Monday, October 15, 2007

Yesterday Sucked Ass, With One Notable Exception


I can't even begin to properly articulate how upset I was by yesterday's Redskins game. I believe my post-game analysis went something along the lines of, "Fuckyouintheassyouoldasspieceofshitcoach!" Since then I've had some time to think about things, but that's really just pissed me off a whole lot more.

Joe Fucking Gibbs couldn't manage a Wawa, let alone an endgame scenario in the NFL. He was botching timeouts like he was playing the role of Herm Edwards in the worst biopic since Alexander. All day Aaron Kampman was running through the Skins' backup right tackles like they were a turnstile yet with the game on the line an injured Todd Wade was out on an island. How about leaving a fucking tight end in there to help out? That was positively Spurrierian. And how about that play call on 4th and 2?! Nothing says "I'm a spineless shell of my former self" like a calling a zero-yard swing pass to the running back when you need a first down to extend the game. Even Jesus himself is having a hard time loving Coach Gibbs this morning.

How many more second halves can the Gibbs/Saunders tandem fuck up before Washingtonians start to answer Big Daddy Drew's prayers by booking one-way tickets to the 14th Street Bridge? One, maybe two if we're lucky.

Yet by the end of Sunday's late games my vitriol began to subside. You see, the only thing that can make a Redskin fan forget their team's incompetent failure is a Dallas Cowboys loss. Call us pathetic (hey, fuck you!) but the next best thing to a Redskins victory is a painful Cowboy defeat. So call me Peter King (again, fuck you) if you must, but today I am slurping on the coiffured nuts of Tom Brady, and I'm not the only one who might be ready to label him a hero.




Yeah, it feels good to dance.

video via the Flying Sandos Mottram Brothers

Irrelevant aside: If you like Jay Z or Jews you should check out this video.

23 comments:

Christmas Ape said...

Stay the fuck away from Bill Cowher.

That is all.

Upstate Underdog said...

that 5 game parlay didn't work out too well either.

Hustler of Culture said...

My father in law had to take out his hearing aid during the Skins game yesterday. Not good times...

FUCKING MOSS....JUST CATCH THE DAMN BALL

Uh-oh...heading to my bad place again...

devang said...

booking one-way tickets to the 14th Street Bridge

Glad to see Stern is still an influence.

devang said...

the only thing that can make a Redskin fan forget their team's incompetent failure is a Dallas Cowboys loss.

But how do you feel about the Giants?

My Insignificant Life said...

F'n Cowboys up 24-21 and T.O. seems to have forgotten how to catch the f'n football....and Brady....standing 7 steps deep in the pocket, football in one hand, waving 'His Patriot' in his other getting ready for his next cum dumpster. Damn Him - The bounty is now up to $50.......

Vanilla said...

"Spurrierian"

I got stuck on that word for about 5 minutes trying to figure out how I should pronounce it. Then I realized that I wasn't reading out loud so it didn't really matter.

mind... said...

eh. as a Cowboys fan, I am okay with yesterday since Dallas lost to the best team in the league and Washington gave the game away to the Packers. 5-1.

allie said...

heh, I also got stuck on "spurrierian"...

I don't even hate the cowboys that much, but nothing's more satisfying than taking TO down a peg or two. I assume the ridiculous shades were meant to conceal his puffy red eyes.

Barry said...

T.O.:
If the Patriots aren't the best team in the NFL who is? Eat a dick you sore losing fucking queer.
Country Time Welker showed up bigger than you today, and he's fucking white!

Andrew said...

"Spurrierian"

You have to slow down and articulate the second and third syllables ("ee-yer") in a way that seems unnatural when pronouncing his name.

Also, the best team won that game.

Jus sayin.

Christmas Ape said...

Spurrierian

Heddi-heddi-heddi-ho.

Jackin'4Beats said...

UM, it's unfortunate that you must soothe your Foreskins' loss with a Cowboys defeat since the Boys lost at the hands of the best team in the league...and the skins got beat by a washed up gunslinger and their porous defense.

I was upset watching that game and began thinking about ways to better communicate the Brady Bounty to the defensive lineman in the league before it was too late.

Pats are clearly the better team, but 12 penalties many of which killed drives definitely made the score much more lopsided.

The word of the week in Valley Ranch is DISCIPLINE...and TITTIES!!!

WHOOO HOO!!!!!

Gern said...

How can Peter King say anything about Tom Brady? Brett Favre's cock is shoved so far down his throat he has to breathe through his asshole.

Dan said...

The best part of the Dallas/NE "game" was listening to all my Dallas fan friends bitch about how classless Billy was for running up the score. My Response -- "Belichek may be a bully. What does that make Dallas, besides a sniveling kid who just got punched in the face?" New England will repeatedly bitch slap every team they face this year, especially the ones whose head coaches are dumb enough to insult em to the media before the game.

By the way what are the chances they break the single game scoring record vs the Jets in Foxboro? I'm thinking Mangini gets "accidentally" sacked out of bounds at least twice and that the Jets yardage gained rushing will be less than the Pats' point tally..

Slash said...

"... today I am slurping on the coiffured nuts of Tom Brady..."

Wow... that is something. Not sure what yet. I'm trying not to picture Tom Brady's nuts, but that's difficult, with such vivid use of language.

I saw part of the last 4 minutes of that Dallas game by accident - I was waiting on a takeout burger and fries at a sports bar. The other patrons looked distinctly demoralized, and that was before the Patriots field goal (or whatever it's called).

My god, do sportscasters ever shut up? If I watched sports regularly, I'd have to do it with the sound off.

Chamomiles Davis said...

UM,

I tend to root for the Eagles and whoever plays the Cowboys. Still, I hate the goddamned Pats, so it was like rooting for the lesser of two evils. I betcha ol' Puddin Tits got reamed nice and rough after that debacle.

Oh, and Santana Moss -- thanks for justifying me holding onto you for three weeks while you recovered, you worthless bastard! Between you and James Jones (another bastard), my fantasy team has had two wideouts cough up the ball THREE FUCKING TIMES in the last two weeks.

I mean, how is that even fucking possible?!? If I'd kept your ass on the bench and started nobody, I'd have been better off.

(Christ, this is fun, isn't it?)

David said...

I had Spur-yerr-i-an on the pronunciation.

Zodiac said...

Santana Moss has to be the most worthless fantasy player of the year... I believe he is worth a total of -5 in my league this year.

Sigh.

He cost me the win this week.

Ken Dynamo said...

the NFC East is the best intradivisional hatred.

why dont more skins fans direct their anger toward snyder? he is is the head fuck up in charge.

Bucktown Skins Fan said...

@ jackin'4beats:

"and the skins got beat by a washed up gunslinger and their porous defense."

I resent that. The Skins lost to ineptitude and poor execution, not Favre. Favre didn't do shite to win that game. The Skins offense, with their hamstrung o-line and midget-sized, stone-handed WRs, won that game for the Pack.

@ ken dynamo:

Read any Skins fan board NOT owned by theDanny and you'll see the vitriol. He's calmed down a lot since Gibbs 2.0, but he's still in the doghouse, as far as I'm concerned, for not hiring a real GM for this team.

mamacita said...

@slash -- The only way to watch sports is on mute. Fucking chatterbox sportscasters sound more like a Bunco party than a football game.

Jackin'4Beats said...

And that video is unicorn gayyyeeeee. Damn IT people at work.