GADDAMMIT SWEET SONNUVA BITCH!
How you likin' me now, shitbags? Eleven catches, 221 yards, three touchdowns, and one giant leap for Whitey. That'll teach you cuntmuffins to sit me in your fantasy league.
But before the rest of you reach under center and blow dork sauce all over your Yahoo! matchup screen, let Kevin Curtis be heard. I wasn't playing for fantasy glory on Sunday. I wasn't playing to help my team win. I wasn't even try to improve my chances with that cheerleader Janette. Well, maybe a little. But mostly, I was out there playing for my people.
You see, there's not that many European-American wide receivers, so we have to do a little bit extra. Because the percentage of us playing this position -- which people didn't want us to play -- is low, we're held to a different standard.
I catch a bunch of passes for 100 yards, our team wins by seven, it's just "Ah, he could've made this catch, they would have scored if he did this." Ya dig? That's why I went out for 200 yards and three touchdowns. Possession receiver? Kiss my proliferated cracker ass!
And no, James Brown, not ALL wide receivers face this kind of scrutiny. Terrell Owens? Randy Moss? Let me start by saying I love those guys. But they don't get criticized as much as we do. They don't. They can get by on talent alone and still make the team. But Uncle Waspy Vanillaface? Shit, my deceptive speed keeps deceiving my team from thinking I'm worth a damn. I'm busting the lighter-complected goodness off my hump every day, just to stay on the active roster.
Every year I'm part of some criticism. But if I learned anything growing up in the disadvantaged neighborhood of Murray, Utah, it's that every day we go through life, white people must learn to overcome adversity. We've been excluded from lining up on the numbers for so long, but now it's our time to shine.
I try to handle myself with class, with dignity. I get shit from the press all the time for not celebrating every first down catch I make, or by handing the ball back to the official if I score a touchdown. That's just who we are, baby. This is how we express ourselves. Do you really want my kind to try to dance out there?
It was even worse when I first came into the league. I scored a 48 on the Wonderlic, and it was all over the news. The younger white receivers, man, they don't know how good they have it. I think that if we keep progressing, one day, all the receivers in the league will be white. What a glorious day that will be.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007