Monday, December 31, 2007

We Didn’t Qualify? This Is Such Bullsh… Hey, Someone Left A Sock On The Ground!


I can’t believe this! We go 10 and fucking 6 for the first time since I don’t even know when, and we get knocked out of the playoffs all because those pansyass Titans got to play the scout team for the Colts’ scout team? This is such BULLSH…

Oh my God! Oh my God! Someone left a sock lying on the ground! It’s mine! IT’S MINE!!!!!

(gets sock)

God, I love socks. This one looks like it was in the gutter for a bit!

What was I saying? Oh yeah. The fact that such an inspirational season ended this way is horseshit! How can the Browns be sitting at home when the 9-7 Redskins get to go? The fucking Redskins? That fucking NFC, man. It’s so arbi…

HOLY SHIT, THAT MAN OVER THERE THREW THE END OF HIS HOT DOG BUN ON THE GROUND! GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!!

(scarfs it up)

Oh, yeah. Oh, YEAH. That is a treat and a half.

(licks balls)

Can someone scratch my belly? It’s been ages since I had me a good belly scratching.

This is a very sad day to be a Browns fan. But this has been a season of hope, and I am not going to lose hope now. We have a great young team and the foundation is set for…

A FUCKING UPS GUY? WHERE?! LET’S GO GET HIM! LET’S GO EAT HIS ASSHOLE OUT!

(panting)

YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE DOOR, UPS GUY. STAY AWAY OR I WILL CLAMP DOWN ON YOUR PANT LEG LIKE ROSEANNE BARR ON A FRESH COCK.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, I really liked what I saw from Derek Anderson. He’s a real leader, and…

(sees female Browns fan)

MATE MATE MATE!

(runs after female Browns fan with cock out)

(jumps on top of female Browns fan and forcibly enters her)

Well, I guess the season didn’t end THAT bad.

(sniffs)

Oh my God! Iiiiiiiiiiit’s bacon! Only one thing smells like bacon, and that’s BACON! Where where where is it? Bacon bacon bacon bacon!

(sniffs)

Mister, show me what’s in the bag! PLEASE!!!!


IT’S BACON!

26 comments:

John S. said...

I wish I were my dog.

Christmas Ape said...

"Hold on a sec, Hines Ward is motioning me toward the back door of a kitchen."

Les Savy Ferd said...

Kerry Collins IS the play-offs.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

(jumps on top of female Browns fan and forcibly enters her)

Makes sense to me... I always wondered how people from Ohio suspended the laws of physical attraction long enough to actually mate with one another. Now I know.

Wooderson said...

I just knew there was going to be a Beggin' Strips reference in there at some point

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

All of Nashville has caught Kerry Collins fever.

John John The Bastard said...

"What's it say? I can't read!"

That was always my favorite line in that commercial. Also very applicable in this case.

Crazy Little Thing said...

"All of Nashville has caught Kerry Collins fever."

Syphilis? Some STD version of bird flu? The DTs?

naptown drew said...

Why do they identify with dogs, anyway? If I lived in Cleveland, I would try to start something where we would all come to the game dressed as gigantic brown hunks of shit. With orange hats.

/seriously, it's way cooler than the dog thing

Otto Man said...

All of Nashville has caught Kerry Collins fever.

In an odd New Years' Eve coincidence, having the "Kerry Collins fever" is my favorite euphemism for getting plastered and throwing up everywhere.

My Insignificant Life said...

@ futuremrsrickankiel said...
(jumps on top of female Browns fan and forcibly enters her)

Makes sense to me... I always wondered how people from Ohio suspended the laws of physical attraction long enough to actually mate with one another. Now I know.


Yes, but there also has to be alcohol involved, lots and LOTS of alcohol.

Bulger in My Pants said...

"Hold on a sec, Hines Ward is motioning me toward the back door of a kitchen."

I am now rethinking what I was going to have for lunch.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

In an odd New Years' Eve coincidence, having the "Kerry Collins fever" is my favorite euphemism for getting plastered and throwing up everywhere.

Make sure you drink plenty of children's pedialyte the next morning.

Big Daddy Drew said...

"What's it say? I can't read!"

FUCK. I knew I forgot something. I should have consulted YouTube first.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=WvxgM3lr-mg

Hully said...

naptown drew sed: "Why do they identify with dogs, anyway?"

Back in the 80s DBs Handford Dixon and Frank Minnifield would bark to fire up the rest of the defense. The fans down in the end zone picked up on this and started barking at the opponents as well. And, voila, the Dawg Pound was born.

naptown drew said...

Ummm...thanks?

Hully said...

Ummm... you're welcome?

fallex said...

"All of Nashville has caught Kerry Collins fever."

Syphilis? Some STD version of bird flu? The DTs?


I think you're warm with the DTs, throw in a twist of racism and you're there.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

insignificant: Agreed on the alcohol comment, although I'm fairly sure we can assume that's being implied by the above image.

I once made out with a dude from Ohio. I don't like to talk about it though.

Ken Dynamo said...

this is actually even funnier if you dont realize it's supposed to parody browns fans acting like real dogs, and instead is just implying that browns fan are easily amused by socks and enjoy rape.

MDZ said...

Drew, can we get a Kill! Kill! Kill! of Darrell Reid demolishing Chris Henry?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=uJmsCsb9hUA
The hit made Tony Dungy say "Damn, you just got knocked the fuck out."

Bulger in My Pants said...

I once made out with a dude from Ohio. I don't like to talk about it though.

I once made out with a girl from Ohio IN Ohio. It was horrifying, and I really don't like to talk about it either. Oh, vodka, you horrible, sweet bastard.

naptown drew said...

@mdz

I might be a little biased, but that was one of the best hits I've seen in awhile. Totally clean, and it rocked any traces of the 'roids right out of Henry's frame.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Why haven't you people focused on the real issue here?

That bacon is fucking awesome.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Chris Henry? YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT.

HA.

Jackin'4Beats said...

http://www.nfl.com/videos?videoId=09000d5d8059d03b

See the hit at 2:28...

SMASHING.