Friday, August 24, 2007

Little Boy Blue: He Needed the Money
Giants gear up for Coughlin farewell tour

Worst upskirt ever.

Bob Glauber (not as mellifluous as Bob Dobalina, but close) is reporting that Michael Strahan has folded like a cheap pup tent and will slink into Giants' camp within the next day or two-- without the renegotiated contract he so desperately sought. I'm no Archimedes, but I know a little something about leverage. And rapidly aging defensive ends with ridiculously large alimony payments have no leverage.

Elsewhere in Giantdom, the Eli Manning-Tiki Barber catfight is reminiscent of the recent beef between Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell in that we really don't give a rat's ass about either side and would be perfectly content to see all parties hop into a roaring fire. Tiki needs something to ramp up his transition from lousy teammate to lousy broadcaster.

On the other hand, before the 2004 draft-- for what seems to be the first and last time in his life-- Manning decided to play hardass. He forced the Chargers to grant his wish and trade him to the most intense media crucible in all of sports. Now, according to Tony K. on PTI Wednesday, we should feel sorry for Eli because Tiki is picking on him. Fuck. That. Noise.

Remember Eli, there's much less scrutiny on the squash court.

The many faces of Manning: running the gamut from mild confusion to utter bewilderment. From the Sports Hernia.


Rob I said...

The countdown to Cowher

dick_gozinia said...

I still prefer Bob Loblaw.

And his law blog.

Jarrett Carter said...

The countdown to Tiki and Strahan writing a tell-all book on the Giants year from now.

Hustler of Culture said...

Fuck the Jersey Giants

Big Daddy Drew said...

Jack and Jack went up the hill, both with a buck and a quarter.
Jill came down with $2.50

Oh! That fuckin' hoo-uh!!!!

El Duffo O Muerte said...

These 2 bitches bitch more then 8 bitches on a bitch boat.

Ken Dynamo said...

Rub a Dub Dub
Three men in a tub.
Faggots have threesomes, too-
So fuckin' what.

dick_gozinia said...


thats a lemon party.

Wormfather said...

Michael Strahan sat on a whoa
Mrs. Strahan had a wind fall
She got all of his money and all of his things
Now it's up to someone else to put that bitch in her place again.

Wormfather said...

BTW Whoa is whore but pronounced without the 'r'.

Ken Dynamo said...

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her
And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?"

Big Daddy Drew said...

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
So Jack ignored her flabby tits
And licked her asshole clean!

Bada bing!

/puts on weightlifting gloves and does a behind the back cigarette puff

My Insignificant Life said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ken Dynamo said...

There was an old lady
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many kids
Her uterus fell out

Big Daddy Drew said...

Someone failed to read the headline.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Little Bo Peep
Fucked her sheep
Blew a horse
Licked his feet
She ate his ass so very nice
Tongued his balls not once but twice!

I'm telling you, this shit was genius when I was 12.

El Duffo O Muerte said...

Mary had a little lamb
little lamb, little lamb.
Mary had a little lamb,
Tom Brady took it home.

Ken Dynamo said...

theyre great for making toasts too.

Little jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating a pizza pie.
He shit pepperoni,
Then blew his friend Tony,
And wiped his mouth on his tie


BeaverFever said...

Bog '80's day here at KSK. R.E.M. song references in the previous post , now Andrew Dice-K. It's like I'm back in high school.

flubby said...

Waiting to see if anyone busts out my favorite Diceman rhyme...

BeaverFever said...

* Big 80's

BeaverFever said...

@flubby, hickory dickory dock, this chick was sucking my cock.... ?

Big Daddy Drew said...

Gotta be Hickory dickory dock, flub.

My Insignificant Life said...

@ BDD - I know - the shame I feel is horrible.....

Ken Dynamo said...

but there are multiple hickory dickory docks, (HDDs)

Hickory Dickory Dock.
My balls fell out of my jock.
I laid them to rest
On some hooker's chest
And paddled her face with my cock.


Hickory Dickory Dock
Some chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I dropped my goo
I dumped the bitch on the next block.

J.L. White said...

I seem to recall a nursery rhyme about a guy sticking his thumb into pie.....but I have no clue on how to re-word it so it would sound naughty. Oh well, maybe some other time.

liquid_d said...

gar gar gar gar indeed.

My Insignificant Life said...

you been a great audience, now go fuck yourselves....


BeaverFever said...

Is there going to be any pro football pick'em leagues here or just the team suicide (do it) pool ?

Otto Man said...

Back when Dennis Miller was still funny, he had the best take on the Diceman. "I don't see what people are so scared of. He's basically Fonzie with Tourette's Syndrome."

So long, ADC. I'll always remember you from such films as "The Adventures of Ford Fairlane" and a brilliant turn in "Amazon Women on the Moon."

Big Daddy Drew said...

otto, don't forget "Casual Sex?"

Ken Dynamo said...

Women sitting front row center were regularly traumatized by Dice's immediate attention. "Look at this big-titty bitch," he'd begin. "Her tits are huge. I would not mind sticking my dick in between those. Would you mind if I checked them out right here? How much do they weigh?"

One female audience member, Heather Swanson, was mortified. "For ten minutes he went on about my chest. He even brought my roommate into it, fantasizing what would it be like to have both 'pairs' in his face. When it was over, if there were a garbage bag I would have worn it home. I have never seen so many people, men and women, stare at breasts like they did. No eye contact is all I could think. Just don't look up. Don't even breathe."

Otto Man said...

otto, don't forget "Casual Sex?"

That was where he stretched his acting wings as a horny Italian greaser named "Vinny," right?

Yeah, I think I'll forget that one.

Chamomiles Davis said...

Three blind mice
See how they run
Where the fuck are they going?

As an Eagles fan, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying this. And since my team will never win a Super Bowl, this may be the most enjoyment I'll ever have.

Now if you'll excuse, I'm off to put out a contract on Britt Reid. Britt, you're killing your father, you asshole! Save this shit for the offseason!

BeaverFever said...

If my name was Britt I would drink a lot and embarass my dad. Pay back is a bitch.

Grimey said...

Don't forget Brainsmasher: A Love Story

Otto Man said...

Wait, was Britt Reid the son with the guns and the drugs, or the son with the drug paraphernalia?

When both get arrested on the same day, it's hard to tell them apart.

SlideShow Bob said...

For shame people, the best Dice is definetaly "Old Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard"

Atleast i hope thats the one Flubby had in mind

flubby said...

Actually, it was "Mary, Mary quite contrary..." but that one in money too.

Ken Dynamo said...

trim that bush its much to hairy?

and tho i wish i did have them all memorized, here is my source. fun times.