Thursday, September 6, 2007

KSK 2007 NFL Season Prekkake: Dallas Cowboys

Rude fucker.

An Arbitrary Number of Fast Facts on the Dallas Cowboys...

When he's been naughty Wade Phillips enjoys being disciplined with his father's personalized "Bum Paddle."

Terrell Owens isn't suicidal, he's a contortionist.

Assistant coach Wade Phillips Wilson was using HGH and steroids to battle his diabetes. Scoff if you want but the New England Journal of Medicine is about to publish his other thesis, The Healing Properties of Crack Cocaine on the Central Nervous System.

Before Tony Romo can be considered a "true" Cowboy he's going to need a few concussions and/or a massive drug habit.

Some guy named Jamaica Rector made the team as a wide receiver. Jamaica Rector immediately becomes my favorite Cowboy ever (although that Dat Phan was pretty funny).

Jerry Jones's face is 30% rayon but dry cleaning is recommended.

Martin Gramatica...REALLY?

Lousaka Polite once cut in front of me at The O. It's no wonder the Cowboys cut him the other day.

If Anthony Fasano grew out a killer mustache he might get a bit more attention.

Over the summer our favorite Cowboys Cheerleader has been working on her two favorite attributes, her tan and her ability to look in two directions simultaneously.

Dallas has often been known as "America's Team" but it should be noted that a lot of Americans are total dumber than shit.

And now, the only Dallas shirt I've ever considered purchasing...



No Mas

This week, we’re holding the first annual KsK Kares Charity Drive for Fisher House, which supports disabled veterans and their families. You can donate directly to FH here.

17 comments:

Weed Against Speed said...

It was actually assistant coach "Whiskey" Wade Wilson that was suspended for steroid use, but you are correct in that he is a crackhead.

the great bambi said...

you know wade phillips is using the bum paddle to inject some HGH into his system



Roses are red
Violets are blue
I hate the fucking Cowboys
I hope you do too

Unsilent Majority said...

fixed...too many wade's

save the steagles said...

Little girls with lazy eyes need role models too.

grungedave said...

Julius Jones... still not a fan of topless white women.

Signal to Noise said...

First we get Wade's need to whack it, now his love of being paddled, and I think my crush on Becca is gone; she's turned into leather. Thanks, UM.

Ah, Kinky Friedman -- "They Don't Make Jews Like Jesus Anymore."

Pemulis said...

jewkkake?

Dolores said...

Hey Mr. Manners - who hasn't cut in front of you or behind you or maybe even puked on you at the O? The place is a feeding frenzy for underage drunks post 2 am. Get. A. Grip.

Souf Oakland 4 Life!

Wormfather said...

Shit pemulis, Oy Vey!

Scott said...

You're lucky Lousaka Polite didn't cut you in front of the O.

Grimey said...

Dat Nguyen was the Vietnamese Cowboy... Dat Phan was that Last Comic Standing winner

Unsilent Majority said...

Souf Oakland 4 Life!

yep, and the dumpster area around the corner provided a great place to get high near the dorms.

Unsilent Majority said...

Dat Nguyen was the Vietnamese Cowboy... Dat Phan was that Last Comic Standing winner


yeah...thanks for clearing that up.

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

Both of them sucked

Jackin'4Beats said...

Cowboys are still gonna kick the Giants ass on Sunday.

CHAM-PION-SHIP!!!

Unsilent Majority said...

call me crazy, but i think you're missing a syllable in there.

Mole said...

Jamaica grew up about an hour from Texas Stadium in a town with a population of about 500 people. It makes me feel old that a guy who I reffed in HS is now playing in the NFL. Shit, I'm only 29.

As a side, his old HS OC is a cool guy to get shitty drunk with.