Tuesday, October 16, 2007

God Dammit, Start Injuring Some GOOD Quarterbacks For A Change


God dammit, NFL defenders. What the fuck is wrong with you? Did I not just offer you 30 whole dollars to take out Tom Brady’s knees? Someone even set up a Facebook group to push this cause on the grass roots level. And what do you do? You go out and injure all the SHITTY QB’s. Look at this list of QB’s who have missed time:

Trent Green
Jake Delhomme
David Carr
Kurt Warner
Matt Leinart
JP Losman
Steve McNair
Marc Bulger
Chad Pennington
Tarvaris Jackson
Vince Young

What’s the point of injuring David Carr? That’s like robbing the Take-a-penny tray at the Mobilmart. Look at him. He was fucking begging for you to injure him. Oooh, are you planning to take out John Fourcade next? Diabolical!

Fuckheads.

Stop wasting your time with these slapdicks and go after the big prize, you bastards. I’m talking the Bradys, and Favres, and Mannings of the world: the guys who like to rest a sandwich on Kornheiser’s head while he works their shafts. THOSE are the fuckers I would enjoy seeing writhing on the ground in agony. Instead, I get some piddly-shit VY quad injury. Fuck that. Stop wasting your time with these jayvee bitches. Use your head. There’s a helmet on top of it that is very hard and can break a fibula just *snap* like that.

And you call yourselves crazed dogs. You ain’t crazed SHIT.

34 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

We're looking at you Rodney Harrison, Sean Taylor, Adrian Wilson, and Roy Williams. You safeties should be blitzing from the blindside on every play no matter what your "coaches" might say.

Christmas Ape said...

Joey Porter can redeem this entire lost season with one half-shirted dive at Brady's knees on Sunday.

5150 said...

Bob Sanders is bound to break someones leg, if not his own.

BigRicks said...

The romo tag might've made me laugh the hardest.

I looked forward to the Patriots being on offense because of some outward hope that he might get hurt. Stupid fucking offensive line. How much would it take to buy one of them off? That's the key right there.

whowillsexmutombo? said...

Never mind knee injuries. I want to see some scalps. I don't think the rulebook specifically outlaws scalping, does it?

The Humanist said...

You forgot J.P. Losman

That's "J.P.", for "Just Punt"

dick_gozinia said...

Isn't Matt "Matty" Leinart hurt too? Arizona...I hear Jeff George is available.

Big Daddy Drew said...

I'll add them both now

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

You should know better than to upset Vince Young.

naptown drew said...

Ummm...

If Rodney Harrison is going to jack Brady up it would have to be during one hardcore scrimmage.

Maj is so high he went back in time five years. If you've got the Vick Elder Bud, you best be sharin' that shit!

Matt said...

I would pay $75.13 for someone to break Peyton Manning's leg. $99.04 for a broken neck.

twoeightnine said...

Rodney Harrison is so dirty that he just might break Brady's leg, in a game.

JAMMQ said...

Best bet for a defender to cash in on the Brady Bounty isn't until December when the Patriots play at Baltimore, and then play the Steelers.

Ray Lewis may be our only hope.

Michael said...

A John Fourcade reference?!? Love it!

Franklin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Franklin said...

Fuck yes. Brady needs to go down. Fuck all the other good QB's just get Brady. If anyone does not want to see Brady have his Fibula and Tibia broken like a bat, then you are a faggot and are probably crying about the sawks right now and wanking off to a bill simmons article.

Russell K said...

@jammq

Terrell Suggs. He was tring to kill every single NFC QB during the Pro Bowl. Suggs breaks Brady's leg, the Pats lose every game after the Ravens one, make the playoffs and lose their first playoff game. Please, God?

smurphette said...

I gotta disagree with you on Leinart. I take great pleasure in watching him get hurt, and will be happy to see it happen over and over again, as often as possible.

Five Pound Bag said...

BDD -

I have assembled the team and await your deposit.

Gillooly

Jackin'4Beats said...

Instead, I bet Joey Harrington's the next QB to pull a vagine muscle and go down for the rest of the season.

PLEASE GOD'S LINEBACKER!!!! PLEASE SNAP BRADY IN TWO SO WE CAN ALL PARTY LIKE ITS 1999...and so TSG can jump off the nearest bridge in despair.

bfreakin3 said...

Even though God brought him back, Jon Kitna got taken out too.

Josh McCown also.

brad said...

@ five pound bag

Great comment. I'm going to laugh for days.

Jackin'4Beats said...

BDD -

Not to hype up Purple Jesus too much, but did you see/hear what Deion Sanders said about your boy?

Adrian Peteron on NFL Network

Go to 1:15 of the video for the comments. I wonder if that is too much hype even for the purple one...

Signal to Noise said...

That is quite possibly the gayest on-field photo of a quarterback I have ever seen -- socks at the knees, white gloves...wow.

Jackin'4Beats said...

That's spandex body suit to you my friend. And yes, still gay.

smeos said...

I hope someone shatters Matt Hasselbeck's bald head. Then we can go to our back up . . . Charlie Frye . . .

OH FUCK NO!

*kills self*

ASmith said...

I have sent the entire contents of the Bounty Box Gift Basket to Kimo Von Oelhoffen of the Philadelphia Eagles.

Kimo, fifty American dollars are yours upon your succesful shin raping of Tom Brady

Grimey said...

David Carr isn't allowed in the band because he listens to that glam rock shit

Canek said...

Did anyone see Roy Williams go for brady's knees at the beginning of last Sunday's game. It was so close to a Palmeresque injury.

Also, this column is not the most politically incorrect post, but it is up there.

Swolestice said...

@signal to noise

apparently, you've never seen Jeff Garcia play. Ghey.

Swolestice said...

I hope that Kris Jenkins drops all 375 LBS on Rocket-Laser-Arm in two weeks and brings the "consecutive games with a start" mark to an end. I think this would also give Peyton the opportunity to endorse "Ben-Ghey"

Walklett said...

Trent Green had the right idea, wrong knee though.

SlideShow Bob said...

+1 to Grimey

Ill take a Always Sunny refrence any chance i could get.

Ethan Stanislawski said...

Thanks to you guys linking my facebook group, I may be seriously in the hole this weekend. I can't believe that as a Jets fan, I may have to send Jayson Taylor a check for $193. The cruel irony is I would have been spending my money betting on the Patriots.