Monday, February 11, 2008

Wild Tigers Hines Has Known

In day past, I no want watch Plo Bewrr with sterrpid Ben Rongrastname flowing barrs to T.J. Rongrastname. Ben take wiff him arr rhinemen to Plo Bewr but they no brock for him arr season and he have high numbel sack. But no take leceivel? I think he head is firred with wind and ghosts.

I spend day looking at animerr in zoo to leerax. Foll some lesion, animerr not in smirre mood. Maybe because Tom Brady was made terr reave foll teasing monkeys.

What matter, Ryan? You all selious cat arr the time! I thought Ryan king of jungerr. Or numbel shree team in NFC North. You finish more high than Berrrs. You make smirre now! Prease!

What is with animerr today? Monkey is s'posed to be jubirrant and prayferr. You rook rike you contemprating gleat mystelies of rife. Rife is no mystalee. To riv is terr smirre.

Why rong face, Misser Errepants? Harr. I make fun for you! No rhett chain of opplession bling you down. At reast ivory deerer no interested in you.

Arr light! I rike you, Misser Birry Goat. You have the spilit to rift me out of dordlums. Rest of animerr need be rike you. We be friend before Kyerr Olton stearr youl neck beald.

I give you smirre in leeturn!


Zookeeper: Hey! Help! Security! One of the billy goats has gotten loose!

Hines: No. I think you in mistake! Prease leemove hands flom me. Where you take me?

Herrrp!

40 comments:

the great bambi said...

"To riv is terr smirre."

that is the most profound thing anyone has said about anything ever

MMP said...

Damn zookeepers and their profiling ways.

quiet strength said...

Good thing they got Brady out of there before he made it to the billy goat pen...

Josh said...

"I think he head is firred with wind and ghosts."

Wow. Now if you can just animate Hines' thoughts in a way that resembles an acid trip, we'd have another Spirited Away on our hands.

Ray said...

/shrow crap

Rally Monkey Spanker said...

I hope he didn't dlive to zoo.

Can you only get into a half accident? Maybe a mixed one?

/apologizing for lack of ancestral worship

Christmas Ape said...

Rack of comments no make me smirre.

Pemulis said...

I showed this to my asian friend and he.... oh who am i kidding, i wouldn't befriend an asian, but i guess I would visit one at the zoo if the weather was nice and the exhibit looked interesting.

Pemulis said...

and yes by "zoo exhibit" i meant piano/violin/math recital

Wormfather said...

Off Season Adventures of Michael Vick...you've been put on notice.

SonOfSpam said...

Raffing hyenas tlying too hald.

Nashville Steeler Fan said...

Ape, ya know...the goat looks a lot like Hines Ward/ Funny because true

Bobby Steels said...

"Rife is no mystalee. To riv is terr smirre."

This floored me. I had to drop what I was doing in order to reexamine my life. I too much flown, not enough smirre.

J said...

Rack of comments no make me smirre.

Beclaws takee me fo owls to undelstands.

But makee me smirre.

Awful Chief said...

You have quite a gift, Ape. I make smirre follest of day!

smurphette said...

Smirre, Ape, tuln that flown uhside down :)

John said...

Post make me smirre. And clack up in crass. Shit!

Francois Leroux Speedskater said...

Ape, someday I wirr get filed from my job for leading this. But it's okay, I stirr smirre rots!

J.L. White said...

You know what the funniest thing is about these posts, Ape? If an Asian person were to read it verbatim, it'd sound perfectly normal. Why don't they just do that with everything they read out loud?

the great bambi said...

@ jl white

for the same reason Chieng ming wang is spelled "wang" but pronounced "wong", "Yi" is pronounced "E" and "Xiang" could be "shang," "zyang," "chang," or "good day," someone decided long ago that even though japan, china, and korea don't have an alphabet, we won't spell thing phonetically and instead just make up whatever sound we want for our own bloody letters, thus, it may say "smile" but after all the other crazy pronunciations, they get confused and instead give you a gleat big smirre

Big Tex said...

i no get it? hines no visit pandar berr?

Kyle321N said...

Hines no rike panda berr beclaws of Supel Bowr Commelciar. It make him Ang Lee

John said...

Xmas Ape, I am your hugest fan, but Hines Ward isn't quite as good as your genius Marmalard or Pats-taunting posts.

Please tell us there will be Marmalard in the near future. I miss him already.

Francois Leroux Speedskater said...

@john

Carr me clazy but I rike these posts even mole than Malmarald

Buh I do wan some Malmarald soon, Ape.

Tom Holzerman said...

That pic of Hines smirring gets me evely time.

Bobby Steels said...

What about a book of "Hines say..." tidbits of wisdom?

For example "Hines say...Man who frow intooshepshun bound to recieve tlash on rawn"

Leaking Geek said...

@Kyle321n:

+1 Ang Lee

Hines Ward Wisdom:
Thror right side fierd OK
Thror reft side fierd OK
Thror dowr middr fierd get crush rike grape.

Otto Man said...

Zookeeper! Zookeeper! Those monkeys are killing each other!

Chip Fu said...

as much as i'd like to preserve my hard-to-get facade...

i smirre.

it feels so good to smirre again.

Becky said...

The hines ward posts are by far my favorite out of everything....please, at least once a week.

me smire when i lead about hines wald

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Shouldn't these be tagged: I'm sulle he's a wondelfurre leceivel?

Man Bear Pig said...

These are twice as funny if you say all the lines aloud in your best Kim Jong Il/City Wok voice.


Kim Jong Il: It will be 911 times 2356.
Chris: My God, that's... I don't even know what that is!
Kim Jong Il: Nobody does!

Tom said...

Someone has bid EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS on the Urtard's Moss jersey.

I don't care if the money goes to charity. That's just fucked up.

romolovescock said...

sweet god i love the quasi racist hines ward posts

Barney said...

When I go to Herr - and I rill - I loowd vellee much likee irf this be one of most top ten leasons they keep me so deep and so rong in Herr.

- Ballnee

Smireesmiree, PA.

Dale said...

I nearly cried laughing at this, especially the smiring part at the end.

Kudos, Chlistmas Ape

Bruce said...

God damn that was funny.

Times like this make me rue the day DHS blocked all *.blogspot sites from work.

Kudos X-mas Ape!

FaCubeItches said...

I get most of these, but what the heck is a "lomorovescock"?

Drave said...

It took me a while to figure out what "Plo Bewr" was, but now I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.

BeckEye said...

I swear I can't read these. I need an English to Chinglish dictionary or something.

And it has nothing to do with me having a case of Jungle Fever for Hines. Or is it Yellow Fever?