Sunday, October 28, 2007

F--k Baseball And F--k You


What the fuck is this shit? I thought Sunday Night was Football Night (tm)? I was ready for a game. A football game. And now, here I sit, at 8 o'clock, after a full day of...stuff...and now YOU'RE TELLING ME THERE'S NO GODDAMN FOOTBALL ON TONIGHT?

I don't want to...wait, what's that? There's no football...because of baseball? No, noooo, this is fucking bullshit. This is America, goddammit! We don't cancel football for baseball. They cancel baseball for rain. For fucking rain, man! They can't even stand up in the face of precipitation! We cancel games for when presidents get shot in convertibles, not for some lame-fuck baseball game. We can have a cocksucking game in tea-and-crumpets London, but not tonight? At its regulary-scheduled space in my life? Fucking bullshit, man.

This does it. I don't wanna hear Jerome Bettis ever again, telling me that Sunday Night is, or was, whatever. Not if he's gonna fold up his tent like some loafer-toting French infantryman every time baseball walks into town. As of now, Sunday Night Is Jerome Bettis Runs Like A Little Bitch Night. It wasn't bad enough when Willie Parker ran you out of Pittsburgh. Now you've got Tim McCarver and that crooked little finger he keeps up Joe Buck's ass running you off of the calendar. You've gotta represent, Jerome; this looks pretty fucking Grosse Pointe.

Leave it to fucking white people to ruin everything, man. Cocks.

29 comments:

Jason said...

the collective ego masturbation of New England's sports fans has reached cataclysmic proportions and is now affecting the electromagnetic spectrum; including television broadcast schedules, internet sportswriting, and radio call in shows.

also. jesus fuck motherfuck shitbag redskins. that really hurt.

MemphisRaines said...

C'mon, the pink-hose are playing the mountaineers in a national relegation battle or something. Right? THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!

peytonloveskenny said...

This has nothing to do with this post, but the bounty on Tom Brady's knee should increase exponentially after today.

naptown drew said...

After you watch the Colts beat the faggoty Patriots next week it will all be worth it.

Robert said...

JFC, dude, relax while you still can breath. Besides, all you apparently appreciate are losers like the Steelers and NFC East, anyway.

Regards,
a Boston fan

ie

Patriots
Red Sox
Celtics
Eagles
Revolution
and probably the city ping pong team also.

John said...

i'm calling bullshit on robert. no one watches soccer in america. also, why the hell is the new england GAYtriots (zing!) fan cheering for the eagles? do you need something to cheer for that isn't dominating the hell out of everyone while you bitch that no one understands the hardship you go through?

just go beat off to simmons or something, man. and chicago can kick your ass at ping pong, bitch.

John said...

I think he meant BC Eagles, John. Nice try though. Come up with another one next week when the Pats win again.

Raskolnikov said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mike said...

I love the Sox, but I need something to watch between innings. What is this shit?

peter king crowned my ass said...

No, Jerome really left the Steelers because Big Ben got him pregnant.

Russell K said...

Fuck the Red Sox. Besides, why the fuck did they even bother to play this game? Sox up 3 - zip and the Rockies are getting dominated. Cancel the formality of a fourth game, declare the Red Sox the World Champions or whatever and give us some goddamn football.

SRV said...

watching the horse shit world series game right now. Love that Fox charts every pitch so that you can see how the ump will call the pitch right down the pipe a ball and ball to the grill a strike. Come on sox win this game so we dont have to hear about anymore baseball!!!

John said...

But I thought all of America loved the Red Sox! You people must be engaging in some playful joke when you speak of hating the Boston 9. Jolly good! Also, I know I speak for all of us when I say congratulations Bill Belichick for your hard fought victory against the Washington Injuns! Oh I'm sorry, Injuns is so un-PC. I meant Redskins.

Lou Pickney said...

At least ESPN had the UCF/Southern Miss game. A marquee matchup it's not, but it's better than nothing. But it is pretty pathetic to me that NBC and the NFL would acquiesce on this one.

SlideShow Bob said...

If anyone else watched the Giants-Phins game in London, they would of wished they would of called that game off because of rain. At least i hope that its because of the rain that Eli threw for 50 yards in a win, i know it wasnt the Miami defense that caused it.

peytonloveskenny said...

@slideshow bob: Vince Young thinks Eli Manning played really well today.

Jeffrey said...

I agree punter; fuck baseball.

And Boston.

Avery said...

The NFL did not cancel games the Sunday after JFK was shot.

Monday Morning Punter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Monday Morning Punter said...

@avery: I never said that the NFL did. I merely implied that they would if it were to happen today, that they would.

The AFL did cancel its games immediately following the assassination, and many college football games followed suit, including the Illinois-Michigan State game, which was postponed at almost literally the last minute.

As an aside, I think your citation serves as another example that the NFL exercises poor judgment in regard to abnormalities in their scheduling. Yes, they postponed games after 9-11, counselor. What else have you got for me?

Tonzi said...

I think of it as a bonus. I got to watch the Red Sox win the World Series, and didn't have to miss a minute of football. Thank you NFL.

swing4 said...

At its regulary-scheduled space in my life?

So. True.

J.L. White said...

Roger Goddell: Hey Bill, pretty impressive win your team had this week!

Bill Belichek: Yup, that is correct.

Roger Goddell: Wow, not only did your team destroy one of the premier teams in the NFL, you also kept your starting QB in the game well into the 4th quarter, when victory was already secured. How brazen is that?

Bill Belichek: Not very, I guess. A win is a win, no matter what.

Roger Goddell: Sure thing, buddy. Hey, remember all those tapes you sent us, after you guys were caught video-tapping the Jets?


Bill Belichek: Uh....yeah.

Roger Goddell: Well, just thought you should now that we didn't actually burn ALL of the tapes.

Bill Belichek: What?

Roger Goddell: Yeah, we still have some, and I couldn't say if those tapes prove that your team didn't cheat in one of the Super Bowls, or not. But they could.

Bill Belichek: What are you trying...

Roger Goddell: Here's what you're going to do. If you stop running up the score every fucking week, and bench your starters when you already know you've won, then maybe those tapes will stay locked in my desk drawer. Understand?


Bill Belichek: Yes sir.


Roger Goddell: Good. And Bill, one more thing: Stop dressing like you shop at Goodwill. Thanks a bunch!

The Unreliable Narrator said...

No. You got to watch the Red Sox win the series, saw the passing of Tim McCarver into hibernation for another 12 months, and able to not have to hear somebody slobber all over Brett Favre's nutsack in front of a nationally televised audience.

Happy days indeed.

Tracer Bullet said...

I agree completly, Punter. Last night, I had to interact with my fucking family, then watch Desperate Housewives and goddamn Brothers and Fucking Sisters (a gang of rich, white Californians spent an hour obsessing over Calista Flockhart's dessicated cunt). Sunday night not for family, it's for goddamn football. I don't want to live in a world like this.

Christmas Ape said...

Sorry, J.L. White. Even Goodell wouldn't call the Redskins one of the premier teams in the league.

Unsilent Majority said...

I don't know ape, the league is pretty shitty right now.

Jason said...

The league is the Pats, the Colts, and ?

Big Jim Slade said...

The league is the Pats, the Colts, and ?

Melloncamp?