Friday, March 7, 2008

Your Friday Afternoon Cheers And Jeers


CHEERS to Vietnamese for lunch right before the weekend. That is some good shit, pho sho.

JEERS to not giving me extra peanut sauce with my summer roll. I could drink a 2-liter bottle of peanut sauce. Crushed peanuts are like Viet Cong sprinkles.

CHEERS to March Madness being right around the corner.

JEERS to March Madness not being here right now. It’s March. Let’s get to the bracketeering right NOW, god dammit. I don’t need a Conference USA tournament to know if you belong.

CHEERS to us for making sure this year that we don’t enter into stupid bets that allow other people to take over our site for a day.

JEERS to letting it ever happen to begin with.

CHEERS to Ufford for taking a well-deserved break in the Dominican Republic. Although, I once heard a story about a girl who went down to the DR and had a steamy affair with a native man there. He gave her a box for her to open on the plane ride home. And when she opened it, there was a small coffin in it. And in that coffin was a note that said, “Welcome to the living dead. I have AIDS.” That’s a true story. It’s called “How Stella Got Her Lesions Back”. Have fun, Matt!

JEERS to AIDS.

CHEERS to the Desert Eagle. Now there’s a gun made for strokin’!

JEERS to me for not buying one when I was out in Vegas. Think of all the people I could have taken out! Did you know Jimmy Fallon is favored to replace Conan O’Brien next year? A .50 caliber bullet would go right through him and could possibly also take out one of his fans, who I assume looks something like Avril Lavigne. I’m such a fool!

CHEERS to Dolphins cheerleaders. Did you know they’re mammals? And that they can communicate using sound vibrations? Just go up to one and say ECKYECKYECKYEEEEEEEEKKKK!!! You’re be on Pleasure Island in no time.



Have a good weekend, people.

34 comments:

Otto Man said...

It’s called “How Stella Got Her Lesions Back”.

I always preferred "How Stella Got Her Tube Packed."

If you haven't seen it, it's by the same director of "Shaving Ryan's Privates." I think they filmed them on the same day.

Marmatard said...

Just go up to one and say ECKYECKYECKYEEEEEEEEKKKK!!! You’re be on Pleasure Island in no time.

Yes. This is what I'll bust out at the bars tomorrow night.

Half Quart Shot said...

sooo...are you contributor A or commenter B?

quiet strength said...

So that's what happened to Natalee Holloway...

rusrus said...

Jimmy fucking Fallon?

Illegal Immigrant said...

Cheers to my new puppy Hendrix

Jeers to turd he left on the foot of my bed

Cheers to I can't get mad at him cause he's so damned cute!

Jeers to me being such a pussy

smurphette said...

@illegal immigrant: Only real men will admit that puppies are insanely cute. What kind of puppy is it?

CHEERS to no votes in the House today & wearing jeans to work.

JEERS to me being one of the only suckers left in the office.

camcam said...

Cheers to drew's chili recipe, jeers to drew's HUAC recipe.
/2 months late

Smello said...

Otto - I have this poster of the great porn titles that mock mainstream movie titles. Shaving Ryan's Privates is on there, but my fav was always Clitty, Clitty, Gang Bang.

oh and...

CHEERS to this day/week almost being OVER.

JEERS to the 2-3 inches of rain we're supposed get in the next 24 hours.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

Cheers - to the giant(for us anyways) fucking snow storm about to bury Nashville.

Jeers - to the giant fucking snow storm. I had reservations at Morton's tonight.

quiet strength said...

JEERS to Congress.

Smurphette, you're from Indiana right? Do you have any idea if Andre Carson as big of a fucknut as he seems? I can't believe I'm voting republican next week...

futuremrsrickankiel said...

CHEERS to the Pats for re-signing Randy Moss!

JEERS to the loss of Colvin and Samuel. Our D was questionable enough this season. Samuel in particular is a huge loss.

Oh, and a preemptive JEERS to all of you for the Masshole haterade I know is coming my way :)

My Insignificant Life said...

Jeers to my original post not going up and getting lost

Cheers to me enjoying my 2nd Heinken of the afternoon

Pemulis said...

CHEERS to the job interview I just had.

JEERS to my current job, which blows.

CHEERS to Grand Central Terminal, for selling me train beers.

JEERS to my current job, which is driving me to drink more train beers than usual.

dickey simpkins said...

Cheers to the worst sports stretch of the year being over(summer doesn't count because it's too fucking humid to care about things).

Jeers to emoticons, American Idol(thank God that shitbawx Noriega is gone), and the fact that my parents chose to watch Celebrity fucking Apprentice over Lost :(

Oil Can Boyd said...

Cheers to pictures of Dolphins cheerleaders and thoughts of Jessica Simpsons fat tasty rack.

Jeers to touching myself and going blind. (my vision is shit so that old tale must be true)

smurphette said...

@quiet strength: You are correct in all your inferences - I am from Indiana and Carson is probably an asshat. His grandmother's office was a clusterfuck and Andre's is unlikely to be better. But may I suggest absteining rather than voting Republican?

Democratic majority = increased job security for smurphette

James said...

CHEERS to How Stella got her Groove Back action figures

JEERS to E! for buying all the good seasons of SNL and never fucking showing them

Otto Man said...

Smello for the win!

Rally Monkey Spanker said...

Cheers to the Giants for saving us from listening to every Pat fan rave about 19-0 and instead serving them all a nice heaping steaming 7 course meal of shut the fuck up you 18-1 losers.

Jeers to to the Pats for keeping the core of their team intact and will probably be 18-0 going into SB XLIII.

Cheers to the Red Sox and Mets, baseball season just around the corner and 6-7 months of Yankee hating.

Jeers to the Yankees, just because.

Gern said...

How about, "Charlie's Wonka in your chocolate factory". That's a classic.

devang said...

Best porn movie title: Indy Anal Jones and the Temple of Poon.

Jeers to me for sending this from my Blackberry.

El Duke said...

Jimmy Fallon? Shouldn't they replace Conan with someone who's actually funny? Norm MacDonald is still alive isn't he?

@devang: at least you're not a coach's lawyer getting baited into an e-mail war on you iphone

Oh and cheers to the first day of the week that I haven't seen a Brett Favre die...retired story.

Jeers to anybody who thinks Tina Fey is hot.

--posted from my T-Mobile Sidekick

Pepster said...

Cheers to me for being late in this comment because I flew to the Bahamas and landed at 9:00 a.m. and have been drinking ever since.

Jeers to ... well, nothing right now.

Big Daddy Drew said...

My House Unamerican Activities Committee recipe?

Jackin'4Beats said...

CHEERS to Samuel Adams White Ale - I can almost taste the spring coming.

JEERS to those bahstahds from Bahstan calling wheat beer WHITE ALE. Just can't ret der lacism go can yer?

Jackin'4Beats said...

Nearly forgot. BIG UPS and CHEERS to Ufford for posting that photo of Keli Anderson on WL yesterday. SMOKIN' sssssssssssssssst.

devang said...

@j4b

White Ale is indeed the shit. Although I had the granddaddy of the Belgian Whites (all 3 Chimays) yesterday. Oomeggang makes prety good Belgian white as well. BTW, if you live in NYC, there's a Belgian beer tasting at some bar on 59th on Thursday April 10th. Can't go due to work, but just thought I'd live vicariously through one of you motherfuckers.

Oh yeah, F-Bahston.

camcam said...

JEERS to my iPhone automatically changing the spelling of words

Also JEERS to me for not noticing it

J said...

CHEERS to midterms being over and being on spring break

JEERS to there being such a thing as midterms

quiet strength said...

@smurphette - I never understood why people were so high on Julia Carson. Impressive life, but she didn't seem to actually do anything while she was in office.

Andre Carson will almost certainly win tomorrow. I may still vote for him just to keep the Dem majority for when Obama wins in Nov. Even if he's an idiot with absolutely no understanding of policy and only on the ballot because of his grandmother's name...sigh...

smurphette said...

@quiet strength: There is a glimmer of hope - it's much more important that his staffers have a grasp of policy that for him to have it, so the ship hasn't sailed quite yet. Keep your fingers crossed that he hires at least a few capable and experienced people (I swear they do exist here) rather than Julia's cronies. Her office's futility is well-known inside the Beltway.

quiet strength said...

So you mean policy decisions in Congress aren't made based on the readings of a paper fortune teller?

smurphette said...

Only sometimes.