Sunday, September 23, 2007

And Now For a Word From Our Sponsors



[Tilling dirt] Yield could be better. [Looks at camera] Hi, I'm a tobacco farmer living near Raleigh, North Carolina.[Talks into phone] Yeah honey, I'll take an omelette.

[scene shifts to waterfront with several yachts]

My son is a plebe at the Naval Academy in Annapolis. Keeping America free for you and me.

[scene shifts to field]

Sometimes, when I save up enough money, I go visit my brother, who is a wheat farmer in Wyoming. [Turns to brother] Does anyone else live here?

[scene twists to ESPN newsroom]

I love the Panthers, and I count on ESPN in Connecticut to ignore them completely. THROW IT TO SMITH!

[scene turns to small office]

The man at the farm bureau is from Mer Rouge, Louisiana and is a fan of the Saints. [Talks to man at desk] Way to start 0-2, buddy.

[scene shifts with Space Needle in the background]

My no-account son still listens to mopey music from some suicidal bums in Seattle.

[scene shifts to concert stage]

While I still prefer Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama." They still tour, but without Ronnie Van Zant, they're total shit.

[scene shifts back to Raleigh]

So I need a network that works where I live. A place called Raleigh Annyoming CoMerSeaAl.

AT&T. Airing 60 ads per half, until you want to dunk your phone into your beer.

18 comments:

bizzo5000 said...

The first one was kinda funny, the second one was "OK, now your stretching it", now I'm switching my cell service.

naptown drew said...

Hey, at leaast it doesn't feature prosthetic dongs or frogs falling from the sky.

On second thought, that would make for a pretty awesome phone commercial.

Signal to Noise said...

"is this the new 'this is our country?'"

No, that dishonor goes to that stupid "1,2,3,4" iPod Nano Video ad. As if you can see anything on that fucking tiny a screen.

peytonloveskenny said...

No, they can make a million of these commercials and I will never hate them as much as I fucking loathe those fucking Chevy commercials.

swing4 said...

Ape, the idea of you resigning really saddened me until the Steelers went 3-0 and I realized that I'm going to have to tolerate at least one week of insufferable, gloating homerism.

SlideShow Bob said...

congrats Ape on beating poppa Ape, but your still not undefeated in the Super Bowl.

peter king crowned my ass said...

Hilarious, Holiday Primate.

Christmas Ape said...

+1 slideshow bob

But Tomlin is undefeated!

/insufferable gloating homerism

Josh said...

ah, KSK. come for the dick jokes, stay for the arbitrary cracks on my hometown (Raleigh).

Matt said...

No, that dishonor goes to that stupid "1,2,3,4" iPod Nano Video ad. As if you can see anything on that fucking tiny a screen.

1,2,3,4, I want to shoot her in the fucking head. I don't hate her for the song, I hate Apple for using said song and playing it during FOOTBALL GAMES 90 TIMES A DAY!! Was it just to appease women viewers??

+1 Ape for the Raleigh cracks too.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Still better than "The Life Aquatic"

devang said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wormfather said...

There are three comericals they can just loop.

1. That comercial for heavanly swoard, I've never wanted to fuck an anime character like I do her.

2. That Nike "Leave Nothing" comercial that starts with The Juicer. i like celtic music.

3. The comerical for Halo 3, makes me want to go trade my PS3 in.

There you, as if you cared.

smurphette said...

@matt: for what it's worth, it did not appease this woman viewer, and I think it's perfectly justified to hate her for the song AND hate apple for using it.

Weed Against Speed said...

♪♪ If you want, here it is, come and get it...♪♪

Fuck that fucking queer-ass commerical. Who is it for? Pontiac? They were sometimes showing that ad twice in one commercial break!

J Money said...

Honorable mention to two others that I'm already so sick of I want to kick a hole in the TV:

1) The dipshit retard-fest where Ditka and Elway go to buy a TV. Just watch the interaction between them. Wonder how many takes it took those geniuses.

2) The awful commercial that's, I guess, supposed to be punchy and funny where the couple is buying a TV and it's all "quick" and that shit... "sing along musicals." Go fuck yourself, weirdo.

Patrick said...

I've got an idea for AT&T...how about you give me a network that just works in one place, you know, the place Cingular's network never had any problems before you clowns took it over.

What's that place? My fucking home town. The place where it worked fine up until two months ago.

Fuck a Connecticagodouchebagusmakewewannasmashyourfuckingnoseus network!

Otto Man said...

That Nike "Leave Nothing" comercial that starts with The Juicer.

That ad is twelve kinds of good.

Too bad it seems to be this year's version of the Madden Curse, with S-Jax and the Chargers D approaching a critical Britney Spears level of suckitude.