Tuesday, September 25, 2007

White Wide Receivers Have to Give a Little Extra


Yeah.

YEAH!

GADDAMMIT SWEET SONNUVA BITCH!

How you likin' me now, shitbags? Eleven catches, 221 yards, three touchdowns, and one giant leap for Whitey. That'll teach you cuntmuffins to sit me in your fantasy league.

But before the rest of you reach under center and blow dork sauce all over your Yahoo! matchup screen, let Kevin Curtis be heard. I wasn't playing for fantasy glory on Sunday. I wasn't playing to help my team win. I wasn't even try to improve my chances with that cheerleader Janette. Well, maybe a little. But mostly, I was out there playing for my people.

You see, there's not that many European-American wide receivers, so we have to do a little bit extra. Because the percentage of us playing this position -- which people didn't want us to play -- is low, we're held to a different standard.

I catch a bunch of passes for 100 yards, our team wins by seven, it's just "Ah, he could've made this catch, they would have scored if he did this." Ya dig? That's why I went out for 200 yards and three touchdowns. Possession receiver? Kiss my proliferated cracker ass!

And no, James Brown, not ALL wide receivers face this kind of scrutiny. Terrell Owens? Randy Moss? Let me start by saying I love those guys. But they don't get criticized as much as we do. They don't. They can get by on talent alone and still make the team. But Uncle Waspy Vanillaface? Shit, my deceptive speed keeps deceiving my team from thinking I'm worth a damn. I'm busting the lighter-complected goodness off my hump every day, just to stay on the active roster.

Every year I'm part of some criticism. But if I learned anything growing up in the disadvantaged neighborhood of Murray, Utah, it's that every day we go through life, white people must learn to overcome adversity. We've been excluded from lining up on the numbers for so long, but now it's our time to shine.

I try to handle myself with class, with dignity. I get shit from the press all the time for not celebrating every first down catch I make, or by handing the ball back to the official if I score a touchdown. That's just who we are, baby. This is how we express ourselves. Do you really want my kind to try to dance out there?

It was even worse when I first came into the league. I scored a 48 on the Wonderlic, and it was all over the news. The younger white receivers, man, they don't know how good they have it. I think that if we keep progressing, one day, all the receivers in the league will be white. What a glorious day that will be.

76 comments:

chewbacca lowenstien said...

I was just thinking about the resurgance of Whitey at the wide out. Well done sir.

N.J.G said...

dear mr. curtis,

this glorious land of nothing but white receivers exists, it is called the ivy league.

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

Tim Dwight gently weeps.

Upstate Underdog said...

@n.j.g., Sean Morey of the Cardinals is living proof of what you speak about.

BeaverFever said...

I hope somebody addresses how black punters and placed kickers are judged.

Where have you gone Reggie Roby ?

Big Daddy Drew said...

Sully from Natick in the Welker jersey approves of this post.

ColonelStinkmeaner said...

I know you are attempting to be funny here CC, but it's just fuckin stupid. Back in the day black folks had to prove we were good enough to play any damn position in football or any other sport. All you are doing is looking like a total douche. Leave it alone. It's done. There are white players from back in the day that are in the hall of fame that have no business being there and are only there because they had no real competition. Steve Largent was great, along with many other white players, just fuckin relax. I imagine you are one of these folks who are mad at McNabb for feeling like he feels which is just retarded. Leave it alone, let it die. It's how that man feels and no matter how much white peolple bellyache about it it's not gonna change. Deal with it and move on, for fucks sake.

peter king crowned my ass said...

There are white players from back in the day that are in the hall of fame that have no business being there...

Lynn Swann is white?!?

The Last Dragon said...

colonelstinkmeaner - "Settle down Francis". This was funny. Deal with it.

Sisto said...

I didn't know Mormons swore that much.

After the game Curtis went home and banged Wife #4.

SMP said...

CC, you were successfully funny, and you look no more like a douche than usual. McNabb is a whiny bitch and deserves to be ridiculed for his self-righteous bullshit.

BeaverFever said...

white power !

Captain Caveman said...

If we have to get all serious here, I thought McNabb's comments were blown out of proportion.

Fortunately, this is no forum for seriousness. I accept your scorn and raise you an accusation of counter-douche-osity for being thin-skinned.

Hustler of Culture said...

threadjack -

Rush Limbaugh calls Curtis the best wide receiver in football

//treadjack

JAMMQ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JAMMQ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JAMMQ said...

The plight of the white defensive back receives even less attention.

I accept your scorn and raise you an accusation of counter-douche-osity for being thin-skinned.

Now that's the CC we all know and love . . .

My Insignificant Life said...

The residents of Jena, Louisiana. approve of this post.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

Beaver - I smell a white receiver.

Awful Chief said...

Colonel,
Just be glad that your black cock doesn't have to go through what my white one does. Sometimes it wants to just go through the motions until it ejaculates, but no -- it has to give a little something extra because of its color.

Pemulis said...

yet the plight of the female kicker still goes unheard...

http://imdb.com/title/tt0102517/

devang said...

@Awful Chief

+10. Well done sir

devang said...

A fuck you doucheeating cuntrags who think all Hispanics are short dark kickers

Sincerely,
Jeff Garcia
Tony Romo

JAMMQ said...

The residents of Jena, Louisiana don't know how to read this post

Shan said...

There are white players from back in the day that are in the hall of fame that have no business being there and are only there because they had no real competition.

forget the fact that they made the sport great and brought it to become what it is today.....

wait a minute I'm a white middle class male, of course I don't have an opinion that matters anymore...HAHA stupid me.

smurphette said...

I can only hope that Kevin Curtis' performance inspires Anthony Gonzales to be the next Brandon Stokley. Always shoot for the stars.

Hugh McSnatchercraft said...

does the NFL have affirmative action?

JG said...

Yup... these are my racists.

the great bambi said...

worst of all? the plight of the white halfback, the history of pigeonholing the poor white running back to the fullback position extends back to larry czonka and john riggins all the way up to mike alstott, when will this injustice be corrected?

leaf said...

Didn't this all get cleared up when Portis invited Cooley onto the Soul Plane?

Luis Bup said...

@ the great bambi:

Brian Leonard is starting this week for St. Louis.

The day is yours.

the great bambi said...

then i'll take "months that start with feb" trebek

BeaverFever said...

Brian leonard will have to give a little extra.

The Last Unitard said...

But is he white on the inside?

I have doubts.

twoeightnine said...

I thought Kevin was a black name?

deafjeff said...

Wanna see Whiteys? Check out the Bills D! Schobel, Denney, Williams, Wire, Leonhard(starting), Posluzny, and a few more on IR. THAT is why they suck. That is just too many trying to give alittle extra.

@DEVANG, what Losman is Mexican enough for you?

JAMMQ said...

Leave it up to the whites to try and claim Anthony Gonzalez as one of theirs.

Stop trying to steal our Latino players . . . we've only got like three.

The Last Unitard said...

If I may be serious a moment, I do see what I think of as subtle racism all the time in televised sporting events. It is doubtful the announcers even realize this, and this is not an indictment of them, but of us all. We've got to do better, people. For our children. For the future.

Dick joke, dick joke, fart, gay, boobs, towel-shit.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Where is Joe Jurevicius when you need him?

Oh wait, he decided to retire to Cleveland.

Otto Man said...

I had the pleasure of playing against Curtis in my fantasy league this week. He was a last-minute replacement for Plaxico Burress when they were reporting him as a GTD.

I was all excited about the switch, but by the end of the 1st quarter of the first game, my fantasy day was done. My opponent also had Westbrook, too.

Kevin Curtis can choke on a dick. I don't care what color it is, as long as it suffocates that bastard.

Otto Man said...

If I may be serious a moment, I do see what I think of as subtle racism all the time in televised sporting events.

No, no, it's just a coincidence that all black players are referred to as "athletic" and "physical" and all the white ones "smart" and "crafty."

peter king crowned my ass said...

@ Unitard: When all you have in the booth is 50-year-old white guys who have never shared a lunch counter with anyone of another race, that might be an issue.

If Donovan can point out to the world that he is black, I don't think CC is racist for pointing out that Kevin Curtis is not.

...I just farted.

The Last Unitard said...

Gay.

the great bambi said...

gee, a guy gets some silly little dog fighting charges thrown at him and suddenly the latinos refuse to claim ron mexico

ColonelStinkmeaner said...

"I thought Kevin was a black name?"

That's too bad you should try reading books, that's about the dumbest thing I've read all day. Idiot.

CC -

Not being thin skinned and wasn't offended. McNabbs comments were just way overblown and I wish people could just let shit die sometimes. Hell there's probably more white recievers than black QB's and I could give a fuck. This was just a dumb post, so was the few good men post, you are usually on point but today, not so much. Step your game up son.

peter king crowned my ass said...

@ Col. Shiteater:

Let it die? Dude does an interview saying he's subject to unfair scrutiny that airs days after he misses a wide-open guy (Curtis) that could have been the game-tying score, and you say let it die?

Why don't you take your own advice? Nobody here gives a shit what you think, so pick up a book and jam a reading rainbow up your lavar burton loving ass.

Otto Man said...

When all you have in the booth is 50-year-old white guys who have never shared a lunch counter with anyone of another race, that might be an issue.

Did you hear Bill O'Really talk about going to Sylvia's in Harlem? He was absolutely stunned that the patrons weren't, in his words, screaming "I want some M-F- iced tea!"

The world inside his brain must be fascinating and scary.

The Last Unitard said...

The jig's up, Colonel. You're Hank. Admit it. Why don't you go back to Nofunistan and leave us to the only thing that keeps us from cutting our wrists in the bathtub and bleeding out while we listen to Celine Dion.*

And who doesn't love Lavar Burton?


*may not apply to anyone but me

Upstate Underdog said...

Mister StinkColonel,

I hope you aren't an Ohio State fan, because if you want to get really pissed check out WithLeather. High-larious ! CC/Matt has truly stepped up his game there today.

JG said...

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Byron Leftwich is white. Wes Welker is black.

leaf said...

No no no. KELLEN is a black name.

BeaverFever said...

Angelo is an Italian name, it is no longer an Italian name after adding a De to it.

The Last Unitard said...

Of all the people I've ever met, there have been many who I'd say were "pale" or "dark", but none who was "black" or "white".

In my estimation, there are no black quarterbacks or white wide receivers.

Sit back and let that blow your mind for a minute while I do a bong rip.

Jackin'4Beats said...

@otto man

You are right. Kevin Curtis can choke on a fat dick. I hate that he killed my fantasy team this week too. At least we know he's athletic and fast and we don't have to hear announcers calling him gritty and gutty like Ricky Proehl.

And the Eagles fans and media need to shut the F up and stop acting like they've been all over McNabb before he even threw a pass. Maybe when Kolb is back there tossing picks like Rexstacy, they'll realize that they wouldn't have won 1 playoff game without #5 back there.

Cuntmuffins.

fallex said...

Um, didn't they win a playoff game with Garcia last year?

BeaverFever said...

Sully from Natick in the Welker jersey also didn't mind having Curtis kill his fanatsy football team on Sunday because Curtis is white.

Wormfather said...

@The Great Bambi

What is Febtober?

@Philly and McNabb

You deserve eachother.

Also, if they bring back European-American DBs do they get to have whips?

sportsb*tch said...

nice. why didn't i think of this?

Signal to Noise said...

Brandon Stokley and Mike Furrey raise their fists in solidarity.

Pemulis said...

All we need is a voluntary, free-spirited, open-ended program of procreative racial deconstruction. Everybody just gotta keep fuckin' everybody 'til they're all the same color.

L.Austin Bernard said...

Hey and what about the fact their are more blacks playing professional football then their percentage of the population?

How about Asians...

and even hispanics we don't have as many of them as their percentage of the population

and lets not forget the women

this is making fun of Donovan for being a whiney bitch by taking his point to its absurd conclusion

I lost tons of respect for DOnovan when he finally played the race card... after it was played against him by the NAACP and Rush Limbaugh he was a good man and stepped up his game.

Whining like he did makes him suck in my opinion.

Furthermore.. Sex Cannon has far more haters then Donovan has even on his worse day

BigFootFool said...

@otto man

You forgot the part where they always say whitey is hard working while the black guy is just an incredible athlete. We all know what the implies...

Colonel, you're an idiot.

Oddly enough there is a college team in the SEC where 100% of TD receptions are by white guys.

Wormfather said...

@Signal to noise

You forgot about Wayne Chrebet

@L.Austin Bernard

Are we talking all hispanics or just the legal ones?

BeaverFever said...

@bigfootfool, Vandy ?

the great bambi said...

@ worm eater

umm...what is febturday?

NO! the correct answer is february, that's the month that starts with feb

AH HA! a trick question!



You know what is the greatest injustice of all? John Madden's hatred of white people, how many white people have been on the cover of madden besides madden? ZERO! how many black QBs? 4 in the past 7 years. Mr Madden, you sir are a racist

kurt said...

@ Upstate Underdog:

waaaaiiiiiit a minute

Captain Caveman = Ufford??

for serious????

I had no idea, and I read both WL and KSK e'ryday.

...knowing is half the battle...

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

"It's how that man feels and no matter how much white peolple bellyache about it it's not gonna change."

Sir,

[Unabashed Applause]

You have hit the nail completely and squarely on the head.

Caveman's attempt to somehow make this issue Negro and un-Negro is foolish at best...and racist at bestest.

Perhaps what is lost in all this furor caused by Caveman's hateful post...is that Curtis owes his attention getting day to the arm of a man who was performing under the watchful, skeptical and unrelentingly expectatious eye of the very race of people of which Curtis is a part.

Clearly, the expectation of the Negro QB doing a little extra...is now holding them responsible for making white receivers look good.

The shackles have been secured. Yet again.

Otto Man said...

Um, didn't they win a playoff game with Garcia last year?

Pfft. Garcia's Mexican. Same thing.

Signal to Noise said...

@wormfather: I was sticking with currently playing white wideouts, but I'm sure Chrebet and Ed McCaffrey are turning their hands into angry balled fists of support for Brother Curtis as well.

Awful Chief said...

They should start a union named "The Steve Largent-Types".

Barney said...

I say we put 'em all on a bus and send 'em back to Wyoming or Utah or Idaho or Wisconsin. They can sit anywhere on the bus they want and they'll all be happier when they get there.

Too far?

- Barney Dannelke

"You don't stab a man in the back 9 inches, pull the blade out 6 inches and then say you are making progress." - Malcolm X

Captain Caveman said...

All I have to say is, if any part of the post was unfunny or offensive to you, Punter wrote it.

My Insignificant Life said...

@ wormfather

legal hispanic = oxymoron?

Saberrox said...

LMAO. Great stuff.

Otto Man said...

They should start a union named "The Steve Largent-Types".

Nah, that makes them sound like they're mentally challenged.

I'm dating myself here, but does anyone else remember when Largent gave the Republican response to one of Clinton's State of the Union address? He did the whole thing with a shit-eating grin, and spent most of the time bragging about himself.

My favorite quote: "I married my high school sweetheart, Terry -- a cheerleader! -- and for the next 14 years I got to live every boy's dream: playing in the National Football League for the Seattle Seahawks."

Way to connect with the average American, Steve. We all married the cheerleader and played pro ball. It's like you've known me my whole life.

casserolemistake said...

Brian Leonard is starting this week for St. Louis.

The day is yours.


I had to put a claim on his white ass because McAllister's big, high, black thighs are faulty. He must've been poorly bred.



What? No Jimmy the Greek fans out there?