Jon Jeebus vs. Joe Jeebus. WHO YA GOT?
Praise be! The Lord's favored football disciples are rewarded by being on winning teams. Tony Dungy's Colts are 4-0, Shaun Alexander's C-Hox are 3-1, and facing off this week are Jon Kitna's surprising 3-1 Lions and Joe Gibbs' 2-1 godless sun worshipers. Of course, God's linebacker, Ray Lewis, is holding everybody back with the Ravens' disappointing 2-2 start, but he's been known to stray from time to time, anyway. Jesus' love is on the line. WHO YA GOT?
Contestants
Jon Kitna_________________Joe Gibbs
Worships
Healing God ________________Vengeful God
Worshiped blindly by
Peter King_____________Fatuous Redskins fans
Alternative career
Project Mayhem participant____________NASCAR team owner
Sinister force pulling the strings
Matt Millen_________________Dan Snyder
Goals for season
Win 10 games______give Brandon Lloyd that old time religion
Sacrament
Piece of the true cross___________Understanding of game as it was played in Biblical times
Finishing move
Same:
Jon Kitna_________________Joe Gibbs
Worships
Healing God ________________Vengeful God
Worshiped blindly by
Peter King_____________Fatuous Redskins fans
Alternative career
Project Mayhem participant____________NASCAR team owner
Sinister force pulling the strings
Matt Millen_________________Dan Snyder
Goals for season
Win 10 games______give Brandon Lloyd that old time religion
Sacrament
Piece of the true cross___________Understanding of game as it was played in Biblical times
Finishing move
Same:
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16 comments:
Coach Gibbs' vengeful god will annihilate Shop Class Kitna's pussy god.
The amazing thing about Kitna is he still believes in God despite that terrible hairline he was blessed with.
Roy Williams vs. Carlos Rogers? There is no god for Maj.
Lions by 10.
Is it Jamboroo time yet?
I've got to decide which QB to start this week in my fantasy league - Drew Brees or Kitna... every ounce of my being is saying Kitna, but some gay sentimental part of me thinks brees will magically stop sucking... is washington's D any good?
Start Kitna, dummy.
i think i needed to hear that
Matt Millen vs. Dan Snyder....now theres a battle of epic fuck-up proportions
Dan Snyder is like if Jerry Jones was stuck in a loop of the 1989 season...ala Groundhog Day. That's how smart he is.
Da Lions...even though Millen will probably trade Roy Williams for Keenen McCardell at some point to even up the odds.
Gibbs' God is funded by Six Flags and Johnny Rockets. Kitna's God is funded by Ford.
If you want to go work a 12 hour shift on an assembly line installing brake pads, you can go with Matt Millen to Detroit.
But if you want a cheeseburger with fries and a milkshake after we ride the roller coasters, you can ride with the Hogettes. They'll let you smoke cigars in the car
HAIL!
But if there's a God, why are the Patriots doing well? They were caught carving graven images!
Wow, The Simpsons really did do it.
@ BDD:
I'm a glass full kind of guy myself.
So instead of looking at the Pats success as a detriment to the belief in God, I try to look at it as proof positive that the Devil exists.
How else did Bill Belichek get away with no suspension, Moss get miraculously healed of his apathy and Brady continues to nail a Brazilian super model? That must have been one hefty contract they signed with old Beelzebub.
@Pemulis, I'd take my chances with Kitna.
I must refer you, big daddy drew, to the book of Job, where God took his most faithful worshiper and let the devil fuck up his whole life to prove Job would still worship Him. After Job did, God rewarded him with even more than he had before. So, God is letting the Patriots torment us like this, but it shall all end soon when Tom Brady loses both knees and his right shoulder to an eager lineman hoping to claim a little extra on that $30 bounty, Randy Moss tries to run over another traffic cop only to realize he's in Boston where they hate black people and he's promptly shot, Rodney Harrison tears every tendon in his body weakened from HGH/steroids use, and Bill Belichik gets herpes, ciphylis, gonorrhea, and AIDS from his latest cougar hunting expedition. Praise be to God
Amen to that bambi.
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