Monday, August 6, 2007

Steelers 20 Saints 7
Mike McKenzie: part of a well-balanced breakfast

Mike "Whole Wheat" McKenzie= Toast

  • One game does not a season make, but the Saints will need better play at the corner if they are to repeat last year's success. McKenzie couldn't guard a fencepost, much less Cedrick Wilson last night.

  • Bryant Gumbel gave us no sign that he miraculous turned into a tolerable play-by-play man during the off-season. At one point, Gumbel earnestly told a heart-felt story about how Mike Tomlin knew he could be a head coach after Tony Dungy allowed him to give a pre-game speech. After this maudlin tale was mercifully over, Cris Collinsworth quickly corrected Gumbel, pointing out that it was Jon Gruden, not Dungy, whom allowed Tomlin to address the team. Apparently Gumbel can only process information when it is spoon-fed to him in 12 minute chunks by Mary Carillo or Bernie Goldberg.

  • Michael Irvin hasn't been gone from ESPN long enough for us to feel nostalgic during his visit to the booth during last night's game. Since the Playmaker is a Cowboy, we were never a fan. But the idea that he was not a first-ballot Hall of Famer is utterly ridiwockle. Once thing that was apparent from Irvin's chat with Gumbel and Collinsworth was that he loves his kids. While we knew what he really meant, we couldn't help but feel a little creeped out by his repeated discussion of kissing his son "in the mouth."

  • Speaking of Mike, he came through like a champ during his induction speech. We're not convinced he didn't steal this from a cheesy 80s sports movie. Check it out before the YouTube police see it. Mike has no business as an analyst, but he remains one of the game's most compelling personalities.



24 comments:

lieutenant winslow said...

"he said to me michael, you see all these gray hairs? you gave me these gray hairs... i said yeah coach, but you see those 4 championship rings you got? i gave you those too."


best.induction speech.ever.

brad said...

NFL Network brought back Bryant Gumbel to call their games?!

I believe it was the alien from "Robot Chicken" who said it best:

DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT!!!

My word verification, appropriately enough, is "ytockiv," which I think means "talk with a dick in your mouth."

I think it's in Wikipedia, but I could be wrong.

Slash said...

"in the mouth" - that's classic.

Use of the correct preposition is a little-admired but very important skill.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Look up, get up! Stand up for your right!

He's been listening to too much Marley lately. I was wondering if he'd break into song.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Loved The Playmaker then and am still a big fan of his now. I haven't seen the entire Hall of Fame induction speech, but from the clips I saw it looked really emotional and heart-felt.

I read about the Steelers win this morning and the Yahoo article said Cedrick Wilson streaked past the Saints #1 corner Mike McKenzie...after reading that, I realized that the Saints are in deep shit if "Toast" is their best option as CB. DEEP. SHIT.

Rob I said...

Dan Shanoff said it best:

"Meanwhile, Michael Irvin must have a pretty good ghostwriter, to pull that contrite-sounding HOF speech out of his rear end. I'm sorry: No single speech will impact his lasting legacy of personal lampoonery. Part of the reason his speech was so notable was because basically everything else that had previously come out of his mouth for the past 10 years was complete and utter idiocy."

Jarrett Carter said...

The cast of Code Monkeys would be a better tandem than Gumbel and Collinsworth.

Bad Barbecue said...

Touching.

All that's missing is a snot bubble.

flubby said...

rob, why must you piss on Lt. Winslow's parade?

lieutenant winslow said...

swear to god i own an orange #47 irvin throwback that i wear in honor of the playmaker to canes games, strip clubs and when doing blow.

Rob I said...

I'm not pissing; I'm just holding Shanoff's wiener while HE pisses on Lt. Winslow's parade.

Otto Man said...

The Irvin speech was heartfelt, but way too overwrought. He made himself sound like Job, nobly bearing the injustices of the world he had no part in creating, when he was knee-deep in whores and cocaine for about a decade there.

You say you finally found Jesus? Guess he wasn't in that hooker's ass after all.

whowillsexmutombo? said...

To have Winslow's back, and to offer a quick rebuttal to Shanoff:

Name me one speech in the past 100 years of international politics that was not written by a ghost writer. Better yet, name me one coherent speech by a pro-athlete that didn't get a little help from a ghost writer.

And if we're going to base HOF worthiness on how "smart" the stuff coming out of people's mouth is... wow, that is one powerful breeze coming from one empty hall of fame.

In closing, Shanoff, why don't you go let Michael Irvin's cousin fuck you in the mouth.

Joe said...

Thank Christ! I was afraid I was wrong, and maybe you are supposed to kiss your son IN the mouth. Since I am Italian, and I've always thought kissing family members ON the lips was normal, although I can tell some homophobes think its weird, but I feel completely secure and normal after hearing Irvin repeatedly say he kisses his son IN the mouth.

denvergodfather said...

Nice Otto Man

Wally Ballz said...

Why the old photo of MM? Obviously, the last time he was smiley-happy was many moons ago in Green Bay. And that piece of toast needs to be a bit more burnt...

Big Jon said...

Those aren't tears coming from the playmaker's eyes, the gravitational pull from the knot in his necktie is so strong that it's pulling water out of his eyes.

Matt said...

You just had to find a picture of McKenzie in a Packers jersey, didn't you??

Just when I erased all memories of that assclown....

Wormfather said...

@Whowillsexmutombo

I like that so much that I just went over to Mr. Shanoff's site and reposted it.

No worries, I didnt take credit for it.

Jackin'4Beats said...

@ matt

Construda anyone?

Awful Chief said...

"I'm not pissing; I'm just holding Shanoff's wiener while HE pisses on Lt. Winslow's parade."

rob i, please stop shouting.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Threadjack for a second...

MMP - DUI cats as a FFB name? With the plethora of names out there to be taken? Jean Grey is not impressed.

/threadjack

whowillsexmutombo? said...

Wormfather - thanks for helping me start shit on other sites.

The Last Unitard said...

Whoopi?