Thursday, February 21, 2008

You Want a Navy Man Who Cheats on His Wife? Why Didn't You Say So, America?


I could've been hitting the campaign trail months ago. Wes Welker would've been stumping for me. I wouldn't have lost a single white vote. Even better, unlike that fogey McCain, I'm actually in favor of spying on folks.

Okay, okay, looks like Mexico Juan got the jump on me in ballin' outside the vows of marriage, but, hey, I didn't deny it. That's accountability, people.

And as you saw from the Super Bowl, I'm in favor of pulling out before the job is done in Iraq. Provided we're still losing, of course. Sounds like the surge is going okay though, so we might stick around for a bit.

You know what the Supreme Court could use more of? Old white linebackers. I think Chris Spielman is worth a look, don't you? His originalist views on the Constitution really appeal to me, as does his white skin. Coach him up, Scalia!

So, in closing, vote for me or Robert Kraft will sell the country to the Russians. Fuck you, and God bless mumblemumblemumblemumblemumble

28 comments:

smurphette said...

Bravo, sir. The SCOTUS paragraph is particularly good, although Nino prefers his puppets on the bench to have a darker complexion.

blackheartededitor said...

"Fuck you, and God bless."

Ah, that was a great way to start of my morning. And will be a great way to end every conversation for the next week or so.

Zamboni said...

Shouldn't this have a "kill kill kill" tag?

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Belichick cleans up surprisingly well. I wonder which of his suburban slampieces picked out that nice cornflower blue tie for him?

SonOfSpam said...

Finally -- someone wicked bettah than that dahkie Obamahhhh.

smurphette said...

suburban slampieces = quality alliteration

The Last Unitard said...

Needs more funny.

Otto Man said...

You know what the Supreme Court could use more of? Old white linebackers.

Nah, he wants more running backs like Justice Byron "Whizzer" White.

Or maybe defensive ends, like Osi "Pooper" Umenyiora.

Otto Man said...

Oh, and as far as McCain goes, I dare any of you to look at this lovely photo of him and his current wife and still suggest he'd ever cheat on her.

I'm guessing her dominatrix outfit is an effort to appeal to the pro-torture wing of the GOP.

Moof! said...

A Sieg Heil or Praise Satan would have been a more appropriate consummation of the Belicheat adress.

SlideShow Bob said...

And u wonderd why they called it the Patriot act?

KC Cal said...

You know he was dying to just rip that sweater out of Bush's hand and put it on.

JAMMQ said...

I think the fact McCain is running around banging women into his 70's is a positive, not a negative.

At what point do these Pats jokes get tired?

(just asking)

JAMMQ said...

And I know I'm opening myself up for a

/just answering

response.

Christmas Ape said...

The expiration date on the package of Pats jokes says 2014, but I bet they keep a little longer than that.

the great bambi said...

@ otto

well after spending years in a vietnamese prison camp he probably misses that dominatrix shit

@ kc cal

you mean rip out of his hands, rip off the sleeve, THEN he can put it on

J.L. White said...

Compared to Belichick, Dick Cheney comes across as a care-free cherub who tosses flowers to young lovers and plays merrily from a tiny harp.

JAMMQ said...

2014 it is . . .

That Belichick is such a cheater.

Tom Brady's Man Chowder said...

What's the expiration date on those condoms you've had since highschool?

Christmas Ape said...

I don't know. How old are you?

My Insignificant Life said...

@ ape and @ jammq

Youknow, if you keep them in the freezer, they'll last forever. They can be thawed/heated/frozen/thawed/heated/frozen......

dick_gozinia said...

Belicheat v Obama in Massachusetts...


99.8% - 0.2%

"Who let tha two fackin dahkies vote???"

The Last Unitard said...

+10 Ape.

Pemulis said...

@ my insignificant

I was always taught that to keep them fresh you had to poke air holes in them before storing, to let them breathe

Pemulis said...

and after my kid was born I swore I'd never listen to Travis Henry again

Tom Brady's Man Chowder said...

old enough to know who pemulis is, young enough to love dick/boner/fart/poop jokes

Otto Man said...

Shouldn't the initials on a Pats sweatshirt read "HGH"?

Feta said...

Only if it belongs to Rodney Harrison.