Monday, October 1, 2007

Joey Porter's alligator mouth writes check his hummingbird ass can't cover


"We will win on Sunday. We will win and that's it." - Joey Porter, 9/26/07


"You can make the mouth say anything, but there's 60 minutes of football that have to be played. It's tough when you run your mouth, boy. It's tough." - Warren Sapp, 9/30/07


Miami linebacker Joey Porter had guaranteed a win over the Raiders yesterday. Not only did the Dolphins get waxed 35-17, but the Raiders' B-team running backs hung 299 rushing yards on Porter, who could only manage four measly tackles.

Here's a prediction: the Dolphins, who gave Porter $20 million in guaranteed money, will soon be filled with buyer's remorse (if they aren't already). Porter needs to stick to what he knows, hiding behind his entourage while they jump a one-legged offensive lineman.

J-Peezy looking like a broke-dick Rico Tubbs.

16 comments:

Jackin'4Beats said...

Trent Green doesn't look all that great now does he...DOES HE YOU FUCKERS!!!!
- Daunte Culpepper

flubby said...

No doubt. I don't think Charles Bronson took that much vengeance in all the Death Wish movies combined.

Christmas Ape said...

Marge: That's not a leather muppet, that's Joey Porter. Mmm, back in
the early '00s he was quite a teen heartthrob.
Homer: Yeah, who'd have thought he'd turn out to be such a weirdo?
Marge: What are you talking about?
Homer: You know, his bizarre personal life. Those weird things they say he does down at the aquarium. Why I heard...
Marge: Oh, Homer, that's just an urban legend. People don't do that
type of thing with fish!

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

Michael Mann would like to re-imagine that photoshop.

leaf said...

Could photoshopped in just a little more jeri curl on Rico.

Ken Dynamo said...

lots of hatred on the blog today. nice. i too have hatred in my heart today. then i think of winston justice and i feel better. i bet some pissed of philadelphian mails him a can of campel's soup with a knife thru it and a note thats says "You"

JAMMQ said...

You're a Raider fan? Dammit!

Why is it when you get your hopes up in a person they always let you down?

Otto Man said...

"Gay? I wish! If I were gay they'd be no problem! No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all costs."

Otto Man said...

With all due respect, Flubby, it's my duty as a Chiefs fan to tell you and the other pituitary cases in Raider Nation to kindly go fuck yourselves.

That said, I realize you've still got the Cryptkeeper in there as owner, so you're already halfway there. If anyone can find a way to mess up this decent start, it's the Strom Thurmond lookalike in the stylish windbreaker and Blu-Blocker shades.

flubby said...

Yeah, otto, hopefully the franchise will be able to recover once the old man is six-feet under.


Like that douchebag Derrick Thomas.

Otto Man said...

I was expecting a joke about one of our old coots. Crazy Hank Stram, with the bad toupee and "matriculate the ball" lingo, or maybe Marty Schottenfuhrer, with his patented "there's a gleam" inspirational speeches.

But you went after Derrick Thomas? That's cold.

If you'll excuse me, I have something in both my eyes.

Punch Rockgroin said...

How bout them Broncos?

denvergodfather said...

how about fuck you sluggo.

seamusfurr said...

Culpepper made $16M to play 4 shitty, sack-filled games for the Dolphins. Who was it who deserved "revenge"?

Jackin'4Beats said...

If Culpepper wasn't ready to play the full season last year, then the Dolphins should have done their homework and not signed him (Strike 1). It's their fault they signed him and they compounded that mistake by releasing him when he was healthy for Trent Green who missed most of last season with a concussion. Strikes 2 and 3 for the Fins. No wonder they suck.

J.L. White said...

this is a test to see --if Joey Porter is still a douchebag-- how to use HTML tags.