Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Favre Found to Be Female; Will Never Be Successful Sports Blogger Now


In a shocking development, wingnut batshit yapcunt radio host Laura Ingraham has revealed to the world that once-revered Green Bay Packers quarterback is, in actuality, a woman, by dint of his her propensity to get all blubbery and weepy like a little bitch with a skinned knee at his her retirement press conference.

While it is uncertain how this may affect Favre's post-football life - she may have to start endorsing female Viagra in lieu of the regular version, and she may begin to stupidly look for misogynistic notes in every single fucking movie even where they don't exist - this much is certain: she won't be doing any sports blogging.


"You know, we were really hoping to bring Favre in to do chronicle his wacky exploits in the NBA D-League. But now that I found out that he, or, uh, she is a woman, like, what's the point? Do women use computers? Eh, it's a market we can do without. I will also be scrapping the Arial font "Gunslinger" T-shirts on Mister Irrelevant."
-Jamie Mottram, Yahoo!

"We suppose there is still a population segment that finds some resonance in the homespun values and devil-may-care antics of Favre. Besides, God knows we need someone to write another Closer. Given our history of rooting for teams after they change cities, it follows that we should do the same for athletes after they change gender. But no. Fandom doesn't have to make sense."
-Will Leitch, Deadspin

"Is she available for a photo shoot?"
-Brooks, SportsbyBrooks

"Hey commenters: Tell us how to spin this."
-The Big Lead

"Well, Miss Gossip is already a managing editor for our site, so I'm not sure what you mean when you say there are no prominent female sports bloggers."
-John Ness, Fanhouse

21 comments:

the great bambi said...

"We let them take over our blog for one day and it was worse than the Holocaust, pogroms, and 'Win Ben Stein's Money' combined...and I'm Jewish!"
-Unsilent Majority, Kissing Suzy Kolber

Otto Man said...

First a box of Kleenex, now a crying chick.

You're just a Whitman's sampler away from becoming Lifetime: Television for Idiots.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

@otto man: MY STORY IS ON LIFETIME!

/menstruates or something

quiet strength said...

So when Hillary fake cried, does that mean she was a fake woman?

the great bambi said...

@ futuremrs.

do i even want to know what the "or something" might be?

smurphette said...

One blog, however, seems to be supporting Ms. Favre in her difficult time. Kissing Suzy Kolber, an NFL site, has entered into a bet with the former QB on the 2008 NCAA men's basketball tournament. If Favre wins, she gets to post on the site for a day.

TheStarterWife said...

Can't believe my blog is mentioned in the same breathe as bitches at Radar. (The same ones who asked Leitch "football for ladies" and assumed all female sports fans wear Birkenstocks and have bowl cuts.

Monday Morning Punter said...

Can't believe my blog is mentioned...

Neither can I.

Pemulis said...

cat fight!

JAMMQ said...

Mottram is much more articulate than that when he's saying nothing that would offend anyone in the least bit.

Fucking guy, why does he have to be so . . . nice. Douches.

JAMMQ said...

Him and Leitch.

El Duke said...

@thestarterwife

Wait, they don't all have bowl cuts and wear Birkenstocks? Man, WNBA games sure have changed since the last time the Monarchs gave me free tickets.

J said...

that explains the last INT he threw, only a girl would throw like that

/hates Wisconsin

TheStarterWife said...

Pemulis - MMP has every reason to be mad at me. No reason for a fight.

Rally Monkey Spanker said...

You guys are going to make people think female reporters like Suzyn Waldman cannot be taken seriously.

James said...

wow, I had that book when I was a kid, but don't remember the cover being that terrifying.

it's no wonder I hate women. goddam sexist bears.

Holly said...

"We let them take over our blog for one day and it was worse than the Holocaust, pogroms, and 'Win Ben Stein's Money' combined...and I'm Jewish!"

Keep in mind that this could've been avoided if any one of them had picked a better bracket than me.

Otto Man said...

@otto man: MY STORY IS ON LIFETIME!

In that case, I am very sorry to hear that you were raped, molested and/or a Title IX athlete.

Seriously, can anyone explain why the so-called "network for women" has nothing but movies in which women get the everloving shit beat out of them?

It's like watching COPS with slightly better production values.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Farve won't make half the converted man-woman that Denny Green would make. Everyone knows a big fat fucking sassy black man-woman would be way better than a weepy Mississippi trailer queen. Just look at Cedric the Entertainer in a dress. Disagree? Douchebag!

-BDD, KSK

/sucking dry CC's man-woman joke teet

twoeightnine said...

Seriously, can anyone explain why the so-called "network for women" has nothing but movies in which women get the everloving shit beat out of them?

It's like how Playgirl is aimed at women...

dick_gozinia said...

Peter King is veeeeeery angry with Laura Ingraham.