Sunday, February 10, 2008

NO, PLEASE FOOTBALL! NO! YOU CAN'T GO! NNNNOOOO

I don't care that the writers' strike is ending. I don't care about college basketball, baseball, hockey or the NBA. I don't care that Mario Kart is coming out for the Wii packaged with an awesome wheel interface. I kinda care about the ScarJo-Penelope Cruz love scene, but not enough to compensate for the no-football induced softie.

I applaud the NFL for, unlike other sports, saving its meaningless superstar spectacle for the end of the season. Could you imagine the Pro Bowl happening after Week 8 and counting as every team's bye week? The scary thing is if some large foreign country promised to hold it at that time, the Rog would totally make it happen.

But the Pro Bowl is a largely unwatchable tease of what we'll all be missing between now and training camp. Free agent acquisitions and the draft are fine temporary divertisements, but it's like reading erotic fiction to supplant your love life. Imagining how some rookie or signing might shape my team is about as fulfilling Mr. Garrison's "Great American Romance Novel."

No, football, nnnnnooooooo! Just stay a little longer. Please? Cmon, what's the rush? You can have Emmitt say something incoherent. I don't care!

15 comments:

Wormfather said...

But look at the bright side. The New England Patriots are not your Super Bowl Champions.

That thought will be enough to get me through till april...

Or maybe I'll just watch that other futbol.

Warning Track Power said...

I wipe my own ass. I wipe my own ass!

Colts and Hoosiers Fan said...

May September come quickly, maybe God will kinda enough to put me in a coma until then.

J said...

no football make ksk something something

Go crazy?

MDT said...

Mario Kart won't be complete until it's packaged with an actual blue shell that you can bludgeon the guy sitting next to you into a bloody pulp with.

Fucking blue shells. We hates them.

Pemulis said...

i played so much mario kart 64 i can still remember the exact details of all the battle levels. which is at the same time awesome and depressing, considering how high i was when i played it. Personally, I was always Wario or Donkey Kong - at least in battles. Slower, maybe. But if you timed it right when the lights were changing, you could make someone lose a balloon by bumping into them right off the bat. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my basement to try and find my n64. Did they even make any games for that system besides mario kart and goldeneye?

Zamboni said...

@ j: "Don't mind if I do!!!"

QueeferSuthrland said...

Dude, less than a month until SUPER SMASH BROS BRAWL.

Be excited, be VERY excited.

/has a raging clue
/shits pants

It's blump-o-licious

QueeferSuthrland said...

And speaking of shit, here's a terrific pic of Osi with some lovely ladies in Hawaii:

http://myespn.go.com/blogs/hashmarks/0-5-387/Hey--Osi--having-fun-in-Hawaii-.html

linkage

Someone already has the "$3000 x 2 =" joke down, but hopefully Drew can make good from this.

naptown drew said...

@pemulis

To this day, I still maintain the Zelda: Ocarina of Time game is one of the best ever. Other than that and the two games you mentioned (although the Super Mario Bros. game did seem pretty cool when it first came out), I found the N64 pretty forgettable.

Slim said...

@naptown/pemulis

Holy fuck - I thought I had lost the braincells that played goldeneye and ocarina and mario kart until 4 am many nights...but I'm remembering some things now, including where I put that glass bong I hid sophomore year when those games were all we accomplished....

/logs on to wii-shop to download ocarina of time

/loses wife and kid after ignoring them for 4 weeks

Jackin'4Beats said...

Looks like Purple Jesus finished off the season right with the Pro Bowl MVP. I think Drew will be drunk blogging tomorrow in celebration. Ain't that right Drew?

Bishop: AYO DREEWWWWWWWWWWW?

Tom Holzerman said...

I had a dream that Penn State was playing Miami the week after the Super Bowl. I wondered to myself, how is that going to work with the NT being decided last month? But then, I woke up, right as the Pats were letting the Eagles score the game-winning touchdown in the Super Bowl.

I musta ate something funky that day. I mean srsly.

Dr.VanNostren said...

@ pemulis

Had a chronically induced Goldeneye tourney over the weekend. Orminov rules w/ that commie hat!!

/needs a life

LewDog said...

I've played me some silly amounts of halos 1-3 but combined they dont near the hours, nay, the months lost to goldeneye.

lil oddjob, lil golden gun. holy sh*t good times.