Tuesday, August 7, 2007

KSK 2007 NFL Season Prekkake: New Orleans Saints

Clockwise from left: QB Drew Brees, RB Reggie Bush, K Olindo Mare, and FS Kevin Kaesviharn

Five Fast Facts About the Saints:

- Kicker John Carney was released in April, leaving fullback Mike Karney as the only "carnie" on the team. Well, besides linebacker Mark Simoneau. He can guess your weight within three pounds.

- The Louisiana Superdome, which was a lawless refugee camp during Hurricane Katrina, has been home to more rapes and murders than any other NFL stadium besides McAfee Coliseum in Oakland.

- Unbeknownst to most fans fans, wide receiver Devery Henderson's first name is an adjective meaning "quick to spoil." As in: "Oh man, I didn't realize the meast was devery. We're rumphed."

- Defensive end Will Smith is married to semi-successful actress Jada Pinkett Smith.

- Reggie Bush has joined Matt Leinart as one of the few NFL stars who has dabbled in the medically unsound practice of dating celebutantes. The two former USC stars, of course, have now been romantically linked to Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton (respectively). The final third of that potent Trojan (Trojan -- God, I hope) offense, LenDale White, has been seen canoodling with a Nashville-area vending machine. You oughta see what happens to the Honey Buns in the sex tape.

OMG! BFF!

Projected 2007 record: 11-5, first in NFC South
Actual 2007 record: 16-0, first in NFC South, lose NFC semifinal at home.

It's hard to believe that it was just a year ago that we all wondered what would happen to the Saints. In 2005 the team went 3-13 while playing "home" games at such close-to-New Orleans locales as Baton Rouge, San Antonio, and New Jersey. They were coached by Jim Haslett and quarterbacked by Aaron Brooks. Owner/cockmonger Tom Benson seemed hellbound to move the team to San Antonio or Los Angeles. In short, it was the single most pitiful Saints season that didn't involve Archie Manning.

Ah, but what a difference a year makes! Coach Sean Payton was poached from the Cowboys, the Dolphins passed on free agent Drew Brees (How did Culpepper and Harrington work out, Miami?), the Texans passed on Reggie Bush, seventh-round pick and wide receiver Marques Colston became America's tight end, and the Saints cruised to a 10-6 record, the NFC South title, and the franchise's second playoff win EVER in an energized season in the rehabilitated Superdome.

Oh, and this chick got an F-bomb shown on live national television.


Thanks, "Fuck Da Eagles" girl, for being the pinnacle of the best Saints season ever. Do that again some more this year, 'kay?

24 comments:

Pemulis said...

i would hit that so hard the guy who pulls me out will be the next king to rule from camelot.

BeaverFever said...

nice to see yahoo fantasy sports only has Colston listed as a WR this year.

@pemulis, nice Excaliber reference.

gerry dorsey said...

carnies....small hands....smell like cabbage.

J.L. White said...

Dude, I totally peeked at Paris making out with the vending machine! She was fingering it's change dispenser and EVERYTHING!!!

JAMMQ said...

I picture LenDale White as more of a spooner than canoodler.

Otto Man said...

I think Lendale White made the best choice there. I wouldn't fuck the goat-faced one or the human petri dish without having my penis laminated first.

Grimey said...

I can say without question: this preview, in a pictorial sense, is the best prekakke so far. All Saints definitely get my "women I wanted to have sex with ten years ago" tag.

By the way, I'm still convinced that the bathrooms in the Superdome are haunted The Grudge-style.

BigFootFool said...

dude I thought her shirt said something about a hole at first...

And I was talking to Lendale White the other day and he said he was mad that machine dint have no Sticky Buns!

Wally said...

You really should have mentioned the tragic way John Carney was released from the team. Evidently, Saints GM Mickey Loomis bet John his roster spot that Loomis could throw a hula hoop over his chimney. Loomis won - Carneys always fall for that one.

whowillsexmutombo? said...

OTTO:
FYI / public health tip:
Laminating your cock does not protect you from STDs. I learned that the hard way.

Also, don't use the heat seal method when laminating cock. That actually hurts worse than the clap that you're unsuccessfully trying to avoid.

Otto Man said...

See, this is why I love KSK.

I came for the cock jokes, but I stay for the cock advice.

devang said...

Heh heh came for the cock....

Burnsy said...

And they replaced him with Olindo Mare. Finally the Dolphins get to laugh.

No? We don't get to laugh? My apologies.

SlickBomb said...

OMG BFF

What is this, TBL?

Good stuff, CC.

Peter McSheisty said...

Now dont get me wrong, I'd fuck the "Eagles" chick six ways from Sunday, but she looks kind of slow. Keep her away from Jason Simmons.

Peter McSheisty said...

Yeah, that link was supposed to send you here;
http://withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=3410

God I suck.

Jarrett Carter said...

Not Mentioned - Sean Payton posted the Cody Paul video on youtube and added the soundtrack.

NDub said...

Make it rain. I'd make it rain (skeet) on Fuck Da Eagles tramp.

Becky said...

I feel 87% more herpe-ish after viewing this post. Thanks Cap'n.

Dr. Mexico said...

I'd slam her out in the parking lot.

Lord Farceface said...

The Olindo Mare girl looks like she's missing a chromosome.

We need to get Fuck Da Eagles Heather some shirts that say Fuck Da Bears (Week 17), Fuck Da Titans (Week 3), and Fuck Da Fetus (Week 1, which was a Peyton Manning reference, not a reference to that delightful scene in KNOCKED UP or a game pregnant carnies occasionally like to play).

McFad said...

You forgot to mention Will Smith has also been known to shout "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" after a sack

Rick Muscles said...

band wagon: year 2

rar288 said...

Is it sad that a 10-6 season is a franchise's "best season ever".?

I know, that was kind of a dick thing to say.