Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Molested by Jack Hanna Regional 1st Round: No. 1 Lion vs. No. 8 Ram. WHO YA GOT?















The second of our opening round contests pits the mascots of two beleaguered NFC franchises against one another. Only this time, the Lion is heavily favored to win for once.

As usual, the voting is open for a day and can be found on the sidebar to the right. Voting is closed for this contest. The Lion won with 86 percent of the vote.



Contestants

Lion______________Ram

Does their name describe their principal action?

Not really___________Most certainly

Setbacks

Not a fuck lion_________Having to listen to corny ewe jokes

Corporate sponsor

MGM______Dodge

Confused with

I don't know -- maybe some other regal animal you were thinking of___Random access memory

Bragging rights

King of rapidly depleting jungle_____Uncastrated, you bitch-ass sheep!

Down with the Jews?

Only the black ones________Only their horns (the ram's, not the Jew's)

Finishing move

Eating anyone who sings "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"__Killing anyone who says "Don't wanna butt heads over this."

21 comments:

smurphette said...

Uncastrated, you bitch-ass sheep!

Don't talk shit, ram, you never know when you might run into Grey Ruegamer.

Animal Mother said...

If this were Detroit vs. St. Louis they'd both gag to death on their own vomit. After they both shit the bed, of course.

the great bambi said...

what do you mean their name doesn't describe their principal action? they're always lion around, ZING

/shows self out

Les Savy Ferd said...

for some reason i still associate the rams with Kurt Warner. we are so close to a Kurt and Kitna here.

Yak said...

I gotsta agree with bambi, one of the cool things about lions is that they sleep something like 20 hours a day. The other 4 hours are for killin'.

Colts and Hoosiers Fan said...

You can get past a dog, but no one fucks with a lion.

the great bambi said...

if you can dodge a lion, you can dodge a dog

quiet strength said...

I have to weigh in here with a serious comment. This one has some upset potential. Lions are used to being able to hide in the tall grass, then sneak up on prey from behind while rams run straight at you head first. In a closed pentagon, a ram would have the advantage.

/still voting lion

Dale said...

If you can dodge a lion, you're probably an average quality NFL RB.

Upstate Underdog said...

It looks like that lion just gave oral to a menstruating female lion.

the great bambi said...

@ quiet

the female lioness is used to hiding in the tall grass, they do all the hunting, but as the kill kill kill has shown, a lion will chase down whomever fucks with his kill and snap their fucking legs off...advantage lion

Hank Wackman said...

@ QuietStrength

Yes, but don't forget, lions have the experience in the ring. In Roman times fighting in the coliseum, and more recently, decimating the Cambodian Midget Fighting League.

digitaldan21 said...

Gotta go Rams here. The NFL Lions have sucked so hard for so long, they have adversly effected the self esteem of all actual lions.

TurleyGirlie said...

Hmmm...this is a tough one. Is Matt Millen in the lion's corner?

If so, I may have to vote Ram.

J said...

I'm taking Lion here because Scar in the Lion King was a real badass who got the short end of the stick...

dick_gozinia said...

Marques Slocum says "Man fuck dat spider!"

@ yak - You need 20 hours of rest when the other 4 are for murder.

DigitalDan, I like your "matt millen has fucked the detroit lions so bad that all lions are now slightly weaker" logic. But even if we're talking about 75% effective lion vs. 100% ram....

/votes lion \m/

Zac said...

This is an unfortunate seeding for Ram, who might actually come off less helpless anywhere else. But come on, look at that picture of Lion.

I vote bloodthirsty animal.

quiet strength said...

Wow...Cambodia rocks.

Anyways I was just envisioning the possibility of a ram cornering the lion and pummeling it kamikaze style. That would be one badass upset. Still, the lion would probably win.

the great bambi said...

everything the light touches is our kingdom...lion wins

Man Bear Pig said...

Wait! I can't go to the lions! I CAN NOT go to the lions! Because I know for a FACT that lions only eat Christians! And I am a Jew! Jewish person!


/Having a great corkscrew

Otto Man said...

@mbp

"Boy, when you die at the palace, you really die at the palace."