Friday, August 17, 2007

Forget Madden, this is the game that will give your miserable life purpose

Oh noes, Namath's coming after Captain Caveman! Hit the "smug" button.



You know who got knocked the fuck out this week? Sav Rocca, that’s who. Rocca, former Aussie Rules dude, was playing his first NFL game when he got his dick knocked in the dirt by the Ravens' Antwan Barnes. Watch it again below.


Monday Morning Punter (surprise, surprise) thinks this was a bush-league play. I’m not convinced it was dirty, but even if it was-- we are talking about a punter here -- not an actual important player. Let the real players tee off on these guys with impugnity, I say.

Also this week, the Giants' Will Demps let us know he has better things to do than engage in casual orgies with NFL groupies. While this sounds noble, we suspect it’s only because he hasn’t met anyone like Fallujah Super8--the sports blogosphere’s most legendary groupie. NFL players get paid righteous bucks, thus insuring a pulchritudinous crop of groupies, but sports bloggers aren’t pulling down the same kind of scrilla. Nonetheless, Fallujah (we hear) will rock the socks off of a lucky blogger (or four). If she really exists. All we have to go on are stories.

Fallujah Super8 (think: not quite as nice as Paris--
not as well-cared for as a Hilton)

With that in mind, let’s check out this weekend’s nationally televised games:

  • Vikings at Jets 8:00 PM Fox (Yeah Joe Fucking Buck and Troy Aikman. If Buck is also calling the MLB game of the week tomorrow afternoon, you have our permission to pull a Rambo.)

  • Chargers at Rams 8:00 PM CBS (Showdown between the league's premier running backs. Except one of them isn’t playing. Nevermind.)

  • Giants at Ravens 8:00 PM NBC (Halftime feature: Jared Lorenzen will attempt to stuff an entire pot roast into his mouth.)

Before we cut you loose for the week, here are the weekly cheerleader pics. This is rapidly becoming an honored Friday tradition, much like sneaking out of work early and blowing the paycheck on black tar heroin. Let me be sure to give full credit Punter for choosing this first one.

C:\Documents and Settings\Vick-punchline.doc


Unless they hang on to their skirts, they may
suddenly fly off into the crowd.


Have a good weekend. Have some fun, but for god's sake, don’t end up like Uncle Kracker. Peace.

25 comments:

Big Daddy Drew said...

gar gar gar gar?

I see nothing in this post about the new Spoon album!

Unsilent Majority said...

"C:\Documents and Settings\Vick-punchline.doc"

that's good nerd humor

Becky said...

Uncle Kracker, thanks for keeping the D representin'. A-hole.

Peter McSheisty said...

We're sitting here talking about a punter, not a kicker, not a long snapper, not a 3rd string QB, but were talking about a punter. A punter.

JAMMQ said...

Monday Morning Punter has in the past two weeks written a post in support of Peter King, used the Colts in Madden, thought it a cheap shot to hit an opposing player who's not paying attention, and come up with a pic of dog in a skirt for the Friday cheerleader post.

I see a pattern here.

Please stop the gayness and start drinking whatever it was you were drinking at 10 a.m. again.

The KSK behemoth needs you. It's football time again, baby!

Thank God for flub, finding vicious Youtube hits and ripping into white trash cities all while racking up the billable hours.

Don't forget the unveiling of Tiki Barber on Football Night in America this Sunday. That should be ultra-gay.

BeaverFever said...

The picture of the greyhound dressed is disturbing yet I can't stop laughing at it.

Rob I said...

Jared Lorenzen will attempt to stuff an entire pot roast into his mouth

How many fantasy points is that worth?

Big Daddy Drew said...

rob i, it better be worth a lot. Schorno built her draft board based on it.

Rob I said...

I was pissed. I had him in the hole for my Round 17 pick!

JAMMQ said...

Kige Ramsey has Lorenzen rated as his top sleeper at the QB position.

So maybe she wasn't drafting like a girl after all.

*cough*

*cough*

Claude Balls said...

Helmet to helmet hit on a punter who is miles away from the play and is not looking? Where is the honor in that? Totally and unquestionably bush league.

Gorilla said...

Has anyone noticed that the first punt went over 80 yards---in the air?!?

JAMMQ said...

Helmet to helmet hit on a punter who is miles away from the play and is not looking? Where is the honor in that? Totally and unquestionably bush league.

Have you even ever played football?

First thing, second thing, third thing, and fourth thing you are taught when you start playing is to PAY ATTENTION ALL THE TIME!!!!

Players who fall asleep end up getting hurt, whether it be by an intentional hit from another player, or by unintentionally getting caught in a bad spot, players who fall asleep on the field get what they deserve.

(I've been watching Hard Knocks too much and Gunther Cunningham gets me all fired up.

My Hero Zero said...

Our cheerleaders almost negate the gayness of our starting QB!

-Bucs Fans

Callipygian said...

Helmet to helmet hit on a punter who is miles away from the play and is not looking? Where is the honor in that? Totally and unquestionably bush league.

I assume that you've either never played football, or you were a kicker.

If it's "bush league" to block the punter, then he shouldn't be running downfield toward the ball carrier. He should head straight to the sidelines. You know, like the Colts defense usually does.

PotsNPans said...

No one has commented on the fact that the announcer getting so upset about Rocca getting hit is none other than former pro bowler Ike Reese. He takes his special teams very seriously.

Don't Call Me Shirley said...

He hit him helmet to helmet, trying to hurt him in a damn preseason game. Totally bush league and pathetic. BTW, Rocca is a bad ass mother fucker. He hopped right up and was laughing on the sidelines. That little bitch Raven's player can't hold a candle to the massive Aussies who have hit Rocca with no pads at all. I bet Rocca is at home, fucking your mother right now. She baked him a casserole.

The Pirate Sloth said...

I just keep giggling about the Atari game cover and "construda to our homies" (except they forgot the 's'.

Makes me want to dust off the old Atari and play.

Jay Byers said...

"Helmet to helmet hit on a punter who is miles away from the play and is not looking? Where is the honor in that? Totally and unquestionably bush league."

Pah. First of all, Rocca clearly hit Barnes and/or dived into his helmet to elicit sympathy. Second of all, Rocca's Australian and thus is probably a convict, Barnes was simply protecting the Ravens' territorial interests. Third of all, the shirt is fucking itchy.

[Disclaimer - Not all Australians are indeed convicts. Just the ones involved in brewing XXXX or who insist it counts as beer.]

Callipygian said...

"That little bitch Raven's player can't hold a candle to the massive Aussies who have hit Rocca with no pads at all."

Dear Aussie Rules Football Fan,

How would you know how massive the Aussies are, and why would you want to hold your "candle" against them? Gay.

It's true. American football players often try to hit each other really, really hard. But that's not considered "cheap." In fact, it's encouraged. That's why they wear the pads.

And I assure you, punters are never, ever "bad ass mother fuckers." They're punters. On the social ladder, punters are about five rungs below place kickers, two rungs below the girl who holds the wires to the coach's headset, and 1,693 rungs above Eagles fans.

Pemulis said...

apropos of nada, i saw superbad this afternoon (i get half days at work on fridays in the summer)... it had more weiner jokes and gay jokes crammed into it than any ksk post ever... which of course means it was amazing.. i highly recommend.. if you dont want to spend 11 dollars on it (if youre in nyc) than go to ovguide.com or vid2c.com or one of them sites in the next few days and it will probably be up.

Peter Brown said...

The only thing wrong with the play was the helmet-to-helmet hit. The punter is a player on the field of play; he is therefore fair game. Also, the player is former Aussie Rules player, which means he's got bigger balls than any player in the history of the NFL.

Monty said...

Who's the announcer that can't contain his enjoyment of the hit? (I'm guessing he's old and white.) Towards the end of the clip he says, "Welcome to the National Football League... [a] little different from Aussie football." You don't say... they're two different sports!

Joe said...

Let's see how tough the Ravens are without helmets or pads. War Sav Rocca.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ugCw1UZ7ZjU

Bill said...

i don't mean to impugn this post, but you should drop the g - impunity is spelled without it homeboy