Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Bengals Have No D
In Related News: Water is Wet, Sky is Blue

I guess I should be pretty satisfied that the Bengals gave up "only" 34 points while being dismantled by the Patriots last night. But after watching Sammy Morris run all over us, I don't think I can. Before the game, I really thought that we had a chance to win this game, get to 2-2, and go into the bye week on a high note. I thought our offense could run with Brady's unit, match them score-for-score (hehe, "unit"), and keep it close through three quarters.

Instead, we got our shit owned.

By now, everybody knows our defense is worse than a first date with Ufford that doesn't involve the exchange of bodily fluids. And I can't really pin the blame for it on the front office; injuries and law enforcement have been most unkind to this team of late. Carson Palmer gets his knee shredded in the playoffs, and he's back by Week One. The defense has enjoyed spinal injuries, arrests, suspensions, there's a DUI in there someplace. And to think we couldn't get Tank Johnson on this team. Maybe I should blame the front office.

I'd love to go batshit about this loss like Drew and Ape had done when their respective teams shit the bed on Sunday, but I can't. This wasn't a game that slipped away; we were just outclassed on both sides of the ball. Again. We're 1-3 now, and lucky to have the 1. And while we finally are comfortable knowing that our offense will sell lots of jerseys, our defense won't be selling anything anytime soon.

Yeah, that ending was kinda gay.

20 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

Yeah, that ending was kinda gay.

yeah, but that ending sort of made up for it.

Wormfather said...

Funny thing: I drafted the bengals in the last round specifically for their first game, knew they'd run over that offense.

But then I talked my self into keeping them on the roster. That was until five minutes before I read this article. Dropped those fuckers like a bad habbit.

Condolences.

5150 said...

I had to turn the game off because the fucking MNF pukes couldn't shut up for five seconds about the Pats.

Scoot over Korny, I want to play with Brady's balls too! Fucking tools.

swing4 said...

... Frey?

JG said...

The Pats are slipping. The Bengals kept it within 3 touchdowns.

/cock, dick, balls, jew

Wormfather said...

@5150 I hate to say it, but they are that good. They must be stopped. I dont know what to do, If the Colts beat them then every commercial break will be Peyton Manning, the announcers will be make slurping sounds through every game..."Welcome to Soldier Field for todays battler between the Oakland Raiders and the Chicago Bears. So Al, I know we're not covering that game but how about that peyton manning, his cock is delicious and bent just a little to the right, I like that how about you?..."

I digress, but if the colts dont beat them, they will go 16-0. I want to go back to a world where Drew Bledsow is standing in the pocket playing russian roulette with receivers in one chamer and a concusion in the other.

Russell K said...

@wormfather

Imagine Jerry Jones if the Cowboys beat the Patriots. I want the Pats to lose to the Cowboys just to see that post. Well, I might also be a Cowboys fan. But the post would be awesome.

Missing the "Homerism" tag.

Awful Chief said...

WE HEAR...that Tom Brady is all about winning.

Wormfather said...

@Russell, yes the post would be amazing, but I'd love to see another, well lets see if they beat us when it counts post from TSG.

devang said...

Just another Manic Monday? Wish it were Sunday? That's not even a fun day for the Bengals this season.

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

Chad Johnson didn't want the Patriots to spy on his end zone celebrations.

Matt said...

Here, I was hoping the Bengals could at least cover the spread. Boo.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Imagine Jerry Jones if the Cowboys beat the Patriots

I think the Cowboys have a really good chance at beating those assclowns. I know I'm biased, but the passing game is as good as the Pats', but the Cowboys running game is better. Also, I believe the Cowboys D is better upfront and in the secondary. So if the game is close, I'd rather have my money on Romo at home than Sheep-dogger Brady on the road.

Now if the game was in NE, then I wouldn't be too sure just yet.

MMP, sucks to be you for the next two weeks.

Shorge said...

So, Ufford is a better first date if there is an exchange of bodily fluids, but without such exchange, Ufford is just not the Ufford you know? Whaaa?

Undead Zombie Horde said...

I wouldn't say that Dallas' secondary is better. They get burned by the deep ball. A lot.

oh hey, by the way KSK Gay Mafia...more than one, three paragraph post per day would be nice during the season. C'mon. Dont expect us to work (gasp) during the day. That would be unAmurrican.

flubby said...

uzh: KSK Insider subscribers get at least 6 full-length posts per day. Plus today we are featuring heretofore unpublished nudie pics of Ms. Brodie Croyle. All for only $12.99 per month. What a bargain!

seamusfurr said...

And while we finally are comfortable knowing that our offense will sell lots of jerseys...

They could put up 99 against the reanimation of the '85 Bears, and most sighted people wouldn't wear one of those turdy shirts.

JAMMQ said...

KSK Insider subscribers get at least 6 full-length posts per day. Plus today we are featuring heretofore unpublished nudie pics of Ms. Brodie Croyle.

I'm pretty sure you can find nude pictures of Ms. Brodie Croyle on the Internet fairly easily.

Undead Zombie Horde said...

@ flubby: 6 WHOLE POSTS PER DAY! where do I sign..I grow tired of this "work" thing.

@jammq: that would require effort. meh.

Matt said...

I'm a Pats fan, and I wanted the MNF guys to get off Brady's dick too, the laughing fit they had over his "dreamy eyes" was disgraceful. I kept imagining being a Bengal's fan listening to that boot licking, it was embarrassing. The Bengals can't play because I guess they're all about losing, that was some good commentating. It must have made Bengal's fan's equally happy to see #85 making nice with BB.