Sunday, September 30, 2007

DIE


Thinking about which play to call, coach? Thinking about a shotgun lateral dumpoff pass on 3rd and 1? I bet you are. Let me just give you a little piece of advice. You see the big strong kid wearing #28 over there on the bench? You know, the one who averaged 11 yards a carry on the afternoon? The guy who only got 2 carries in the second half? The only good player on your offense? The one you apparently assume is made of peanut brittle? The only thing about this season that's keeping me from drinking a gallon of rubber cement? THE ONE YOU HAD RETURNING KICKS LIKE HE WAS DAVID FUCKING PALMER? Here's a wild idea for you:

GIVE PURPLE JESUS THE FUCKING ROCK, YOU STUPID BALD FUCK!

Jesus Christ. I hope Ragnar drives over your goddamn head.

31 comments:

Ian said...

Let's see - Farve sets TD record against Vikes, Moss keeping a dynasty alive in NE, Vikes about to face the hard part of their schedule. Little General still has four years on his contract. Fantastic.

Did you know that ESPN picked Boston as a more sports cursed fanbase then Minnesotans?

peytonloveskenny said...

I guess it's bad if you want Mike Tice back.

twoeightnine said...

Mel Gibson approves.



I have no idea where I'm going with that.

deafjeff said...

And YOU tell me no way Bills beat the Jets. I'm a Bills fan, I take the Jets for my suicide pool. FUCK. YOU.

peytonloveskenny said...

@deafjeff: Why is it Drew's fault? Nobody forced you to pick the Jets.

bizzo5000 said...

If I loose my game because Purple Jesus didn't touch the ball in the second half, I will kick Michael Jeter in the fucking teeth.

SlideShow Bob said...

Does this make him the Purple Judas?

Jez said...

Man, where's the love for Brett Favre today? Oh, it was on ESPN and every other channel showing an NFL game. Sorry. Even as a Packers fan, I'm like, "Okay, that's enough."

Oh, and Pack =4-0.

Grossman's gotta be sitting on the bench going, "See. Told ya."

Slash said...

FUCK YOU BRETT FAVRE is now my second-favorite tag (after "things going into or coming out of bridget moynihan").

I didn't watch any football, but I did see the season premiere of "Desperate Housewives." It was hilarious.

Josh Drimmer said...

It's tragic how funny that failure that just makes you bring more fury than Final Fury 3 makes us all, while success is...well, the stuff of Patriots fans. But remember, Purple Jesus forgives all our trespasses.

---Jew for Purple Jesus

Ben said...

I'm coming for you, Childress. And hell's comin with me.

Wanna said...

Don't forget the whole "continue to blitz the middle linebackers on third and short when Favre's been living off of five-yard cuts over the middle" thing. He was good at that too.

mike said...

Kind of ranks up there with: "Fuck that, we don't need to double Umenyiora. Justice has to be fucking embarrassed at this point. He'll get his legs under him. He's got at least 80 lbs on him. No way McNabb runs for his life on this play..."

Barney said...

"FUCK YOU BRETT FAVRE"

I don't think we've seen the end of THAT tag. Still, third acts are tricky. Nevertheless, as a former citizen of Milwaukee and Appleton I say let slurping begin.

- Barney

Quietlyhumbleandproud, PA.

ps. - sorry about your Purple Jesus. Another misunderstood Jesus used to no good purpose. Go figure. Who saw that coming?

Nick said...

I don't think enough hatred has been brought against Chili yet. Same for f-bombs, threats of violence, molotov cocktails, etc. Keep in mind this guy was brought to Minny under a banner of "offensive genius." Yeah, that's why Kelly Holcomb dumped off a 5-yard pass on 3rd and 20 in the fourth quarter. Just drive over my head, it'd be easier.

Matt said...

Thank you Brad Childress for not unleashing the full wrath of Purple Jesus on us.

/one happy Packers fan

Matt said...

Oh, and I know the Vikings are going 3-13 this year.

Ben said...

Les Steckel, pick up the purple courtesy phone. Les Steckel, please pick up hte purple courtesy phone.

For the love of Jesus, that man is a fucktard. That mouthbreather would get outcoached by Cretin Derham-Hall's freshmen coaches. And the fact that he was trying to get Purple Jesus greenway'd was enough to get me to throw a beercan at my TV. (Thank Purple Jesus I'm as accurate as Kelly Holcombe and hit the wall 15 feet away).

Where the hell are the other 2 wins going to come from? 1-15, here we come.

MN DUDE said...

Mike Tice's pencil could coach a game better than this guy. I am so tired of watching him put in a QB that holds on to the ball longer than the ball boy. Not give the ball to a RB who had a 100 yards by the middle of the 2nd QTR., and calls for a dump pass on 3rd and 15.

Speaking of 3-15, right now that even looks like a stretch right now.

Jason said...

my packer fan friend and i were gleefully wondering when childress would figure out that giving the ball to your best player is allowed in the second half. apparently he used all his brainpower to grow that glorious mustache.

Big Daddy Drew said...

3-15 indeed would be a stretch.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Wait...I think Greg Jennings just scored another touchdown.

Sorry Drew, but your coach looks as lost as Reche Caldwell last year.

twoeightnine said...

Just think of how badass a backfield of McFadden and Peterson is going to be next year.

Coaching and a lack of a QB will still leave you at 4-12 but you might have 2 1000 yard backs.

B said...

I think Childress was saving AP for Texas.

darthmoridin said...

Mmmmmm... rubber cement...

Bob said...

Major Dad is the worst coach in the NFL other than my main man Norv.

Kick-ass offense, indeed.

The Battleship said...

If Minnesota isn't going to run the ball more Chester Taylor shouldn't be getting any carries, much less starting. You don't need two backs to split a 20 carry a game workload.

Mike said...

GIVE PURPLE JESUS THE FUCKING ROCK, YOU STUPID BALD FUCK!

My fantasy football team agrees.

/lame commenting

Jackin'4Beats said...

The original Purple Jesus (Randy Moss) says "eat the peanuts outta my sheeee-it"

rar288 said...

If Griese continues his suckatude and the Bears turn back to the Sex Cannon, there better be some fucking awesome posts here. Revenge of the Sex Cannon.... BDSM fucking the entire city of Chicago, things of that nature.

Swolestice said...

Excellent rant.