Thursday, March 6, 2008

Hines Ward Reviews "The Fortune Cookie Chronicles"


Foll numbell one week of Malch, I wark thlew Balnes and Noberr to find Koleean newspapels foll photos of me in inaugulation and stumberr upon histolee book of Chinese food by New York Times reportell Jennifell 8. Rhee.

Yes, reportell midder name is numberr eight, rike numberr eight egg drop soup, so she perfect foll write book. Numberr eight supposed to mean plospellity in Chinese but where I come flom it mean Tommy Maddox. No smirre, asswhore.

Book give intellesting fact rike fortune cookie acterry come from Japan. Japan think of evleething, rike massive lape of Chinese and Koleean peeperr. How they do it?

Book arso say is more Chinese food prace than McDonarrd, Bulgel Kings, and Kentucky Flied Chicken combined in United State. How can be? I go thlough Pittsbulgh and and peeper onree eat sausage and chicken gristerr. I think book terr big rye on that one.

But why onree Chinese though? Koleean food no impoltant? I make kim chi make you smirre foll week and week. Made kim chi othel day and chalge Ben Rongrastname $18 mirrion dorrars foll it. And he pay! So sterrpid.

In concrusion, "Fortune Cookie Chlonicre" in rittle fantastic, not really supel. Have to leed second book after 30 minute. Can onree give Miss. Eight shree smirre.

23 comments:

The Pirate Sloth said...

not "a rittle bit lacist" but full on "lacist" tag.

Nice

I'm in a Frat said...

Shree Smirre is still pretty damn good. That's what Comcast cable gives Goldeneye.

Leaking Geek said...

Kim Chi arso give Ben Rongrastname luns arr thrr day rrong. Make me smirre more than Bluce Ree acting skirrs in Gleen Holnet.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

I know what I am getting for lunch. Egg drop soup here I come.

KC Cal said...

Wow, a Tommy Maddox reference. That was a blast from the past.

devin hester's speech coach said...

OK, I'll say it, what the fuck is up with having the #8 as your middle name?

Pepster said...

Thanks for the Tommy Maddox reference, although everytime I want to bring him up in conversation, I preface it with the phrase ... "Reigning XFL MVP, Tommy Maddox".

Marmatard said...

I make kim chi make you smirre foll week and week. Made kim chi othel day and chalge Ben Rongrastname $18 mirrion dorrars foll it. And he pay! So sterrpid. This quote make malmatald smirre and raff.

hi there mary said...

if you put "RONGRASTNAME" on the back of Ben's jersey, I don't think anybody would notice.

Otto Man said...

OK, I'll say it, what the fuck is up with having the #8 as your middle name?

Like it says in the post, it means plospellity.

The real irony here is that Jennifer 8. Lee wrote an article for the New York Times a while back about how a minor trend where some parents were naming their kids Nevaeh (Heaven spelled backwards).

"Hey, what's with the goofy name? Kids deserve good names like π!"

devang said...

Japan think of evleething, rike massive lape of Chinese and Koleean peeperr. How they do it?

Methinks there's a Rape of Nanking reference in there somewhere.

Jim U. said...

I'm still trying to decide if "asswhore" means "asshole" or actually "asswhore."

Rally Monkey Spanker said...

Her parents had to name her 8, 7 was already taken.

And wouldn't Hines plonownce it as nuhmba rate?

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Guhh I've been all over the Internets and I can't find the sound clip I'm looking for... but you know which one I'm talking about: that "song" Barney makes with his "Japanese conceptual artist" girlfriend in the barbershop quartet episode that's just him burping and her saying "numbah eight" over and over.

Sorry. It's the best I can do.

The Assman said...

Revolution 8!

http://number8belch.ytmnd.com/

smurphette said...

Golden, as always. I cannot get enough of that picture combined with all your talk of smirres. Does that make me a rittre lacist? I don't care.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

THANK YOU for finding that clip!

Smurphette, I'm sure Hines would be pleased to know that his smirre brings you such joy, regardless of what context that joy comes in.

Of course, we could always respond with an indignant, "Jeez, Ape, that's just... long."

But I'm sure he gets that enough as it is.

the great bambi said...

for that comment futuremrs., christmas ape give you a hundled smirre

devin hester's speech coach said...

Wouldn't be "clistmas ape give you a hundled smirre"?

Pepster said...

Going back to the barbershop quartet episode. You know how you always have that one song that gets stuck in your head for days. For me, that song is "Baby on Board".

When in law school, while sitting at my desk waiting for my very first final, my buddy Alex looks at me right before beginning the exam and says, "Hey Pepe ... baby on board". I was humming that darn song the entire final. I still don't remember how I did on that final.

Plus, now I'll be singing all night while out drinking.

Thanks!

smurphette said...

@fmra: You know what they say about really funny guys . . .

/winks for unnecessary emphasis

drozz said...

in the spirit of our favorite oriental:

http://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=excellency-seat.jpg&category=CHINGLISH&date=2007-12-31

Punch Rockgroin said...

The number four means nothing to me but the number four means death to Chinese.