Drecksonville vs. Crapapolis. WHO YA GOT?
It's a battle for supremacy in the AFC South, with the quietly powerful and workmanlike (read: boring) Jaguars hosting the Colts, the NFL's top alsoran to the Patriots, and, you know, the defending champs. Jacksonville winning would temper the next soon to be painfully hyped battle of the unbeatens in a few weeks. And we can't have that. Seriously, this week's games are abysmal. WHO YA GOT?
Contestants
Jacksonville Jaguars___________________Indianapolis Colts
Record
4-1______________________5-0
Named for
Andrew Jackson__________________The fucking state it occupies
Bragging rights
Ran for 375 yards on Indy last December____Their bearded white receiver is actually good
Why are you living there?
Those awful Tampa Bay snobs_____Frightened by all the blacks in Gary
"Contributions" to American culture
Limp Bizkit____________________Indianapolis Motor Speedway
Redeeming qualities
Lemme get back to you on that one__________Stole team from Baltimore
Notable former residents
Okay, it's warm in the wintertime__________________Kurt Vonnegut
Favorite form of credit
MJD's goal post ATM___________Tony Dungy's indulgences
Finishing move
Die of boredom_________________Move to Florida, die of boredom
Jacksonville Jaguars___________________Indianapolis Colts
Record
4-1______________________5-0
Named for
Andrew Jackson__________________The fucking state it occupies
Bragging rights
Ran for 375 yards on Indy last December____Their bearded white receiver is actually good
Why are you living there?
Those awful Tampa Bay snobs_____Frightened by all the blacks in Gary
"Contributions" to American culture
Limp Bizkit____________________Indianapolis Motor Speedway
Redeeming qualities
Lemme get back to you on that one__________Stole team from Baltimore
Notable former residents
Okay, it's warm in the wintertime__________________Kurt Vonnegut
Favorite form of credit
MJD's goal post ATM___________Tony Dungy's indulgences
Finishing move
Die of boredom_________________Move to Florida, die of boredom
16 comments:
I believe that the blacks in Gary are even frightened of the blacks in Gary.
There are no winners in this battle. Only the people whose souls have been sucked out, chewed up, and spit back on their faces remain.
Notable blacks from Gary: Glenn Robinson, Michael Jackson*.
*Was actually black when he lived in Gary.
i think i gotta go colts solely for Vonnegut
You go, Ape. We need all the love we can get from parent subsidized hipster wannabe losers.
Jacksonville has football players who complain of racism in the city, while Indianapolis is home to the racists favorite football player . . . Peyton Manning.
People who have vomited there:
Jacksonville - Donovan McNabb
Indianapolis - Everyone in the infield at the Brickyard 400
I just spent a good five minutes trying to scheme up a comment to defend my city's honor. Then I gave up. Fuck.
You go, Ape. We need all the love we can get from parent subsidized hipster wannabe losers.
Wait. Am I a hipster wannabe? Or a wannabe loser?
I'm teetering on the edge!
Wasn't Gary the murder capital of the US a few years back? I guess that explains the moat around Indianapolis...
"while Indianapolis is home to the racists' favorite football player[.]"
did Brady and Romo retire while i was passed out?
You don't have to go quite that far to get away from Gary. People usually move to Merrilville or Chesterton instead.
hey at least jacksonville has a monorail....
You left off Jacksonville's favorite High School... Forrest High School, named after Nathan B Forrest, the founder of the KKK. Our second favorite? Lee High School (guess who that one is named after). Looking at a list of the other 75 High Schools in Jacksonville reads like a Ken Burns documentary.
Jacksonville contributions to society? Freeeeeebird!!!
Wait, I think you guys have it backwards. The blacks live in Gary because there are frightened of all the whites in Indianapolis. Central Indiana is a frightening place. It is not all pink houses and apple pie sodomy of legend.
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