Monday, October 1, 2007

The Lamest Conversation of All Time; Or, There Wasn't Time for a Game of Squash

Friday Evening...

Me: Hi, Eli. Matt. Nice to meet you. Can I get a picture?

Eli Manning: Sure.



Me: Thanks.

Eli: ...

Me: Wow. You're really tall. That doesn't come across on television.

Eli: Well, everyone else is tall, too.

Me: Ah. Well, good luck on Sunday... night, is it?

Eli: Yup. Thanks.

67 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

SCORE!

BigRicks said...

Ufford, I'm shocked, I would've expected your smile to be a lot more forced than his was. But Eli beats you in the forced smile department by a long shot.

Christmas Ape said...

First Namath, now Eli. That's a polar to polar leap across the sexuality spectrum of New York quarterbacks.

Hustler of Culture said...

What happened to the t-shirt and blazer look?

Big Daddy Drew said...

I see Ufford has been studying Simmons' head shot.

My Insignificant Life said...

Now, you need to get a shot w/Grossman...since he has nothing else to do with his time....

Big Daddy Drew said...

Your lowly position as blog commenter makes it impossible for me to respect your scorn

We need a "forgetting your roots" tag to go with that.

BeaverFever said...

What's the chances of those two guys running into to each other on Fire Island ?

Captain Caveman said...

I see Ufford has been studying Simmons' head shot.

Yes, I've been practicing smiling and being white. It's like we're the same person!

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

Your top button appears to have fallen off.

Unsilent Majority said...

Eli has the uneasy smile of a gentile at his first bar mitzvah

JAMMQ said...

Scorn. Scorn. Scorn.

Mike said...

How convenient. Any other time there'd be a "gay gay gay" or "gay quarterbacks" tag. Drew, we need 20ccs of editing privelegs, stat.

Mike said...

Also, that stupid look on his face* makes it even harder to believe he beat the Eagles last night. Oh yeah, Winston Justice. Disregard.

*Eli's face. Ufford, I could never disparage your translucent handsomeness.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Wow, you're short CC.

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

the pirate sloth: Wow, you're short CC.

Ufford: Well, everyone else is short, too.

Matt said...

"Fuck you he's a nice boy"?

Damn, I wish Eli was like Vick.

lieutenant winslow said...

all that signing bonus money and he still wears his dad's suits.

wierd.

BeaverFever said...

Off topic, but I'm thinking after Griese's performance yesterday we might see a "return of the Sex Cannon" post this week.

Otto Man said...

Eli's sporting the forced grin because years of conditioning here in NYC have him expecting a sucker punch at any moment.

Raskolnikov said...

Eli obviously thought he was talking to Richard Patrick.

Hey Man, Nice Shot

Weed Against Speed said...

Besides being a blogger, who knew Ufford also acted in a Wrigley's Extra gum commercial?

Vanilla said...

Why are you standing in a hole?

Jackin'4Beats said...

CC, nice chest ha... oh wait a minute...forget it.

And Eli looks like he needs to take a crap all over the Eagles again to get that constipated look off of his face.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Besides being a blogger, who knew Ufford also acted in a Wrigley's Extra gum commercial?

Can't be. That guy doesn't have a receding hairline.

Ben said...

Huh. Manning's 6'4? I always thought he was shorter. Maybe he wears crocs instead of cleats?

Awful Chief said...

Did you feel weird the first time you went out wearing a blazer over a tee-shirt or an open shirt like that? When you first got into it, did you wear the same blazer each time or did you dive in head first and buy like three different ones?

Steve said...

I bet Eli was nervous to too. What with having his picture taken with his idol Johnny Bravo an all.

twoeightnine said...

Sweet eyebrows.

Captain Caveman said...

When you first got into it, did you wear the same blazer each time or did you dive in head first and buy like three different ones?

Well, I'm a grown man living in one of the world's largest cities. I own several sets of big-boy clothes. But I'm sure you have a much better sense of what I should wear, anonymous sports fan.

Pemulis said...

"Well, I'm a grown man living in one of the world's largest cities. I own several sets of big-boy clothes. But I'm sure you have a much better sense of what I should wear, anonymous sports fan."

More specifically in the borough where blazers are required, even if you're wearing a t-shirt!

AmbientDonkey said...

You know Eli fucked him.

Awful Chief said...

Well, I'm a grown man living in one of the world's largest cities. I own several sets of big-boy clothes. But I'm sure you have a much better sense of what I should wear, anonymous sports fan.

Geez, a simple "FUCK YOU" would have worked. I'm not sure why you feel like I attacked your sense of style. It was just a question from an anonymous blazer-curious sports fan.

Captain Caveman said...

Oh. Sorry, awful chief. I didn't realize anyone was being sincere in this thread.

Fenway said...

Hey, you're cute- Or Fetus Face's Brother just makes you look good.

Either way I'm kind of surprised...at your cuteness and Manning's awful suite/tie combo circa New Bedford MA 1982. He looks like he's headed to the VFW for a Confirmation celebration.

Chamomiles Davis said...

That picture is metro-fabulous.

Chamomiles Davis said...

By the way, which one of you won the Battle of the Chins?

swing4 said...

Calm down about the suit jacket, people. Uff is still the same blogger you've always known and loved. And, by that, I mean he's not wearing pants.

swing4 said...

Also, add headgear and blond hair, and Eli would look just like Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles. Hott.

Crazy Little Thing said...

Eli: "Sorry to hear about you and Britney."

CC: "Um, I'm not--yeah, it was tough. But I'm working through it."

Eli: "I sure liked those Nationwide commercials, though."

CC: "Um, thanks. Hey, I have a blog--"

Eli: "Could you get me in one of those commercials? I'm trying to catch up with Pey-Pey."

CC: "Um, I'm not actually Fed--wait, you call your brother Pey-Pey?"

Eli, just at the moment the above photo was taken: "Um, I'm not actually Eli Manning."

janie said...

I see Eli is trying out the cheaper end of the escort market.

Chamomiles Davis said...

CC: I was in the Marines.

EM: Really?

CC: Yeah, I tell people every chance I get.

EM: That's cool.

CC: I fought for your fucking freedom, you know.

EM: Well, um, thanks for doing that. I was going to join the Marines, but they said they don't let (mumbles something incoherent).

CC: What was that last part?

EM: Nothing. Let's get that picture taken, huh? (smiles awkwardly)

Happy Fun Miles said...

Eli Manning in: The Land of Inferior Brothers:
http://kitnaback.blogspot.com/2007/09/eli-manning-in-land-of-inferior.html

Sorry, couldn't resist the plug considering the timing.

mamacita said...

no, yum

dick_gozinia said...

This is like getting your picture taken with Frank Stallone. Totally unimpressive and pretty sad.

Captain Caveman said...

+1 Dick

J.L. White said...

It's not like I expected you to do it, or anything Matt, but a quick Jay Feeley jab or even "Hey, even a drunken Scott Norwood with vertigo, who had to pee REALLY bad, would have nailed at least ONE of those three field goals."

I say that, knowing full well I'd have been just as polite as you in the same situation.

Ben said...

Bad form comparing Matt to Simmons.

After all, I'm sure Matt is doing better than having 5,300 people pick NFL games better than him against the spread.

http://games.espn.go.com/pigskin/group?groupID=10463&entryIDFrom=25746&startPos=5300

The question is, was this a Guillotine or a Stomach Punch?

Laser Rocket Arm said...

You totally had your hands on each other's ass, didn't you?

Otto Man said...

I'm sure you have a much better sense of what I should wear, anonymous sports fan.

Me-owwww!

Watch out, boys. This kitten's got claws!

deafjeff said...

I don't know why, but I've always pictured the Marines to have a minimum height requirement. Maybe they add your smartass quotient to get you to the big boy line. Or maybe THE UFF stood on his tippy toes?

swing4 said...

I've always pictured KSK comments to have a minimum humor content requirement. Guess we were both wrong, deafjeff.

Bloof said...

At least Eli looks showered.

Bloof said...

The guy on the right cleaned my windshield the other day and asked for money.

Robocats said...

I just want to point something out to you snobs and ne'er do wells. When you guys were criticizing Rex, did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe Lovie was playing his terrible, pansexual, substance-huffing gator ass for a reason?? We're not dumb, he really was our best option.

Captain Caveman said...

I've always pictured the Marines to have a minimum height requirement. Maybe they add your smartass quotient to get you to the big boy line.

Wow, it's almost like professional athletes with athletic pedigrees are taller than average folk who serve their country for less than minimum wage!

Where did YOU serve, cock?

Trevor said...

Damn man, Uff's turning the Douchebag knob to 11.

Calm down, spaz.

Matt said...

Wow, it's almost like professional athletes with athletic pedigrees are taller than average folk who serve their country for less than minimum wage!

I understand your point here and everything, but what does income have to do with height?

Chamomiles Davis said...

what does income have to do with height?

More than you might think, if this article is correct.

Chamomiles Davis said...

fuck you he's a nice boy

My grandmother used to say that about me all the time.

whowillsexmutombo? said...

Pretty pretty please tell me that Fenway is a chick. Otherwise, this thread went from hostile to awkward in less time then it takes Eli's brother to find a companion at the bath-house.

Chuckles said...

I don't know if it's the looks on their faces (Eli/nervous that he's gonna have to put out, CC/certain that he's going to get some tonight) or what, but there's something about this picture that makes it look like it was taken at a senior prom.

deafjeff said...

If you noticed, the deaf in deafjeff, I'm deaf, wouldn't make a good soldier. But unless I am mistaken, there is no draft. That means, I think, you vounteered. Unless you a retard, you sort of knew what you getting into. I do appreciate you serving though.

Swolestice said...

I'm not sure which one makes Ufford braver? Joining the marines, or posting a picture of himself on KSK?

To whichever commenter that was trashing Eli's suit... I'd guess that suit cost more than your car.

Alex said...

EM (To Himself): "Just keep thinking about that joke that Jeffords told me at the Downtown Athletic Club last night. The one about the Negro and the Jewish fellow..."

JASON said...

First Elisha & Pey-Pey... That's just golden.
Thank you for giving me that.