Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Kevin Everett Honorary Meast of the Week and a Moratorium on Talking About Obnoxious Pats Fans


We've reached our threshold for discussing how much we hate New England's fans, at least for the remainder of the week. Maj will probably chime in with something on Sunday when the Pats beat the Redskins 600-6. Until then, allow us to totally disrespect New England by turning our gaze toward some of the other NFL teams.

We've gotten scads of comments and e-mails from Patriots fans accusing us of being jealous, resentful haters who despise them for their freedom, righteousness of spirit and ability to engage in reasoned arguments. As a Steelers fan, I'm the only truly unabashed Patriots hater among our cadre of cocksmen. Ufford actually likes them, that stupid contrarian. He should go write for Slate or something.

Yes, I'm bitter about the two AFC Championship Game losses at home and I'm envious of their recent success. But mostly it's everything we've covered at length over the last five or so posts. They're all terrible people and I hope their kids grow up to be Yankees fans and vote Republican. I can only thank Yahweh that the Ravens blow goat nuts or my life would be totally devoid of meaning.

Anyway, your Meast this week is the Seahawks' Darryl Tapp, who nearly doubled his previous career total of 4.5 sacks with another four against the Rams, as well as contributing a forced fumble. All with a broken hand. He was busy fisting your mother with the other.

31 comments:

BeaverFever said...

Let the angry e-mails from raven fans, Yankee fans and Republicans begin.

flubby said...

That twink in the picture is making me laugh. So is the guy in the Pats jersey.

big skinny said...

Can anybody tell what kind of beer Brady is drinking in that picture?

Les Savy Ferd said...

beer? that's clearly his large flaccid black cock.

Tonzi said...

It looks like a Sam Adams, although there are a lot of beers with a blue label at the top. RFD has taught me that.

Ken Dynamo said...

what, did your web site viewing traffic go down that much or something? dont hate less on boston fans, just hate more on everyone else.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Why does every drunk, fat, bald guy look like Dave Atell to me?

Raskolnikov said...

stories not about Tom Brady and the Patriots

75% of this post was about the Patriots. Is Kornheiser telling you what to write, Ape?

swing4 said...

@ Ken Dynamo

No, they just got tired of repeatedly hitting "delete".

the great bambi said...

@raskolnikov


no no no no 75% of it is about how it's not about the Patriots

Christmas Ape said...

Is Kornheiser telling you what to write, Ape?

Ha. We work for the same company and I've never seen him. I've had more conversation with Bob Woodward.

Christmas Ape said...

And by conversation, I mean, "Hi!"

Chamomiles Davis said...

How can a Steelers fan hate the Patriots? Your team has two more rings than they do, and they've won a Super Bowl since the Pats' last title.

Leave it to us Eagles fan to despise those fuckers. They actually deprived us of our first Super Bowl victory.

Pemulis said...

seriously though, fuck boston area sports fans! am i right?

Christmas Ape said...

Chamomiles: All sound points, yet my hate remains.

Jackin'4Beats said...

@ chamomiles davis:
As a Cowboys fan I was actually cheering for the Eagles (god help me) which shows my true hatred for the Pats' general assfuckery. And the Cowboys also have 2 more rings than the Pats although the last win was 12 years ago - which should pretty much eliminate any bangwagon crap about the Cowboys right now.

the great bambi said...

@ chamomiles and j4b

i'm a redskins fan and i was also rooting for the iggles to beat the pats in the super bowl, my hatred for brady, belichick, harrison, and boston sports fans outweighed my animosity towards the iggles and TO

of course when the pats were at the cowboys two weeks ago i was rooting for the terrorists to win.......

Jackin'4Beats said...

@the great bambi: +1

I'm conflicted, I want the Pats to lose to the Skins (however unlikely) this weekend so they go to Indy with one loss and Kornheiser can jump off the Brady bandwagon with a noose tied around his neck.

But if the Skins somehow find a way not to lose that game, I'm afraid their fans will become insufferable dipshits even if they finish 5-11 this season.

Christmas Ape said...

If the last 16 years of my life have taught me anything, it's that Redskins fans don't need victories to be insufferable dipshits.

Pemulis said...

as a jets fan i ............. am depressed

the great bambi said...

so can it just be safe to say every fan base has insufferable dipshits that piss all other fan bases off? redskin fans get videotaped doing the soulja boy in the parking lot, all NE fans are arrogant assholes, philly fans as just assholes, dallas fans are arrogant despite no playoff wins since '95, etc. etc.?

Upstate Underdog said...

Pats fan in picture
bald head painted like football helmet = check
stupid pants = check
weight lifting gloves = check
#69 jersey = check

Brady was clearly that guys wing man in that picture.

Hooks Orpik said...

Darryl Tapp's father works for the same company that I do and he's pretty much a pimp. In BDD's hierarchy of asshole/douchebag, the Senior Tapp is most assuredly a badass.

leaf said...

I've seen more dipshiterry at FedEx Field than at just about any other Stadium. Of course, now that most Washingtonians recognize the stadium is basically a soulless deafening crater with no exits, this means 40% of the crowd support the visitors - or are Dalls fans looking for, and usually finding, some dickhead in Riggins jersey to argue with.

Micah said...

Does it make you guys even angrier that I really enjoy reading about your hatred? I'm not even angry about it. I'd be in your position if I hadn't grown up a Boston sports fan. It's perfectly understandable, and all of the Boston fans who attack people for hating us are idiots - we'd hate them just as much if they were in our position and we were in theirs.

That said, I'm going to go back to enjoying this completely ridiculous run of good fortune. But, please, keep it up. You're way more entertaining than Gregg Easterbrook and his weird religious fantasies.

Oh, and if the Pats blow out the Colts, does the bounty on Brady's knees go all the way up to $40?

- a lifelong Boston sports fan

big skinny said...

Waaah. My team lost to your team x number of years ago. Try being a Buffalo Bills fan living in New England. I have to live with this Patriots suckfest everyhere I go. I still get shit for the 4 SB losses 15 YEARS AGO. Colts 27-Pats 17 and the Colts go 16-0. Deal with it you cock junkys.

Awful Chief said...

If the last 16 years of my life have taught me anything, it's that Redskins fans don't need victories to be insufferable dipshits.

COOLEY! COOLEY! COOLEY! COOLEY! COOLEY! COOLEY! COOLEY! COOLEY!

Wait, whudee say? Yeah, come up to Merr-uh-lin and say that shit, bitch.

COOLEY! COOLEY! COOLEY! ...

Undead Zombie Horde said...

I'm a Skins fan living in Southeastern PA and I hoped against hope that the Eagles would NOT beat the Pats in that SB. I couldn't imagine a world where Eagles fans were singing "Fly Eagles Fly" and telling me how much better their team is then every other team in history. I really NEED to hold the 3 Superbowl rings to zero over my friends. Its all I have. Besides, Eagles fans are a menace to any other football fan that actually understands football.

Otto Man said...

They're all terrible people and I hope their kids grow up to be Yankees fans and vote Republican.

Now you've gone too far. Wishing mental retardation on children is beyond the pale.

mikehasgas said...

In this anti-New England uproar, one thing seems to have been forgotten. Steelers fans are gayer than them all, especially those who haven't ever set foot in Pittsburgh. Which is pretty much all of them.

allie said...

I dunno, at least the ones who haven't been to pittsburgh might not realize what kind of "post-apocalyptic semi-civilization" they're supporting.

(quote stolen from withleather)