Friday, March 21, 2008

Yapcunt Regional: No. 4 Steeler versus No. 5 Bill -- WHO DO YOU HAVE AS MORE MACHO?

Before Pittsburgh became an outpost of urban blight on the edge of Appalachia, it was a bustling steel town that made the name Steeler synonymous with the town's muscular, blue-collar work force (as opposed to today's overweight unemployed force). The steelworker faces up against Buffalo Bill Cody, the Civil War vet, Western frontiersman, and pseudo-circus ringleader who inspired the name for Buffalo's football team for no better reason than it was a decent play on words. It's up to you to determine the winner... WHO DO YOU HAVE AS MORE MACHO?




#4 STEELER

Strengths


- Burly
- Square jaw can withstand punching
- Able to consume massive amounts of shitty beer
- Has hot stuff; coming through
- Might have a pipe or wrench or something, I don't know

Weaknesses


- Evolving global economy
- Techno music
- MEN!


#5 Buffalo Bill

Strengths


- Handy with a six-shooter
- Killed 4,280 bison in six 18 months. Fuck you, PETA!
- Background as cavalry scout lends to stealth
- Full name of Wild West show was "Buffalo Bill's Wild West and Congress of Rough Riders of the World," which isn't a strength per se, but c'mon. That's pretty fucking sexy.
- Only NFL mascot to be awarded the Medal of Honor

Weaknesses


- Indian-killing reputation marred by employing Sitting Bull
- Played Custer during reenactment of Battle of Little Big Horn
- Facial hair ridiculous even by 19th century standards
- Totally sold out, man

Vote on the sidebar to the right. Poll closes at the end of the day.

(All Buffalo Bill facts from Wikipedia)

26 comments:

Pemulis said...

Oh wait, was she a great big fat person?

Upstate Underdog said...

rumor has it Wild Bill frequently wore a t-shirt that read "moustache and beard rides, 5 cents"

Christmas Ape said...

Bill:

--Also has a vengeful Uma Thurman in pursuit of him.

SlideShow Bob said...

gotta love Gay steel mills.

Upstate Underdog said...

@slideshow, are there any other kind?

Moof! said...

Buffalo Bill is also my great-great grandfather. So I've been on KSK. I'm also still drunk.

Christmas Ape said...

If Steerel rose, Hines Wald no smirre.

Hooks Orpik said...

CC, it was 4,280 beasts in eighteen months, not six.

Still pretty damn impressive considering that 8 a day, every single day, for a year and a half.

Kill, kill, kill

Colts and Hoosiers Fan said...

I have Steely McBeam in this one.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

God rest the souls of that poor family... and pussy's half price for the next 15 minutes.

God I miss that show.

SlideShow Bob said...

gotta love the Drake!

JAMMQ said...

Buffalo Bill . . . giving a demonstration of the tuck rule.

(Worse than last week's disease photos)

1972DavidBowieFromTheZiggyStardustTour said...

I hate the Drake!

smurphette said...

It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again!

It does this whenever it's told.

/Drake-WKU = amazing game

Otto Man said...

/Drake-WKU = amazing game

Hells yes. Especially since I picked WKU as my upset making it to the Sweet Sixteen.

Coupled with Davidson, this almost makes up for the gang-rape the SEC teams gave me yesterday. Almost.

the great bambi said...

even more amazing, just walking out of the office for an hour to go across the street, grab a couple beers, and watch the end to Davidson/gonzaga (holy shit adam morrison needs a shave and a haircut...2 bit) then Drake/WKU, God Bless March Madness

Otto Man said...

Oh wait, was she a great big fat person?

All the excuse I need to post the Lotion video again.

I'm in a Frat said...

Buffalo Bill loves Drake pastries.

smurphette said...

I love a blog where both Princess Bride and Silence of the Lambs get quoted in the same day.

the great bambi said...

@ smurphette

and it's considered par for the course

Otto Man said...

I love a blog where both Princess Bride and Silence of the Lambs get quoted in the same day.

Andre the Giant Has a Pussy.

Caxide said...

Buffalo Bill has a casino named after him on state line of NV/CA. Steelers may have shitty beer and lead pipes, but a bar full of liquor, an buffet, and all the money God doesn't have swings me on this one.

Buffalo Bill>*

Jackin'4Beats said...

Barbecue, me and you! Stinky pinky, pew, pew! Or dilly, Jilly, Hilly or Bob! It was a french-fried Cajun named Delacroix!

roy said...

"Facial hair ridiculous even by 19th century standards"

--obvious cocksucker--not that there's anything wrong with that!

roy said...

why else would that "taint tickler" be jutting out from his chin?

Ken Dynamo said...

HEY WHO'S THAT HOT CHICK IN THE SECOND PICTURE???