Thursday, October 4, 2007

Covering Your Way to a House In Grenyarnia

He's like Donaghy and Blake all in one!


Welcome back for another enlightening edition of Always Be Covering. Once again this week I have invested my own hard-earned (blogging at work) money in each one of the wagers listed below. Follow me if you want to live the good life.

Two straight weeks of profitability have left me drunken on confidence yet bored as shit. My 4-4 day was salvaged on Monday night when the Patriots easily cleared my "Ridiculous Line of the Week" and netted me a cool $40 (just enough to construct a prototype for my Bill Hobochick Halloween costume--bindle not included). This week I've decided to abandon the strategy of placing small wagers on half of the games in favor of a parlay and a teaser that will surely leave me looking dumber than Helen Keller with a mouth full of peanut butter.

2 Team Parlay: 28.52 to win 82.84

Pittsburgh -6 vs. Seattle
Houston -6 vs. Miami

I just really like betting on these teams. Both teams are coming off of their first non-covers of the season but they're both a whole lot better than their opponents. The only way Miami could be any worse is if they brought Dave Wannstedt back into the fold. Ahman Green has been practicing and his step-father just passed away. He would have wanted them to cover. As for the other game--try to stay with me here--Pittsburgh is a lot better than Seattle.

Sometimes teases don't totally suck.


3 Team Teaser (6 points): 60 to win 108

Arizona +2.5 at St. Louis
Indianapolis -4 vs. Tampa Bay
Green Bay +2.5 vs. Chicago

Teasers are really fucking stupid...UNTIL NOW! Look at those fuckin' lines. Betting on Indy at home for less than a touchdown against a team without their best weapon while betting against Gus Frerotte and Brian Griese? It's just like that time my golden goose had violent diarrhea after I fed it that violent diarrhea-inducing medicine. Then it died, so I gave it to the homeless.

Of course there is that other bet I might have mentioned...

The line changed a tad, but the bet is still worthwhile. I've now increased my bet on New England for the third consecutive week. Now we're up to a $100 wager, by the end of the season I'll be living here.

New England -17 vs. Cleveland

In case my earlier explanation was a bit too complex for you I've decided to put together a quick visual refresher.


Flow Chart For Success



So there you have it, you can either bet with me and get weed and sex or you can ignore me and die the death of a pauper.

21 comments:

Otto Man said...

I think that flow chart is what got Travis Henry in trouble.

Grimey said...

Betting on Indy at home for less than a touchdown against a team without their best weapon

Um, last time I checked, Joey Galloway still had two functional patellas.

Unsilent Majority said...

fuck joey galloway in the ear

Jake said...

That teases girl looks like she just faceplanted into a field of hammers and broken glass. But at least her jeans... lace up?

Grimey said...

I can't. He's too fast.

twoeightnine said...

So you're going to downgrade your living accommodations?

Jackin'4Beats said...

dumber than Helen Keller with a mouth full of peanut butter

OK, the visual of that scene was enough to almost make me piss myself I was laughing so hard. Maybe I should put the catheter back in? Hmmm?

Lace up Jeans? Made for Eazy access baby. Oh yeah.

Bstone said...

How can you leave out the Panthers on the road? Some douchebag will probably mention something about them being a mortal lock tomorrow afternoon. Just a guess.

The Colts destroy teasers.

Greg Schuler said...

See that lead in picture - is now a good time to mention http://www.baldwinization.com?

Big Jim Slade said...

fuck joey galloway in the ear

Just don't sprain your dinger on his hearing aid.

Frank White said...

Im in on the Pats although 17 is a lot -- rollin' the dice o' life bitch!

MoonshineMike said...

May I use that flowchart in today's power point presentation I need to do? I will credit you of course.

lieutenant winslow said...

i'm told 'parlay' is french word, meaning 'pay your bookie'

Wormfather said...

@bstone

no no no no NO, if anything someone will talk about that being the "obvious game"

Rusty said...

Ten Ten Mass? Are you fucking kidding me? I work by that empty condo and this neighborhood is dead. You really want to live by a bunch of office buildings?

And yes I know you can walk to every Metro line. But, office buildings!

Man up and buy one of those new condos up in Columbia Heights. Your rap music will go over better there.

Unsilent Majority said...

I believe in the future of NoMa!

dick_gozinia said...

I'm confused.

Following UM gets me weed, money and sex with....a homeless man in a gray hoodie?

These flow charts are too confusing.

smeos said...

Fuck you. Seattle will destroy your pathetic Steelers. We only lost to Arizona by THREE points.

Rocky Bernard will do a 187 on Big Ben's dumbass.

At least, I hope so . . .

Awful Chief said...

UM, you might want to consider someplace closer to a grocery store, like this one. There's a pretty fantastic sports bar -- old dominion -- close to XXMass though. which is nice.

Mike said...

+1 smeos

Evan said...

That teaser is laughably retarded. NE -17 is a similarly terrible bet, especially when you could have bet 16.5 everywhere else in the world.