Shows what he knows. Check the Sitemeter, BITCH. It’s way more than 4 people. Try 7 or 8. Is it time for a tired mother’s basement joke? Oh, yes.

In fact, if a huge dumpster landed on their mother's house

In Connecticut? That would suck. Then I’d have to drive all the way up there. To help with the cleanup and what not. Damn you, Mom. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE SO FRAIL?!

and, and got all the way into the basement and crushed them,

Oh, because I presumably live there! That’s hilarious! Aldridge is falling out of his chair right now!

nobody would care. Nobody would miss them.

My kid would. But it’s about time she toughened up. Always going on and on about needing her ducky. Well kid, Daddy’s not always gonna be around to get your ducky for you, god dammit.

They provide nothing good, no service that's any good at all.

Yes, but what about all the evil we provide? It’s locally grown and extremely fresh. Great for spring salads and herb aiolis.

They, they are, they are, they are sucking mole rats, and that's the nicest I can be to them.

Oh, no! A sucking mole rat!

But because, because they have a name, or, they, you know, because they get feedback from others, you know, they think they're very important. Randy and Paula think the show can't go on without them.

Okay, so this seems to be directed mainly at American Idol bloggers, and of course, all bloggers in general. Because all the people who write anything online are EXACTLY the same, and all of them are collectively TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE people. They’re so CYNICAL and SARCASTIC, which is Tony’s schtick! What a bunch of talentless DOPES! I wish a dumpster would fall from the sky and kill their mothers too. Because that’s funny!

Well, if you want a feud with bloggers, Tony, you got it. Hope you aren't afraid to get your combover mussed. Because you'll never know what those irresponsible blog folks will try and pull!

45 comments:

Pemulis said...

To be fair, a whole lot of people think Diablo Cody is a talentless dope, and I wouldn't be opposed to a dumpster falling on her.

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/diablo-cody-screenplay.php

Big Daddy Drew said...

I changed it, pem. I forgot lots of people hate that movie (I haven't seen it).

Pemulis said...

also, I've always kind of wondered where the whole idea that bloggers live in their mothers basements came from. like, i get it, they live with their parents, har-har. theyre losers and have no lives. that much i can follow. but when and where did the basement come into play? I don't think I've ever known anyone who lived in their parents basement, blogging or otherwise. looks like i just found a project for myself!

ciarannh said...

sucking mole rats? are you fucking kidding Tony? There is not another man on earth that manages to integrate the physical attributes of both a mole and a rat as much as kornheiser does

SonOfSpam said...

I hope all y'all at KSK are appropriately humbled now; be careful, or Tony will play the "probably listen to rap music" card next.

/today is a good day

Five Pound Bag said...

TK vs. KSK >> Klitschko vs. Ibragimov

Why? Because your fight matters.

Or Moyal said...

Heh, good to see you channeling Ken Tremendous.

Nick said...

I heard it. He was going after dcrtv. No question about it. He hates the guy.

Big Daddy Drew said...

I heard it. He was going after dcrtv. No question about it. He hates the guy.

Yeah, I figgered.

feep said...

For the record I love watching my radio. Other hobbies include watching paint dry and the seasonal adventures of watching grass grow.

Big Jim Slade said...

Logic 101: If TK had a blog, you know it would suck. If Ape, BDD, Leitch, et al. had shows on TWWL, you know they would be awesome.

Not nutswinging here, just stating the obvious.

Joe said...

It's no secret that Tony is extremely insecure about this success. Anytime someone criticizes him, MNF, PTI, WaPo columns, he always comes back with these kind of rants. I love PTI but he definitely douches it up sometimes.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Can we get a "Haha, your medium is dying" tag?

JAMMQ said...

You're banging Smurphette?

Big Daddy Drew said...

Uh, no. That was a joke. Although Smurph is a lovely gal.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

The term is i-fucking.

/hates self

JAMMQ said...

(everyone in the studio laughs for no reason)

naptown drew said...

I am a fucking PRINCE, TK.

So this is what it sounds like when Drews cry?

twoeightnine said...

I was watching PTI on Thursday or Friday and TK and J.A. were talking about the UPENN report that said Jeter sucks at defense. The both basically called it bullshit because it was produced by a professor. A professor! Can you believe that. Everyone knows that the only people who can provide you hard-hitting analysis of sports are those talented hacks in the field of sports journalism. Everyone else is wrong.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

What I wouldn't give to run my hands through BDD's thick lustrous mane again.

/Sigh...

Otto Man said...

Hope you aren't afraid to get your combover mussed.

Oh no! His secret shame!

quiet strength said...

You do not talk to me like that! I am a sports columnist!! That is very important!! That is very important!! You don't talk to me like that!! People are scared of me!! I work too hard to deal with this stuff!! I work too hard!! I drive a Dodge Stratus!! I can do 100 push-ups in twenty minutes!!

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Oh my god... old school Will Ferrell references make me so happy.

the great bambi said...

It's Tony vs. BDD, tell me Wilbon, WHO YA GOT?!?!?!

Greg Schuler said...

Andy Polley!

Well, if you pick a fight with the orange bald and fat one, be aware that his loyal minions are perfectly capable of a internet jihad.

MoonshineMike said...

WHAT'S THE OVER/UNDER ON THIS ON, WE GO TO OUR OWN ANTHONY JOSEPH BIG DADDY DREW REALI!

I like to listen to him, even though he is a gasbag. He at least admits it, in a semi-self-deprecating way.

Can I love this feud if I sent TK an intro spot for his radio show?

Drew, why not send one in? "This is big daddy drew the blogger, and while I was in my mom's basement this is what happened yesterday on the TK show..."

JAMMQ said...

It's Tony vs. BDD, tell me Wilbon, WHO YA GOT?!?!?!

Am I surpised these so-called "bloggers" have come after Tony? No, no I am not.

Do I think they are funny? Not in the least.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

Still better than listening to anything on ESPN radio these days. Christ that place has gone to shit.


Also one of my favorite Will Ferrel SNL moments.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=17715932

brad said...

So, Smurphette, when you looked at Drew the other day, what exactly were you under the influence of?

Personally, I suspect Drew saw that Planters commercial with the ugly redhead one too many times.

Chamomiles Davis said...

Here's a new action bracket for T.K.: [mouth flies open].

Is watching the radio like dancing about architecture?

Ryan L said...

I like the Junkies!

Leaking Geek said...

Kornhoser is EXACTLY the kind of mouth-breathing navel-gazer from the MSM who needs to be called to the mat for his whiny-assed generalizations about the blogosphere. His raging insecurity is second in total mass only to his raging ego.

/jumps off soapbox

Joe said...

i havent lived in DC for five years, but i remember liking the junkies back then. am i just remembering wrong? do they suck now?

devin hester's speech coach said...

BDD, maybe you can bait him into doing something drastic, perhaps a full-scale profanity-laced on air tirade. Anything to get his goofy ass out of the MNF booth.

/crosses fingers

smurphette said...

Actually, Drew, I was looking at Ape.

@brad: I guess you could call it "went there straight from work, so I didn't eat dinner, and drank a lot of beer."

Big Daddy Drew said...

"am i just remembering wrong? do they suck now?"

Yes and yes. Unless you like 8th grade PG county lingo. That girl is URTING!

From the other side of town said...

F--k him, KSK. He ain't Peter King but he could be KSK's next bitch. I say bring it to his front door, set it on fire, ring his doorbell, and then watch him get to stomping.

Hey Tony, KSK has humor that makes me laugh and that entertains me. Your show bombed in the Chicago market, you're self-centered and overly insecure (because you really don't know jack about sports). Bee-yatch.

SlideShow Bob said...

I was in complete agreement with u until i rememberd that Stephen A. now has a blog.

BEHM777 said...

The Junkies try WAY too hard to be relevant, which of course makes them irrelevant. As for TK, he is like heroin: I can only deal with him in very small doses.

/nods

Boney said...

The Junkies are silly!

Dr Sak said...

TK is talking about you right now!

John John The Bastard said...

They're toads. They're little toads.

Are they hypno-toads? Because in the future everybody loves Hypnotoads.

Mooby said...

They're toads. They're little toads. Actually, they're pimples on the behind of the greater body politic in this country and in this city.

And because, because they have access to airwaves and three or four people (watch) them, they think, 'Oh, I'm very important.'

In fact, if a huge dumpster landed on their mother's house and, and got all the way into the basement and crushed them, nobody would care. Nobody would miss them.

They provide nothing good, no service that's any good at all.

They, they are, they are, they are sucking mole rats, and that's the nicest I can be to them.

But because, because they have a name, or, they, you know, because they get feedback from others, you know, they think they're very important.

----

One could assume from reading all that right there that TK was talking about the media and not bloggers.

Otto Man said...

Because in the future everybody loves Hypnotoads.

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!

15 said...

TK is only close 2nd to Rome in the no-talent ass clown category