Thursday, September 13, 2007

Stand back, Aaron is talkin' a bunch of Schatz


Generally, I eschew blogfrica's national pastime of Simmons-bashing. It's not exactly fresh and, frankly, others can do it much funnier and succinctly than I could, if I were so inclined. And while we know through credible sources Simmons detests KSK, we still have a soft-spot for the big lug (except Drew, he really fucking hates him).

Four or five years ago, I used to manipulate the URLs on Page2 so I could read Simmons' columns a couple hours before they were posted on Page2's front page. Today if I am cruising by ESPN.com and see a link on the front page to a non-Celtics, non-Red Sox Simmons post, I might click on it. I don't see my declining patronage as an indictment of the product he puts out, rather just a progression of my own personal tastes. For instance, I also used to like Faces of Death movies, Boone's Farm and Anthrax (okay, I still like Anthrax).

After initially evoking the Duke rape case to protect Belicheat, yesterday Simmons and FootballOutsider's Aaron Schatz were engaging in some give and take about the situation. Schatz was ably abetting Simmons' attempts to marginalize the Patriots' elaborate system of fraud and deception by bringing up other instances of chicanery. Then Schatz dropped this bomb:

Remember when Jim Haslett admitted to using steroids when he was playing for the Pittsburgh Steelers during their dynasty years of the '70s?

Ooh, yeah! In your face Haslett, 1970's Steelers and everyone else not riding Belichick's scrotum!!! There's just a minor problem, Haslett never played for the Steelers. Actually, Haslett recently accused the Steel Curtain-era Steelers of using steroids and then later apologized.

It's easy for someone to get confused and misstate the facts like Schatz did-- so we can give him a pass, once he clarifies his position. But where are the ESPN editors on this one? ESPN even linked the correct story in the Simmons article, but the slovenly (or perhaps just incompetent) editors just let this completely erroneous statement stand. Hell, it's still up there now as far as we know.

More editorial incompetence: in an otherwise well-written piece on Priest Holmes, the Elizabeth Merrill claims that Holmes was "snubbed by 32 teams" on draft day. There weren't 32 teams in the league until well after Holmes began his pro career. Little things like this, as well as bigger things like Haslett and the "Vick scoop" can make ESPN look like a bunch of hacks.

Here's some gratuitous advice to the World Wide (Mis)Leader: go down to the local methadone clinic or half-way house and pick up a few new editors. Leave half-assed fact checking and wildly inaccurate, if not outright false, statements to amateurs like us.

[HT: to eagle-eyed KSK reader Bill S. (heh heh). UPDATE: Also thanks to commenter Jeff for pointing out that Haslett did cop to dabbling in steroids. I'll blame my mistake on some past dabblings of my own. Thankfully our commenters are more vigilant than ESPN's editors.]


35 comments:

lieutenant winslow said...

go fuck yourself flubby. now i'm gonna have that ticking in my head song in my head all fucking day

Wormfather said...

Flubby FTW

Big Daddy Drew said...

Just know that every Pats fan is horrified.

If by horrified, you mean retarded, I agree.

Big Daddy Drew said...

You're right, people love hating on the Pats.

I wonder why, buttfucker.

Wormfather said...

Buckfutter? I dont get it.

Johnny Ishkabibble said...

hench thinks you guys are being harsh.

Christmas Ape said...

The Simmons Axioms: Everyone hates the Pats and everyone cheats! Hating the Pats is cheating, therefore YOU should be suspended!

Steve said...

Amazingly well done.

Otto Man said...

In ESPN.com's defense, this time of year they're busy figuring out how to make their fantasy football site crash in new and exciting ways.

Jeff said...

But from that linked story...

"Haslett who played in Buffalo from 1979 to 1985, and finished his career in 1987 with the New York Jets, admitted Wednesday that he experimented with steroids, believing he needed them to keep up with the many players he felt used them. The acknowledgment and his comments about the Steelers came in Hawaii, where he had been attending NFL meetings."

So he did use steroids, just not with the Steelers? So Schatz is half right isnt he? Yes, ESPN need to correct it, but your

"Haslett never admitted to using steroids and never played for the Steelers."

may need correction too.

flubby said...

Spot on Jeff, I need to change that.

Wormfather said...

Yeah, but KSK doesnt have $100K editors. But who the fuck would want to have to edit Simmons' shit twice a week.

Unsilent Majority said...

I don't think the dot com is paying anybody six figures to proofread on Page 2.

Jeff said...

I'm just happy to see you can do what ESPN seemingly cannot - admit a mistake.

J.L. White said...

Speaking of 70's-era Steelers and steroids, I think it was center Mike Webster who was caught/admitted to using them back then.I also like to think Terry Bradshaw took steroids, especially if the long-term side effects include balding, excessive retardation and the desire to flap your gums on national TV every week.

Christmas Ape said...

I love how his spiel about people losing interest in cheating in pro sports focused on how supposedly the Donaghy scandal was eclipsed by KG going to the Celtics. I'm pretty sure that was only for you, Bill.

LaRons said...

Speaking of ESPN fuckups. Did you guys know that the Eagles and Redskins will be playing Monday night. It should be an exciting game because according to ESPN both teams are winless!!! Dipnuts

Christmas Ape said...

Also, because, as this column states, Bill is "a big Watergate buff" I'm pretty sure he's going to put flubby's through a ringer.

Christmas Ape said...

*tit through a ringer

Kurt said...

@ CA

-speaking of the Donaghy scandal... wasn't he supposed to roll over on about 20 other refs right before the story died out? what ever happened with that?

Pemulis said...

the important thing is that he got the cobra kai, britney at the vmas and shitty new movie references out of the way in paragraph 3

Ken Dynamo said...

yeah but simmons is still the only place where you can get expert analysis on how 70's celtic playoff series compares to saved by the bell seasons.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Bill Simmons has AIDS.*

*This is a documented fact that has been thoroughly fact checked and edited, and is in no way an implication that said author is a goateed douche unworthy of a parasite infested leper's urine after being rolled in elephant shit and dog hair before being set ablaze by a series of hot pokers torches.

devang said...

tit through a wringer.
non-ESPN editor.

I tried to read his banter with Schmutz last night and I got physically ill. Seriously the arrognace is just fucking unbelievable.

Wormfather said...

@Devang

You too? See my comment last night on the Citing Executive Privilege, Bill Belichick Says "Eat a Dick." article.

Oh yeah and the reason the Donaghy thing settled so quickly is because nobody cares about the NBA, hell I'd go out on a limb and say that the scandal actually helped the NBA.

fallex said...

This post smacks of actual journalism. What the fuck, people?

fallex said...

I also used to like Faces of Death movies, Boone's Farm and Anthrax

...and whip-its. Don't forget whip-its.

Skip Hooligan said...

Can you change the link to our construda story, we have one up that works better

http://construda.bravehost.com/simmons.html

Thanks

becky said...

I couldn't even bring myself to read more Belatio from Simmons.
I'll still suck a bottle of Boone's Farm dry in a heartbeat though.

Archimedes said...

It's always fun to flood his "mailbag" with links to KSK posts like these and try to get him to use them in his 'reader links', if for nothing else than the off chance that he comes here, reads them, and one solitary tear runs down the outside of his cheek.

WI Browns Fan said...

On behalf of everyone who suffered through the 1991 to 1995 Cleveland Browns under Belichick...

HA!

Pemulis said...

TSG just wrote ablog about the whole Oden thing. Did you guys know he writes jokes for Jimmy Kimmel? also you might not have known he as a friend named Sully.

devang said...

you might not have known he as a friend named Sully.

Or Cunty, Douchey, and Cockbaggy.

texasyank said...

Something else bugged me--the story about Bill Fitch sending the ball boy into the locker room during Game 7 of the 1981 Eastern Conference Finals? Not quite. Fitch did the deed himself, when he was thrown out of the final REGULAR SEASON game of the 1980-81 season, a Celtics-Sixers game to determine home-court advantage for what everyone knew would be the Eastern Conference finals. In the locker room, watching the Cunningham outline the plays during time-outs, he relayed messages to the bench. The Celtics won the game, home court, the conference championship, and eventually the first title of the Bird era.

Bill said...

I'm the one who screwed the donkey on the "Haslett never admitted to steroids" part so I take full responsibility for that gaffe. But they did end up changing the wording on the original Simmons/Schatz link, without a correction or apology of any kind.

What kills me is the justification these Massholes are making for this. You telling me that if it came out that Indy was doing this in the second half of the AFC Championship Game last year, they wouldn't be going apeshit? Fuck them.