Thursday, December 13, 2007

Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Week -- Happy Holidays to our Readers

I had this "Christ, I hate Christmas shopping" rant cooking for this week's Meast, but it kept stalling right around the time I argued that I shouldn't have to buy my brother-in-law a gift because he gets to have sex with my sister.

It wasn't exactly brimming with Christmas cheer.

That rant stalled for a reason: my heart wasn't in it. Truth is, I love Christmas. Christmas is the tits and ass of holidays. I love the first snowfalls of the year, I love the ubiquitous smell of pine, I even love Christmas music. George Winston's "December" and a cozy fire in my fireplace give me a throbbing Yule log of a boner. Throw in the opportunity to drink hot booze -- Apple Jack, Irish coffee, Mexican coffee, hot buttered rum, hot toddies, microwaved beer, whatever -- and I'm almost in a good enough mood to give a freezing bum some spare change.

And you know what else? I truly like spending time with my family. Those people are okay. Especially when we're all tore up on hot booze and giving each other gifts. And sometimes those gifts are MORE booze! What a time to be alive!

Last year my parents got me a video iPod and a bottle of scotch. The scotch was gone in two weeks, but porn on your iPod is forever. And people try to tell me Christmas is more fun as a kid. Fuck that. I was sober all growing up.

So happy holidays, KSKers. All of you readers are like family in a way, from the drunk uncles to the cool guy dating some distant relative to the retarded nephews to the sexy cousin who you know you shouldn't be attracted to, but c'mon, you only see her like every other year, and it barely even feels like you're related at all.

...or so I'd imagine.


In keeping with the holiday theme, this week's Meast is Sage Rosenfels. He completed 75% of his passes and had 3 TDs and no picks in an impressive win over the... Bucs, if I remember correctly (last Sunday seems like a long time ago).

Was he really the meastiest guy on the field last week? Probably not, *COUGH* Patrick Kerney *COUGH* but the guy rose to the occasion during Hannukkah or Chanooka or however Sage's people are spelling it this year, and we thought we'd give him the nod to honor the holiday spirit of things.

Also, Unsilent Majority wanted a Jew to win. Here ya go, Maj. Merry Christmas.


22 comments:

twoeightnine said...

So I shouldn't expect a present from you either?

feep said...

Mazal Tov!

Unsilent Majority said...

Ufford's just bitter because Sage just lit it up again tonight, thus crushing his chances of beating me in the fantasy playoffs.

Everything's coming up Gimmel!

JAMMQ said...

Christmas music is horrible.

However, getting booze, or money to buy booze, as a gift for Christmas is joyous.

Spending time with the family for Christmas is torturous.

However, getting so drunk that you don't even realize you're around your family on Christmas, is splendid.

Happy Holidays, fuckers.

LiarLidimew said...

The best thing about Chausnakakachaunzkachaunuakka is that instead of one day of boozing you get 8 crazy nights.

StuScottBooyahs said...

And a Merry Christmas to YOU Mr. Caveman, I will even promise to not get you Mannheim Steamroller this year. How about this instead.

Captain Caveman said...

Aww, thanks stuscottbooyahs. You got me a hat!

Porky1 said...

To the Meast! "Buckshot" Rosenfels (he needs a Texas-style nickname,) the 142nd fastest gun in the West.

Apparently Denver was 143.

Undead Zombie Horde said...

God damn/God bless the hot cousins!

MDT said...

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Happy Jewish!

Pepster said...

Microwaved beer - that is priceless.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight. (Wait - its only 9:30 - back to work for me).

Upstate Underdog said...

I would also add Italian coffee (just add sambuca or anisette) to the list of great international coffees.

grungedave said...

Mario Williams just nominated himself for next week. Holy shit.

Phony Gwynn said...

My parents don't get me shit.

"We gave you life," they say.

Fuck Christmas.

...

Might I be bitter over the way the Donkeys played last night? Probably.

TDizzle said...

I just about died when I read the iPod porn comment. Merry Christmas

whowillsexmutombo? said...

Yet another example of the jews, directly or indirectly, controlling the media.

We rock.

Dusty said...

Merry fucking Xmas CC. Microwaved beer? Kudos on that one dude.

Dusty said...

Hot Sake isn't too bad..if your already drunk and slurring your words.

swing4 said...

You had me at "scotch".

Okay, fine... "porn".

Otto Man said...

I would also add Italian coffee (just add sambuca or anisette) to the list of great international coffees.

Sadly, the most international my coffees get is Montreal Morn.

Jez said...

Is Sage Rosenfels actually Jew? You know he was born in Maquoketa, Iowa and went to school at Iowa State. I didn't think we had Jews in Iowa...

Jackin'4Beats said...

Happy Christmas and Merry Hanukkah to you all...even the Massengills...until the Super Bowl, then you can all eat shit.

Hey CC, try some Jamaican Rum Punch for the holidays.

1 part lemon juice
2 parts grenadine or strawberry syrup
3 parts Wray & Nephew Overproof Rum
4 parts water

Happy Holidays!!!!