Friday, September 28, 2007

Ocho Cinco. "A Disgusting Act." WHO YA GOT?














Though the matchup this Monday night hardly seems in doubt, what with Rudi Johnson ruled out and the Bengals' defensive unit only showing up as a formality, if at all. That doesn't mean we can't comment on this special showdown of intransigent receivers. So, America, WHO YA GOT?


Contestants

Chad Johnson__________________Randy Moss

Stats

442 yds., three TDs_______________403 yds., five TDs

Catch phrase

HUGH!________________Straight cash, homie

Alienates fans by:

Importing Spanish, however incorrect, in his nickname, Ocho AMERICA ZERO!____________Slacking off

Sympathetic to Kevin Curtis' struggle?

No________________________Fuck nah

Inspires lyrics from:

Ryan Parker_______________________Outkast

Favorite hipster FroYo chain

Kiwiberri________________________Pinkberry

Daring feat

Leapt into Dawg Pound_______________Played for Raiders

Can outrun:

A horse_________________His demons

Finishing Move

Whatever it is, it'll be covered exhaustively by ESPN______Same amount of coverage, just with more scolding

13 comments:

Matt said...

Thanks for putting that Outkast song in my head for the rest of the day.

I have both guys on one fantasy team. Chad Johnson + Randy Moss = not paying attention to Larry Johnson blowing goats.

Big Daddy Drew said...

I had Pinkberry for the first time a month ago.

It's dogshit.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Oh, and New England by 30.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

I believe the Bengals should recruit Alabama Man to shore up their shoddy D.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=1TAvLL77eHw

As much as it hurts me, Golden Boy 35 - Ocho Cinco 14

Howie Feltersnatch said...

I'll take Moss.
I need help to see how many parking attendants I can runover in a day, then trying to break that record.

grungedave said...

I had the opportunity to pair Ocho and SCH on the same team. I got Ocho... and Lee Evans.

Yeah, fuck you Lee Evans.

Robocats said...

Hey, I know everyone is all over the Bengals, but they could put up a few touchdowns this week.

Final Score: 105-24, New England. Yeah I'm thinking the Patriots will have an off game.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Do you think this game can just end in a tie?

Jedd said...

The real bet is how many cheerleaders does Tom Brady impregnate before halftime. I'm putting my money on "all of them."

Also, does anyone else besides me find it amusing his kid's initials spell out the team he kicks the shit out of twice a year?

Matt said...

@ Jedd:

That ain't shit. Next kid he should name Meadowlands.

/Chipper Jones

Stephen said...

I stopped paying attention when I scrolled down and saw the Texans cheerleader's camel toe. Now I'm playing with myself.

Robocats said...

Either this is the wrong post, or Stephen was looking at Randy Moss's "camel toe".

Sorry.

Stephen said...

Wrong post. But Moss does have a nice camel toe, and a tight lil' bum, too.