My TV broke last Friday night. It was one of those old Sony warhorses that last forever. That durability was both its advantage and its curse. I would have replaced it ages ago, but the thing never gave me ample reason to. The picture quality was always good. And frankly, the thing weighed 2,400 lbs., give or take a few. No way I was moving that shit unless it was a real emergency.
Anyway, we were watching some shit Friday night when, without warning, the picture collapsed. It just sort of shrank down to nothing and then POOF! It was gone. Just like that.
It took me a second to realize what had happened. At first, I thought a fuse had blown. But after a few minutes…
Me: You know what? It’s gone. I think it blew the bulb. It’s gone. IT’S GONE! HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THE TV BROKE! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW!!!!!!”
I immediately raced to the computer to start researching HDTV’s and DVR’s.
The Mrs.: I’ve never seen you act that fast on anything. In fact, I’ve never seen you act fast in any manner whatsoever.
Me: Shut the fuck up. Now, apparently these 1080p sets are the best, but they cost more. But fucking ay, how often does Big Daddy get to buy himself a TV? Now, apparently, LCD is better than plasma. Plasma wastes power. And if we get the DVR, that’s just $5 a month more on the bill. I WANT THE DVR! I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!
The Mrs.: (goes back to reading book) Whatever.
Less than 24 hours later, I got some high def up in that motherfucker.
Me: Look at the picture quality. Isn’t that amazing?
The Mrs.: Doesn’t look that different to me.
Me: Are you fucking joking? (toggling between standard ESPN and hi-def ESPN) Look at that shit! Look at Michelle Bonner’s pores! She’s so flawed now! I could stare at the side logos for an hour on their own! They drift!
The Mrs.: I guess.
Me: God dammit, this is a big event in my life. Will you get fired up?
The Mrs.: It’s just TV.
Me: No, it’s HDTV! It’s like we live in the future now! Look at how cool the remote is! Now get excited. Are you excited? I‘M EXCITED!
The Mrs.: Yes, I’m excited.
I know damn well the Mrs. was greatly displeased that I was more excited about getting a new TV than pretty much anything ever, up to including getting married, having a kid, etc. And that’s more than justified. But fuck man… NEW TV! HOORAY!!!
Oh, and your meast of the week is Lofa Tatupu of the Seahawks. He had, like, 3 picks or something. Ufford’s gay for him. Looking good, Lofa. ESPECIALLY IN HD!!! YEEEAAARGHHHHH!!!!