Monday, October 29, 2007

KSK Gamebook: Week 8 Games

-Of all the days during the week my kid refuses to take her regularly scheduled 1PM nap, it had to be Sunday. Damn you, child. If you weren’t so cute and helpless, I’d leave you in the recycling bin.

-Okay, Cadillac. I have an answer to your question. If the car in question is a fucking Cadillac, then no.

-Seriously, those ads are starting to get on my fucking nerves. It’s hard to fuck up an ad when you put Kate Walsh (above) in it. But I should never underestimate the gross incompetence of American automakers. And if I don’t get the Kate Walsh ad, then I get the ad with the other, random guy, asking the SAME FUCKING QUESTION. “The question is: when you turn on your car, does it return the favor?” Not that big red fucking boat you’re showing me right now, my man.

-Emily Deschanel plus Wonder Woman costume = boner

-KSK readers have feuded for a while over which Deschanel is superior: Emily or Zooey. I’m firmly ensconced in the Emily camp, but let’s go to the red carpet!

This is an easy call for me, but perhaps not for you. Emily’s got height on her sis. And she has more, uh, you know, ampleness. Whereas Zooey (on the right) has the ankle tattoo, so you know she’s up for giving you a wild ride. Plus, she does a lovely “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”. Still, I remain firmly in Emily’s corner on this one. Perhaps a duel of the boners is called for. My penile epee will outpoint you any day of the week.

-When the Patriots play another team, the other team may as well not fucking exist. I’m not blaming the announcers here. It’s hard to talk about the other team when they aren’t doing anything. I think the Patriots might break a bigger sweat in practice. In fact, I’m convinced of it. And yes, the Brady bounty will be increased later this week. Fucking Brady and his functional body.

-If you saw any of Romeo Crennel’s locker room speech after the Cleveland win, you wouldn’t have been very inspired. I didn’t know you could say “all right” that many times in one minute. Romeo’s clearly a big Johnny Two Times fan. “All right, men. All right. Good win, but we’re not done. All right? We’re not done. We’re at 4-3, 4-3, and our head’s above water now. All right? OUR HEAD IS ABOVE WATER! All right, but we’re not done. Our head is above water, but we’re not done. All right?” All right, coach.

-Also heard Braylon Edwards in the postgame say the Browns needed to “forget about tomorrow” and concentrate on the Steelers. Hard to do the latter when you do the former, Braylon.

-Eek! The FOX football robot has a jack-o-lantern head! And he’s demanding robot candy! (Robot candy, if you were unaware, is made from human plasma.)

-If Budweiser is the Great American Lager, then Newt Gingrich’s “1945” is the Great American Novel. In Gingrich’s book, the Germans win. Terrifying!

-Next week’s Colts-Pats game is a regional game. If you live in Houston or Oakland you don’t have a satellite dish, you’re probably not going to be very happy come Sunday at 4:15PM. Unless you enjoy watching Daunte Culpepper try and grasp a football with his tiny little midget hands.

-I listened to some of yesterday’s Redskins game on the radio. The Redskin radio analysts, in case you did not know, are Sam Huff and Sonny Jurgenson, who between them probably own 15% of a functioning human brain. I have to say, it's almost BETTER when the two analysts are senile old guys. At least they have an excuse. And at least their early onset Alzheimer’s makes for fun exchanges. Like this one, which happened on the Redskins’ opening drive:

Sam: This is good. The defense is getting a rest.

Sonny: The defense hasn't taken the field yet!

Sam: I know! They're getting rest!

I bet that booth has a chamber pot in it.

-I watched the Eagles-Vikings game yesterday, and I really have nothing to say about it. Except that Brad Childress needs to be shot dead and left in a ravine.


dick_gozinia said...

Although hugs and kisses to Caddy for using the song "Stars" by Hum as the music to the Cadillac commercial. Always liked that tune...and always liked Kate Walsh.

And I would respectfully disagree on the Deschanel girls. Zooey looks like she'd be much more fun...and crazy!

Unsilent Majority said...

In Gingrich’s book, the Germans win. Terrifying!

Silly Newt, always dreaming of that Nazi utopia.

Unsilent Majority said...

so hot

i want em both

Ben said...

Why would you want to waste a bullet and pollute a ravine like that?

Suss said...

Also heard Braylon Edwards in the postgame say the Browns needed to “forget about tomorrow”

Looks like someone doesn't watch Heroes.

Five Pound Bag said...

There's more posting here today than.. uhh... the Post Office.

Thanks guys!

brad said...

"Robot candy, if you were unaware, is made from human plasma."

I have type AB blood. Any doctor or Red Cross volunteer will tell you my plasma's the shit.

Steve said...

Oh God Bless Redskins Radio. As I was driving up Rt 17 for well over an hour, and then sitting on 95 North doing 20mph even though there were no accidents within 200 miles... I got to listen to every single Jurgenson and Huff exchange. Class acts, no doubt. I didn't watch any of the game but apparently anytime the ball was thrown near Moss our boys in the booth so at least 3 pushoffs.

Chamomiles Davis said...


Sorry the Birds' victory had to come at your team's expense, but we need the wins where we can get them. Dallas is coming to town next week and I'm debating whether or not to stock up on Pepto-Bismol, Bayer and Prozac before the game starts.

Unsilent Majority said...

to be fair, moss was a bit handsy

NHZ said...

Zooey for the win - good looking, great actress.

grungedave said...

I still side with Zooey.

and I still live in Houston, so....... FUCK!. HNIC Goodell must really hate me.

Dusty said...

I say we cut him up and feed the pieces through a wood chipper..ala one of my favorite movies..

Weed Against Speed said...

If we were able to wait long enough, Childress would choke on his own arrogance and die.

But since this would probably take until the end of the season, have at it.

roy said...

No comment on the big fat doofus white guy wearing a fucking BRA! in the Browns locker room?

Jackin'4Beats said...

@ BDD: I agree, Brad Childress is an idiot and should be shot with a harpoon gun Face/Off style.

@ chamomiles davis: I'm actually glad the Iggles won that game. Now they can feel good about themselves right up until the Cowboys exact some revenge for the last 4+ years.

I think the Brady Bounty should be upped to a cool C note. Maybe then, we'll get some D-Linemen to take our threats seriously.

Les Savy Ferd said...

Pretty sure "duel of the boners" is an euphemism for gay sex.

Also, while we are just speculating on the preference of deschanels, why not just say both? I mean if we are going to pretend we have a chance with one of them, why not both. at the same time.

i totally forgot the rest of what I was going to say.

Chamomiles Davis said...


Oh, trust me -- I have no delusions about the swift and brutal beat-down to be delivered upon Philly next Sunday night. I'll be flying to Vegas Monday morning, so that should help get the bad taste of losing out of my mouth... at least until I reach the blackjack tables.

Phony Gwynn said...

Can't we just put Childress in charge of the Chargers' offense, and hope he soon becomes engulfed in a snarling, crackling, wildfire embrace? Much better, I think.

Otto Man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Otto Man said...

I have type AB blood. Any doctor or Red Cross volunteer will tell you my plasma's the shit.

AB ain't nothin'. It's not even it's own blood type, just a stupid hybrid. Make up your fucking mind already.

Me? I'm type O. That's the primo shit, folks. That's the universal donor, which means no matter who you are or what your blood type is, I'm your own personal walking, talking, ass-kicking Red Cross.

Seriously, my blood type kicks so much ass, they had to put twelve letters between it and all the other ones. A, B, and their retarded inbred offspring AB can huddle all the way in the corner over there, but O stands alone, dead center in the alphabet.

Type O. King of Bloods. Look upon its works, ye mighty, and despair!

The Last Dragon said...

I never did a Wade and Jerry post last week. Is it because they lost? Damn you!!! Those are my favorite. Give us one this week.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Looks like Mike Wilbon is trying to get in on this Brady Bounty thing...

Good work BDD.

mike said...

yeah, why do I have to choose one deschanel?

rar288 said...

I feel your pain BDD. I'm a Bears fan. We just lost to the fucking Lions at home. Fuck.

lost said...

Zooey or Emily?

Osi Umenyiora awaits j4b's photographic counterpoint...

wv:mzuzvamp. Monica Bellucci in 'Dracula'? I'll take that over a stack of four Deschanels.