Thursday, August 2, 2007

KSK and Peter King Agree: Brady Quinn Is a Jackass

Recently, there's been much some ado about Brady Quinn's preposterous holdout, in which the draft's #22 pick has yet to report to training camp because he and agent Tom Condon feel that Quinn deserves top-ten money.

And I think we can all say in unison: Fuck Brady Quinn. I feel like carrying a claw hammer around in my bag so I can brutally murder people on the subway. I feel like my taste and judgment should be respected to the point where I could euthanize freely without prosecution. But guess what? The world isn't run by the way I feel about things, so the people who cut in line at clubs because they think they're fucking special get to enjoy another day without their skulls turned inside out.

And you know who's on board with me here? Our main man Peter King:

It isn't just the front office that's frustrated with Quinn. Players are usually business-will-be-business guys, but I got a sense a few of his teammates think Quinn is out of mind for not being in camp. And he shouldn't expect a welcome mat whenever he arrives...

Compounding the problem is that Quinn did an autograph show in Cleveland earlier this summer and charged $75 per autographed photo. Talk about rubbing the locals the wrong way. That, combined with this ill-advised holdout, led one Browns insider to tell me the team wouldn't be surprised when Quinn finally reported to training camp. There would probably be a segment of fans on hand that would boo him...

Bottom line: The Browns would love to serve up on a silver platter the quarterback job to this Ohio golden boy, but he's probably within two or three days of getting so far behind, it would be hard for him to catch up and earn the starting job before midseason.


And you know what that means, NFL fans? It means several more weeks of THE CHARLIE FRYE EXPERIENCE.


"Aw man, I'm gonna have to go back out there soon."

In other words, bookies are already scrambling to find new numbers large enough to set the spread in Browns games. Can they cover eleventy? Doubt it.

But hey, outside of that autograph signing thing and missing his chance to become the starter right away, Brady's at least a home-grown boy winning over the locals, right? Right?

Well, according to Cleveland native and longtime Browns fan Brian... no. Brian wrote us last weekend (July 27th, to be precise) to tell us of his encounter with Quinn (the veracity of which we of course cannot verify). But in the true spirit of Internet rumor-mongering, I include Brian's lengthy email in near-entirety below, partially because it sounds plausible, but at least partly because I felt we should reward the first person to ever send us an email that was free from rampant grammatical errors, misspellings, and incoherent thought.

Having just turned 21 in February, this summer has been my first real exposure to the Cleveland bar scene. In a word: not that sweet. Regardless, last weekend I was at a popular place in the Warehouse District called the Blind Pig. My friend and I were checking out the skirt population (which was not that sweet either) when out of the corner of my eye I notice a pretty big dude with beautiful brown locks.

"Holy shit," I tell my friend, "That's Brady Quinn"

I walk towards him, politely stick out my hand and say "You're Brady Quinn. Nice to meet you, man."

Brady: "Uhhh, I don't know what you're talking about."
Me: "Dude...you're Brady Quinn."
Brady (laughing awkwardly): "Oh yeah well, uh, I get that all the time."
Me: "Yeah, you get that all the time BECAUSE you're Brady Quinn."

Brady and his posse of Irish Catholic friends then walk away without saying another word. I don't have even the slightest inkling of a doubt that it was Brady and that he's a lying sack of 85 dollar per autograph signing piece of shit. My brother went to Notre Dame. My roommate is obsessed with the football team. I had been subject to more Brady Quinn stories/stats/info than I had ever desired, and that was BEFORE the Browns squandered a probable 2008 top-10 pick on him. The guy was about 6'4" and visibly jacked under a loose fitting navy, gold and white Adidas tshirt (ND colors; Adidas also sponsors the football team). It was him.

I said this at the time of the draft, and this anecdote only reinforces that belief: Brady Quinn belongs in Cleveland as much as Michael Vick belongs in an animal hospital. The guy is a snobby pretty boy asshole with no concern for his fans or the town. Joe Thomas? The guy who gutted a fucking trout on ESPN during the draft? He's a Cleveland Brown.


Also a Cleveland Brown? Charlie Frye. He exudes the quiet crappiness that the team and city have come to represent. Have fun this season, Cleveland.

(Thanks to reader Dan V. for the Photoshop.)

74 comments:

samsquantch said...

God what a tool this guy is. Taking career advice from Cade McNown is a recipe for success for sho'.

Uncle Ted said...

Lots of PK love this week. Am I on the right site?

devang said...

Brady Quinn was in a bar called the Blind Pig?

How appropriate? Fucking turd.

Oh, and expect a torrent of vitriol from Cleveland's #1 blogdouche

j_brock said...

I was unfortunately born a Browns fan. I have been living a miserable existence since the Earnest Byner days. That being said...fuck Brady Quinn...fuck him right in the ear. He's a pompous douche that doesn't deserve the cheers of the hardcore Cleveland fans. Tell my wife I love her. I'm jumping out my office window

BeaverFever said...

@devang, i hope you are wrong about that torrent of vitriol. hopefully, he only has a man crush on tim couch.

Unsilent Majority said...

That billboard isn't real?!?!


to be fair the autographs were for charity (although i'm sure condon took a slice off the top)

swing4 said...

Hold the phone... Captain Caveman stands in line at clubs?

Dale said...

UM... the only photoshopping I did to that picture is making the trees a little greener. I mean, I couldn't very well send in the picture with brown showing in the pine needles.

That would make Cleveland look bad.

Dan V

Burnsy said...

Feels like someone is Brady Quinning Peter King this week.

The Jay said...

The more I hear about how much of a D-bag this guy is, the happier I am that my Miami Dolphins passed on him to give a flyer to a Mormon rookie and the "ageless" Trent Green. We'll probably still only win 6-7 games, but at least we won't have a ball-grabbing assbut under center.

- The Jay

Pemulis said...

let's all be honest though. regardless of what an asshole he is, we'd all still love to get in his pants. except me of course. i like bears, not queens.

Franklin said...

Keep Holding out Brady....The Cowboys thank you for Brian Brohm

Slash said...

Football-specific insight aside (because I have none), "reality" TV and parental misinformation have led people to believe that they're special just because they think they are. In a world where most college graduates would be happy to get a shitty salaried job, Quinn is holding out because whatever he's getting isn't good enough and he should get more because he thinks he should? I'm gonna try that one on my boss. I deserve 20K more a year just because. I have an advantage over Quinn, though, in that I'm 41 and have almost 9 years at my job. Maybe I should call the Browns and tell them I'll be QB for half of what Quinn would be making. I can guarantee I'll at least show up.

Peter McSheisty said...

When you say In a word: arent you supposed to follow that with a single word, not a phrase. That seems like some form of a grammatical error.

Otto Man said...

"How would I describe myself?"

"Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammer…merciless…insatiable… "

grungedave said...

Hey, BDD, any chance you take back the "I hope Quinn is a success cause I'd hate to feel responsible" bit from a couple weeks ago?

Wow... I'm so ready for this guy to get the David Carr treatment from opposing defenses!

Slash said...

I love how the stories are using the word "frustrated." Is that corporatespeak for "Is he fucking kidding?"

Do we still hate on Peter King or does he get a brief reprieve? I'm kinda confused about that now.

Zodiac said...

Buffalo went through this same ordeal with Mcghee. I saw the guy out at a bar and greeted him, welcoming him to our humble city, the dude looks at me and says "I won't be here long..."

This is the guy the Bills gambled on and pretty much saved his carear. Nice.

Good to see other teams having to suffer with assholes like this.

feep said...

Peter McSheisty: It was not a grammatical error, just a mathematical error. They never claimed it was free of those.

Raskolnikov said...

Brady Quinn belongs in Cleveland as much as Michael Vick belongs in an animal hospital.

Joe Thomas? The guy who gutted a fucking trout on ESPN during the draft? He's a Cleveland Brown.


Tom Brady is a de facto New York Jet.

JTExperience said...

That photoshop is bitchin'.

wrecking_ball said...

I didn't mean to offend gay people, only Kellen Winslow and Brady Quinn.

McLea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
McLea said...

I like how Brady Quinn is a dick for not wanting to talk to some random dude who correctly identified him.

Way to go buddy, you know who Brady Quinn is. That doesn't mean he has to talk to you. Why don't you show a little respect and leave him the fuck alone.

Wormfather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BeaverFever said...

Clint ?

Wormfather said...

The world isn't run by the way I feel about things

You know, PK's not the only one your side, Ayn Rand would be proud.

What? Dont know what I'm talking about? Read Atlas Shrugged. Fastest 1,178 pages you'll ever read.

PeteJayhawk said...

Ayn Rand fucking blows. Most overrated author ever.

Otto Man said...

Save yourself the time and agony by reading the abridged Atlas Shrugged instead.

WI Browns Fan said...

Browns fan Brian hits it right on the head re: Joe Thomas; JT could run for Jesus in Cleveland and win by a landslide.

No doubt Quinn will get a bunch of crap once he finally reports, but all will be forgiven if he shows any signs of talent. And really, with Charlie Frye and Derek Anderson as the yardsticks...how could he not be talented by comparison?

Peter McSheisty said...

@ mclea

Yeah, he was so disrespectful and rude by extending his hand and saying it was nice to meet him. When people do that to me, I know I feel like spitting in their eye and calling their girlfriend fat.

Michael Beckwith said...

I don't know what's going to be worse this season...seeing Charlie Frye starting at QB again, or those goddamn Frye Guys sitting in the front row of every game again.

FYI to you non-Browns fans: they are the two zany-lame 40-somethings that dress up like a pair of orders of fries from McDonald's with Browns hard hats.

samsquantch said...

I agree that just because the guy was drunk and didn't want to be hassled in a bar does not make him a total ass. But the hold out and the reason for it does.

How can these agents hold guys out? Particularly qb's when the history is there (Akili Smith for example)and it shows that when a qb holds out it seriously messes up their ability to progress as professionals. Which damages future earning potential, which hurts the agent's bottom line. Makes no friggin sense.

j_brock said...

Comparing Quinn to Akili Smith... Now I'm really gonna jump out of my office window. And to think I was excited a couple months ago!

Kyle said...

mclea's comment makes my sad for society. Trying to shake someone's hand is disrespectful. It's not as if the guy was asking for autographs, trying to hang out with him or get a photo. He tried to SHAKE HIS HAND.

Brian said...

There's only one way to tell if it was truly Brady Quinn? Do he shoot any faggity whiteboy gang signs at any point in the exchange?

TheNaturalMevs said...

I like how Brady Quinn is a dick for not wanting to talk to some random dude who correctly identified him.

Way to go buddy, you know who Brady Quinn is. That doesn't mean he has to talk to you. Why don't you show a little respect and leave him the fuck alone.


True.

If this happened to me 50 times daily, especially when I wanted to cut loose and have some beers, I think I'd be the same way as Brady. Of course, none of the bloggers/commenters here would understand that b/c a. they're not famous for anything, and b. the commenters piggy-back off whatever take the blog has. God forbid someone here reads a post and says "wait, that's kind of off a bit."

In rebuttal to future responses to my comment, fuck off larry(s).

Peter McSheisty said...

When you extended your hand, did he put his crotch next to it and then reach for your testicles?

Rick Muscles said...

I bet Ron Powlus's career will be more impressive that Brady's.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Hey, BDD, any chance you take back the "I hope Quinn is a success cause I'd hate to feel responsible" bit from a couple weeks ago?

That's a distinct possiblity. Then again, he's given us so much to work with...

K-Rock said...

i think the kid was too nice to brady. that douche is ruining your football team. tell him to fist himself. the only pro athlete ive seen out like that was when i saw paul pierce at a rap show and i knifed him. you gotta keep these guys grounded

Peter McSheisty said...

thenaturalmevs is the same guy who berated everyone here for not doing a tribute to VT after the shootings. Funny how he has such disdain for KSK and continues to come back over and over again. He obviously just holds out for the next round of "Gay Brady Quinn" pics so he can jerk off to them.

BeaverFever said...

I remember Tim Green saying that football players hands take a beating during the season and often don't shake hands with people because their hands hurt too much. What was Quinn's excuse ? I guess the bottom line is if you approach these guys be ready for them to treat you like dirt or maybe you'll get lucky and actually don't be a dick.

BeaverFever said...

that should read "and they won't be a dick.

The Last Unitard said...

Besides, you don't know whose cock that hand has been holding.

Anyway, fuck Quinn. There's only room for one homosexual quarterback in my heart, and that's [name redacted].

Biggus Rickus said...

As a general misanthrope I don't blame him for not shaking some stranger's hand. Hell, I don't even blame him for the hype machine that led to his overrated status entering the draft. I do blame him for looking like a douchebag and holding out though. Once upon a time I rooted for the Browns against another douchebag (though a vastly more talented one). Where have you gone Bernie Kosar? Who's left to inspire unathletic white kids?

3000 said...

Dan V. strikes again! Well done.

(Pssst, KSK brass...keep duder in mind for your future apparel designs.)

Brian said...

Just cause you can throw a football kind of where you want to and a lot of people recognize you doesn't give you license to be a cocksucker to the general public.

Well, unless you're a cocksucker to begin with, then I guess you're just being true to yourself.

whowillsexmutombo? said...

So, the Blind Pig is a trendy gay bar / glory hole in Cleveland then?

whowillsexmutombo? said...

Oh, and allow me to also add to the anti-thenaturalmevs sentiment by pointing out that a quick google image search should yield plenty of photos of sweaty athletes to look at. You don't have to read a blog you don't like in order to get off at work. Or DO you?

K-Rock said...

i wish rae carruth was dating brady quinn's mother when she was pregnant with him. he's such a cocksucker

SlickBomb said...

Guys,

The NFL contract system sucks. Holdouts happen in all sports, but you feel it most in football because these guys can contribute right away.

If teams like the Jetsd can completely res-structure their starting QB's salary, than Quinn can hold out for as long as he wants. His teammates know the drill.

Kyle said...

Well I'm not famous so I can have no opinion on someone who is. I'm also not a politician so I had best stop having opinions on policy. Thank you wise "thenaturalmevs" for showing me the error of my ways!

*returns to Internet porn, eating Duncan Hines straight from the can and doing whatever other stereotype thing bloggers do. Oh, did I mention I live in my parents' basement?*

Dale said...

Actually, I've been to the Blind Pig and I do like that bar, it's one of the more tolerable bars in the Cleve, t least upstairs.

It does, however, have a basement that's dimly lit, packed to the brim (mostly with guys), very hot/humid, and has music blaring. If I were a gay quaterback, I'd probably find myself at Gropefest 07 in the basement of the Blind Pig.

coolbreeze said...

Don't jump J Brock. You obviously know as well as I do the torture we go through every season, and the painful excitemnet we have during the off season. But still...a winning season is always just around the corner. In the words of Michael Corleone: We'll get there, Pop -- we'll get there...

TheNaturalMevs said...

poop.

Jordan Ginsberg said...

I think it's reasonable to sympathize with athletes and celebrities to an extent when it comes to not wanting to deal with throngs of fans/whatever when they're in public. That would get tiring for anybody, whether it "comes with the territory" or not.

HOWEVA. Brady Quinn is twenty-fucking-one and is being brought into a decimated football city to hopefully be something resembling a franchise player, and for someone in his position to be a dick to potential fans before he's played a single game, let alone signed a goddamn contract, that's why this is a bullshit move. He should be thrilled that people want to shake his hand right now. Aren't people supposed to actually establish themselves in some respect before becoming prima donnas?

j_brock said...

Right on Jordan.

@coolbreeze-I guess if I survived that playoff loss to the Steelers, I can get through this...

Wormfather said...

@PeteJayhawk

Dont you go talking shit about Ms. Rand, some of us happen to like her work and belive that objectivisim is a noble concept that should be practiced more often.

/served

TheNaturalMevs said...

KSK & comment coiters:

No more ripping on Brady Quinn. Period.

James said...

Speaking of jackasses, the guy who got taken #23 by the Chiefs (never bothered to know his name) is holding out and won't sign until Quinn does.

Because if/when Cleveland pays Quinn more than the average #22 pick, that asshole is going to shoot for a little less, since he was only one pick behind.

Literally and figuratively Brady's fuckin everyone's shit up.

ColeTrain said...

Caveman to Peter King:

Fuck me like you own me.

Brian said...

Brady must have let TheNaturalMevs go under the bra last night.

Slash said...

I understand negotiating, but wasn't the draft, like, 3 months ago? How has he gotten more valuable between then and now? Just seems like a douchey, prima donna thing to do before he's really proven he has a right to act like a prima donna. I know he was the shit at Notre Dame, but so what? I have no particular sympathy for team owners, so normally I'd be inclined to tell someone to hold out for whatever they could get, but it just seems like a guy who has yet to play a single minute of pro ball doesn't have that much to bargain with.

RE Rand: Anthem is pretty good, and it's a mere 140-some pages.

Haverchuck said...

@wormfather:

Yeah, usually college freshmen who are excited to find out there's a philosophy that validates acting like an asshole.

Kyle said...

thenaturalmevs left quite the comment in my crappy blog:

"WHO IN THE FUCK ARE YOU? NOTHING BUT A SHIT-STAIN IN MY UNDIES. TALK SHIT WHEN YOU'VE GOT SOME PUBES IN YOUR PANTS."

Rick Muscles said...

i don't know about ya'll but i'd like to see an overwhelmed and unprepared Joe Thomas play left tackle for Brady on opening day. Get to camp Brady.

Mike said...

I guess Brady didn't realize that the average Clevelander makes only $50 a week.

Robocats said...

@haverchuck

Bingo. That is the credited response.

Libertariot said...

Like the fans much, Quinn? Man, what a douchebag.

From the other side of town said...

BFD, so he didn't shake your hand. Go drink more beer and learn that the best fans are those that know how to give the knowing nod of acknowledgement. Besides, wear a skirt if you want to fawn all over him.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Just a few thoughts...

1) I'm glad BJQ is not on my team, so he can hold out as long as he wants. Keep it classy jackass.

2) I didn't know trying to shake a man's hand was considered fawning over him. Being from NYC, we see celebs all the time so it's easy to not be star-struck. But I've shaken a few celeb hands without sweating them and asking for autographs, photos, etc. They've been cool and I've been respectful. BJQ seems to think he's special and hasn't proven that he's better than Heath Shuler yet.

3) thenaturalmevs (Clint)- do us all a favor and stop coming to this site if you don't like what you're reading.

4) That photshopped picture was great. I can almost feel Browns' fans pain.

Walklett said...

I would probably lay some money on an eleventy point spread.

jujubee9875 said...

He should be happy he's wearing an orange helmut. Browns fans are the best fans around. I didn't like Brady from day one. He's a spoiled,full of himself asshole. I have pretty much most of the teams autographs and I got them for free. I don't know who this guy thinks he is, but we really don't need someone like this on our team. If he ends up doing good, then great. I'll never say Go Brady or buy one of his jerseys though.