Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Pfft. More like Matt...McMansion!



Look at that insouciant air of contentment. And that was taken last year, before I won my Super Bowl ring. Yeah, I totally earned it. I wear it on the sidelines, even when I pretend like I'm warming up. Peyton smirks at it disdainfully after he throws a TD pass, but I like it just fine. He can't break my stride, because, well, I sit, mostly.

But it all got so much better. Yes, folks they just added a new lane to Easy Street -- Jim Sorgi got himself an extension.

What's that, Matt Cassel? YOU'RE still in your original contract? YOU still haven't won a ring? YOUR douchey fans are angry at you for throwing garbage time picks against the Dolphins when the Pats are already up by 40 points?

Oh sure, you ran for your "Eff You TD" against the Redskins. I'm pretty sure Mickey from Natick scored in that game, too. Well, I had my first two pass attempts of the season Sunday against the Panthers. And I completed one of them! My 62.9 passer rating scoffs at your meager 19.2.

And you call yourself a backup.

If Brady goes down, you're a total liability. Me? I'm like the tiny nuke backing up America's 50,000 other nukes.

Sunday, you and me. It'll probably be close so neither of us will actually get in the game. How's about this: the first one of us kicked off the bench because a lineman wants to sit down loses. The Colts love them some Sorgi, especially when they hide my car keys and kick me in the knees. You're just another cog of Belichick's machine. I'm like those extra parts you get with IKEA furniture, y'know, in the really nice plastic baggy?

But with a RING.

15 comments:

naptown drew said...

Semi-interesting anecdote:

Jim Sorgi's wife (Lana) went to high school in a suburb on the westside in Indy. I have friends who know her and say she's always prodding Jim to leave Indy and try to find somewhere he might get more playing time. Jim apparently does NOT want off the gravy train and it causes problems with their relationship sometimes.

This has been naptowndrew for KSK Sports.

Steve H said...

Just thought I'd point out that the entire city of Indianapolis seems to be channeling their inner Easterbrook and think this is Good vs. Evil. In the Indianapolis Star, some columnist wrote "those Beacons of Purity in heavenly conflict with the Forces of Pure Evil." And he's being serious. No, seriously. Here's the link:
http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071030/COLUMNISTS01/710300349/1247/SPORTS

Dusty said...

Well fuck me running..a case of good vs evil..in a fucking football game?

Reminds me of that dickwad, crazy ass defensive player who used to think about his competition raping and pillaging his wife, in order to get up for the game.

I am stoned right now(wake and bake) so I can't remember his name..forgive me..or not.

smurphette said...

Nicely done, Ape. If, heaven forbid, something happens to Peyton, we are fucking finished.

@ naptown drew: Sorgi looks like a drowned rat, so Lana knows a little something about the gravy train herself.

Jackin'4Beats said...

If I might digress from the Sorgi vs. Cassel debate...best comment from one of the Deadspinners about The Gunslinger's performance last night.

Made me laugh out loud.

Big Jim Slade said...

"How's about this: the first one of us kicked off the bench because a lineman wants to sit down loses"

Nice!

lieutenant winslow said...

yeah i'll take 'people whiter than ufford' for $1000, please.

ColeTrain said...

great post xmas ape!

Honestly, making nearly a million a year in backwater low cost of living town like Indy is pretty fucking awesome. Even without a Super Bowl ring. If Lana gives too much lip, Jim can head down to Broad Ripple and find some girl who can appreciate a man who earns money sitting on his ass.

smurphette said...

Broad Ripple = Adams Morgan of Indy

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

Sorgi is the stand in Peyton's commercials and babysits his kids. He can have anything the fridge that he wants. Peyton is usually home by 11:30, so it's a pretty sweet deal.

smeos said...

Indianapolis has a back-up quarterback?

I would have thought they just would have an old ball-throwing machine sitting on the sidelines. You know, just in case?

ColeTrain said...

At least he has a TD - They call him Matt Cassel 'cause he takes it to the HOUSE!

grungedave said...

Dammit, guys, come on - Easterbrook is just *baiting* you to respond now...

and yet I see nothing.

Ben said...

I guess he gets to "be ready" for 3 more years...

Robocats said...

Nicely done, Ben. Hit the showers.