An arbitrary number of fast facts about the Houston Texans:
Amobi Okoye’s cells have the highest concentration of midi-chlorians that I have ever seen in a life form.
- Mario Williams: still a dumb pick.
Keenan McCardell returned home to Houston for his 16th NFL season to back up Andre Johnson and Jacoby Jones (who is not, as his name implies, a haberdasher). McCardell has over 10,000 career receiving yards and 62 touchdowns. Accordingly, we expect members of the Art Monk Yakuza to support McCardell’s Hall of Fame candidacy once he retires.
The Texans devoted much of their offseason to strengthening their shitty, shitty pass defense. With a little luck and a lot of hard work, they hope to improve to merely 'shitty' this season.
The backfield committee of Ahman Green, Samkon Gado and Wali Lundy will insure continued brisk sales of Earl Campbell throwback jerseys.
Gary Kubiak has come a long way since his days of terrorizing Parker Lewis and the rest of Santo Domingo High. [Update: I may have him confused Larry "Kube" Kubiac, sorry.]
The Texans have been the punchline to the league’s non-Browns related jokes about futility for years now. But with Schaub in control of the offense, we think this is the season they begin their transformation from laughingstock to respecting stock. Even if they don’t, Texan fans can at least celebrate finally being rid of David Carr…
Are you ever too old to shotgun a beer? This guy doesn’t think so.