Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Pacman Jones: the air of respectability that pro wrestling desperately needs right now


Our man Dan V. comes through with another kickass photoshop-- this one imagining what Pacman Jones’ wrestling debut on Thursday might look like. There have been rumblings that any wrestling on Pac’s part could violate his NFL contract. But Jones may figure that his bridges with the Titans are burned anyway, so he might as well cash a few checks before he moves into the crossbar hotel.

We can only wait and see if Pac actually makes it rain at his matches. However, in doing so, he would be edging dangerously close to infringing on the greatest wrestling gimmick of all time. One thing wrestlers don’t tolerate in their business is gimmick thieves. And who can blame them-- drug addicts, spouse abusers, habitual criminals and serial killers are one thing, but gimmick thievery is a serious offense. [Update: reader Barry sends in this link to my favorite Million Dollar Man interview.]

The man in a wheelchair because of Jones’ alleged lawlessness is named Tommy Urbanski. Apparently, Urbanski was once “enhancement talent” (think perennial losers like Brooklyn Brawler or Special Delivery Jones) in the then-WWF. So now Jones is parlaying the notoriety obtained in Urbanski’s shooting into the career that Urbanski craved, but, presumably, couldn’t make it in. Wow. Urbanski must really hate Jones now. Here’s hoping that TNA money winds up in the pockets of Urbanski and the rest of the people Jones has crapped on in his life.

27 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

I was always a fan of Brutus the Barber Beefcake's gimmick. Unfortunately Pacman already cut the locks.

Uncle Ted said...

...and everybody's gotta pay.

(mon-ey, mon-ey, mon-ey, mon-ey, mon-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey,)

wv: ddrmm

Dance Dance Revolution Meow Mix

Grimey said...

That's definitely better than the photoshop I did. Damn that Dan V. is good.

ColeTrain said...

I can't believe I had to click the link to realize flubby was talking about Ted DiBiase. He was friggin awesome.

Pacman could do a take off the early nWo - instead of beating a guy with a chair and then spraypainting nWo on his back, he could draw a rain cloud instead. Or just take a piss on him.

Howie Feltersnatch said...

He could kill his wife, smother his son and... oh that gimmick is already taken? My bad.

He could always pick up where the Gobbledee Gooker left

Dale said...

@coletrain

See, then he'd just be ripping off Greg Maddux. Or is it different if you pee out of hate?

BeaverFever said...

when I think of "jobbers" I think of Johnny K-9 and "the unpredictable" Johnny Rodz. the Brooklyn Brawler and S.D. Jones were also legnedary jobbers.

Howie Feltersnatch said...

Great Jobbers eh?

You simply can't have a conversation about jobbers and forget Barry Horowitz or Iron Mike Sharpe

BeaverFever said...

good call on Barry Horowitz and Iron Mike Sharpe. I would also add Rene Goulet to that list of great jobbers.

Jarrett Carter said...

If PacMan really wants to set off his wrestling career, than he will select the Temptations' 1968 classic "I Wish It Would Rain" as his entrance music.

Derrick said...

The best Ted DiBiase gimmick was when he would pull some poor WT girl out of the audience and give her $100 to crawl around on hands and knees and bark like a dog in the ring. Nothing like good old fashioned public humiliation!

Pemulis said...

breaking news, quinn officially a brown, unofficially a giant queen

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/trainingcamp07/news/story?id=2964653

gerry dorsey said...

pac man will never be fit to wear the million dollar belt.

clicky

Pemulis said...

my personal hope is that pacman will wrestle Doink the Clown

Unsilent Majority said...

Barry Horowitz wasn't a jobber! He was the greatest Jew wrestler off all time and Vince McMahon couldn't handle it!

Unsilent Majority said...

/vigorously patting self on back

K-Rock said...

who can forget the best known jobber of all time (and in my opinion a closet homosexual):

Al Snow

Jackin'4Beats said...

Who can forget Bad News Brown and the ever-popular "Ghetto Blaster" finishing move.

Ahhh... that Vince McMahon... always finding ways to reinforce the stereotypes.

Grimey said...

I remember when Eddie Guerrero stole Brian Pillman's famous "dying in a hotel room" gimmick... that did NOT go over well

Otto Man said...

Who is Howie Feltersnatch and when did he go all Single White Female on me?

the butler said...

otto- I was thinking the same thing.

/creepy music

NDub said...

Pacman's debut is going to be golden. Over at Construda, we're going to make sure we watch this crap. It will HAVE to be good.

We speculated yesterday as to what his ring names will be.

http://construda.blogspot.com/search/label/Pacman%20Jones

By the way, KSK, you're our inspiration.

BeaverFever said...

@UM, I disagree. Bill Goldberg is the greatest Jewish pro wrestler of all time.

J-Red said...

And best Jewish football player, since I refuse to admit Jay Fiedler ever started.

And how has this comment thread gotten this far without mention of Pacman's obvious choice for manager, The Fabulous Moolah (played by Fabolous)?

Rick Muscles said...

I can't decide what is more embarrassing my college football team (Alabama 92,000 at a scrimmage and an unpunished drug bust) or my pro football team (Titans, with their stripper beating, pro rasslin', pot head corner back).

Josh Drimmer said...

now THAT's what I call photoshopping!

there's a new TMQ column up, as I'm sure you're all aware. it's so tired, I think it may be either self-parody, or beyond parody, but it's still worth another try. godspeed.

Gridiron Goddess said...

oh man, that photoshop is brilliantly spit diet coke all over keyboard in laughter worthy!