Five Fast Facts About The Bills:
-Head coach Dick Jauron is still recovering from half of his face melting after opening the Ark of the Covenant.
-Rookie running back Marshawn Lynch is attempting to fill the shoes of recent Bills RBs Willis McGahee and Travis Henry by impregnating eight women, two does, and a baby sea cow.
-Team President Marv Levy has a lifelong endorsement contract with D. Lucky Lindy’s All-Purpose Hair Gel. “You’ll never fly solo again!”
-Tight end Robert Royal couldn’t catch a fucking O Ball.
-We reiterate that running back Shaud Williams is not a fan of Bruno:
Ten Yards Of Awkwardness With: Kyle Williams!
During our 2007 NFL Preview, I’ll be sitting down and “chatting” with a player from each team. For the Bills, it’s defensive tackle and jolly looking fellow Kyle Williams.
Big Daddy Drew: Kyle, thanks for sitting down with us.
Kyle Williams: Sure. No problem.
Drew: You sort of look like Tobey Maguire on the days he takes his depression meds. You ever get that?
Drew: You went to LSU. Earlier this year, LSU women’s basketball coach Pokey Chatman was fired for having affairs with her players. I saw the movie “Chasing Amy” once, and the annoying bitch who always cried in that flick said lesbians make love by fisting one another. My question is, when you bounce an LSU practice ball, does it stick to the court?
Williams: I have no idea.
Drew: Buffalo fans are famed for attending games shirtless. Is it fun to know that, when you take the field, you’re gonna see lots of tits, both male and female?
Williams: I don’t look into the stands.
Drew: The Bills have one of the more tortured fanbases in the league. Did Marv Levy hire Dick Jauron just to twist the knife a little bit more?
Williams: Coach Jauron is a good coach.
Drew: I heard Paul Posluszny is so dumb that if you staple a tail to his pants he chases it. True?
Drew: The Bills traded Willis McGahee in the offseason. How has McGahee’s departure affected the area’s Planned Parenthood clinics? I heard many of them had to be shuttered.
Williams: I don’t know.
Drew: Does Roscoe Parrish own a last basset hound named Flash?
Drew: Linebacker Coy Wire has a bitchin’ name. If I were him, after every tackle, I’d jump up and shout, “’CAUSE I’M ALIVE!!!!! A LIVE WI-AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Wouldn’t you?
Drew: Larry Triplett: fat lineman, or fattest lineman?
Williams: Fat lineman.
Drew: Quarterback JP Losman has a reputation for being somewhat cocky. But isn’t that somewhat earned on his part? I think he’s fucking dreamy. And so does most of the gay population in Buffalo. I think they like his unkempt hair and free-loving spirit. Don’t you?
Williams: I have no idea.
Drew: Shouldn’t Peerless Price really be named Peer Price?
Williams: Peerless is damn good.
Drew: Offensive line coach Jim McNally terrifies me. Look at this picture.
Does McNally ever wear a hooded cloak and start saying shit like, “It was I who allowed the Alliance to know the location of the shield generator. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of my best troops awaits them. Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive. HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!”?
Drew: Kyle, thanks for your time.
Williams: You’re welcome.
BONUS: 289 provides this stunning video of Marshawn Lynch's philosophical viewpoints. Kudos to you, 289. You are solid. And it don't get no better than solid.