Wednesday, August 1, 2007

The No Fashion League

So the League has its 2007 Sideline caps up in the online shops for the 32 teams and the big League shop (want a link? Go jam a sausage up your ass and get fucked). And, at least for me, there's always that two-week cringe period of getting used to the hat every year when these things come out. Because the hat is so fucking ugly, people. I would not want to associate with the compulsive buyer that is getting (and wearing!) these hats every year. How do you even glance in their direction? Ever date somebody with a mole? Yeah, it's kinda like that, only this mole covers your entire head, and looks like somebody wiped his ass with it.

These new "Skidmark" hats have are "fitted," and I put that in quotes because they have that fucking elastic in them. Sweet fucking Mother of Pearl, don't I have enough fucking elastic in my nuthuggers already? No? Okay then. I'm still not buying that fucking hat. Not when I can get a Deltha O'Neal replica jersey for a paltry 75 smackers. Because Leon Hall's not gonna play him out of a job or anything...

29 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

skidmarks are the new hotness

T. White said...

Why does the NFL continue to put this shit out?

MLB has those new BP caps that actually aren't too bad but these are atrocious.

I can picture Eli Manning, standing on the sidelines at Giants stadium after throwing his 7th interception of the game with that dumb country bumpkin deer-in-the-headlights look on his face wearing this ugly ass cap. I can't wait for the season to start!

My Insignificant Life said...

Maybe the new sideline shorts will have skidmarks?

Big Daddy Drew said...

Puntkakke!

james said...

NFL.com, for your latest in Douchewear

Awful Chief said...

Like a regular hat, but zubazified by 35 percent.

Chuck said...

Why is MMP the only one of you fuckers working today? Lazy bastards.

Ricky said...

Somebody tell me why they can't just embroider the fucking logo on the cap and be done with it. That's all I'm looking for.

Illegal Immigrant said...

Eli Manning would wear an Eagles hat on the sidelines. Because besdie being a banana bat-shit house bad QB, he's a fucking moron.

BeaverFever said...

add that hat to the long list of ugly ass sideline hats. i still think the "wave" hats were the worst.

fallex said...

I'll stick with the Brett Favre sideline hat

skipper said...

@fallex:

I thought that was the Leonard Little Racing Helmet.

Kurt said...

raise your hand if you know someone who is going to proudly wear one of these things....

...i hate the people i watch games with.

BeaverFever said...

is the viking hat and flute shown in the previous post available at NFLshop.com ?

Sisto said...

Rednecks love ugly hats. These things sell like fucking hot-cakes South of the Mason-Dixon line. And in Detroit, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Cincinatti, etc..

Really, the NFL is doing us a favor by selling these hats, as they serve as an immediate visual reminder that you're in a place you don't really want to live. You know, in case you somehow forgot what a shithole Pittsburgh (or the South) is.

Clay said...

Hell yes they sell great down here south of the Mason-Dixon. We're much more secure in our sexuality than you joyless, emotionally twisted closet case rat bastard Yankees. Also, we lose sunglasses really easily.

Monday Morning Punter said...

Clay, I took your sunglasses. They look better on me, anyway.

Big Daddy Drew said...

If I buy more, then I save more?

Jeez, I'm losing money if I DON'T buy those puppies!

grips said...

i don't think its a regional thing. It's more that if your skull is a vacuous space full of hot air and cheetos you feel compelled to hold it down on your neck with the enormous amount of ugly that is contained in these hats.

swing4 said...

You think that's bad, check out the FOUR PAGES of gaudy, "gold toned" Eagles jewelry for women. What am I, wearing a spiral perm and bike shorts? Bite me, NFL licensing.

Unsilent Majority said...

"What am I, wearing a spiral perm and bike shorts?"

well we just kinda assumed...

swing4 said...

Shut it, Imelda.

WV: izjewbid

BeaverFever said...

just wait until the spiral perm and bike shorts make a comeback. that gold toned jewelry will be flying off that web site.

Jackin'4Beats said...

HEY!!!!! Leave the Yankees out of it, they have nothing to do with the backwards ways of the south.

Oh yeah and those Stunnaz in C-Bus (clint) also fall into the category of people I'm glad I don't know and places in which I'm glad I don't live.

gerry dorsey said...

seriously...when did it become ok to put fucking elastic in "fitted" hats?? they fit like shit...unless you have a huge melon. one size fits all my ass.

Vincenzoz said...

I don't understand the shitty design, but let's face it: Most NFL players could wear shit on a shingle for a hat and they would still look cooler than us.

ColeTrain said...

Come on... the old Sharktooth hat was fucking boss!

Franklin said...

The ugliest part about that hat shown .....its an Eagles cap

playmaker-27 said...

Wow---I thought I was the only one who lost sunglasses easily.....I feel so much better now.

I got my head busted open the last time I got the year's officially sanctioned hat. It was a freak accident but I'm not letting lightening strike twice.

I don't like lightening or two-by-fours.

mB