Thursday, December 20, 2007

KSK Mailbag: Joe Damato Is a Moronic A--Hole

Some first-class asshole named Joe Damato wrote into us regarding a satirical post in which we had a fictional David Garrard act as a pimp. Well, Joe noticed an inaccuracy in the post. He writes:

Here's your quote:

"No? Good. Did you know officers, by law, have to answer that last question honestly? Isn't that interesting? Now, if you don't mind, I need to have Tiny here pat you down. TINY!"

Officers don't. If they did, there would be no such thing as an "undercover" officer because numb nut criminals would say..."are you a cop?" and the cop would say "aw shucks.....ya' got me!" There goes the whole idea of "undercover."

Either go to law school or do some research....get your fat asses off of the couch and stop being ignorant.

Just a friendly reminder for whichever one of you douche bags tries to buy some blow or grass from a guy on the street. "Are you a cop?," doesn't work. Morons.

We suggested to Joe that if he can't recognize satire, he should probably go ahead and hang himself. He replied:

If you can't recognize accuracy, then you should keep doing whatever it is you are doing. Fucking morons.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

...

Wait. So...

...

What are we supposed to do again? Is it go to law school, do some research, or keep doing what we're doing?

Hey Joe, guess who's both the dumbest and the most righteous jackass to ever send us an angry email?

You are, asshole. I hope this is the first thing that pops up when someone Googles you. Merry Christmas, cocksucker.

66 comments:

Jason said...

"Boy, the Gay Mafia sure loves the readers!"

It's called humor, Joe.

Hustler of Culture said...

I wlll now link to this from my blog to help out with that Google idea.

Anything to help KSK expose assholes (which is kinda funny considering the writers of KSK...but I digress).

Vanilla said...

It should also help if I mention Joe Damato here in the comments no? Thanks Joe Damato for all the helpful tips on cops not being able to lie.

You're an idiot Joe Damato.

Hustler of Culture said...

I wasn't kidding

http://stupidangelos.blogspot.com/

Upstate Underdog said...

That e-mail was almost as good as the angry one BDD got from that Pats fan a few months ago. I hope BDD has lost his virginity since then.

Hustler of Culture said...

Btw, if you google his name, a porn director comes up....

Christmas Ape said...

If you want to be accurate, that picture doesn't show the horse's asshole.

/Joe Damato

smurphette said...

P.S. And it would be a donkey, not a horse.

- Joe Damato

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_D'Amato

Apparently he is also a famous Italian porn star... I am really not sure where to go with that.

SlideShow Bob said...

They teach that in law school?

Awkward Boner said...

Joe likes his facts the way he likes his men. Cold and hard.

Phony Gwynn said...

ESPN's Chris Mortensen reports that Joe Damato recently had his vagina cleaned with a toilet brush and the diarrhea of a homeless man.

...

ESPN's Chris Mortensen has now learned that Joe Damato was anally raped by the Baltimore Ravens. ESPN's John Clayton also reports that Joe Damato is a twinkling cunt, and that the Cleveland Browns, Arizona Cardinals, Denver Broncos and Jacksonville Jaguars are all interested in servicing him.

MicroscopicElvis said...

Was there any doubt you'd unleash Ufford on this poor bastard? Also, Joe, this damn verification thing spelled "mqueen" wrong. Recognize accuracy, dammit

TDizzle said...

What a douche bag.

TurleyGirlie said...

Wait...hold on. That was David Garrard?

I thought it was Leftwich.


::sigh::

Weed Against Speed said...

You say to-may-to, I say to-mah-to.

You say Da-may-to, I say douchenozzle.

3000 said...

Good Christ, this guy mustn't be too familiar with this blog or its commentors. Assuming he signed his real name, he's likely in for a shitstorm of (deserved) bashing and harassment.

Fuck YOU, Joe Damato!

p.s. Whatever happened to the Ookie lady?

Pemulis said...

"Yup, these are your readers!"

Matt said...

Obviously everyone at KSK is a middle school drop out and failure at life. Don't you guys know that blogs should be unquestioned beacons of accuracy?

Thank God we have Joe Damato to correct you morons. Joe Damato you are clearly the sharpest mind the blogging world has to offer. Joe Damato, why don't you drop by Garrard's joint and get syphilis, on my tab?

Asshole...stop reading

Wormfather said...

Damn, I thought that was true. Almost bought blow with that info.

Burma Jones said...

Why would you read the blog if you don't understand the jokes? I dislike Joe Damato greatly. Joe Damato should fuck off and die slow.

Barry said...

"I hope this is the first thing that pops up when someone Googles you. Merry Christmas, cocksucker."

I fucking love this blog.

Dave said...

MY MAN JOE WAS JUST BACKIN' ME UP!!!!!!! ACCRACY!
/STEPHEN A SMITH

Pepster said...

Stepehen A. Smith approves of Joe Damato's ability to correct those of us in the blogosphere who are malicious and wreckless with their inaccurate details contained within the parameters of satire along with the inaccurate facts being promulgated by the ineptitude of the nontraditional media.

I however, say - fuck off Joe D'Amato.

Leaking Geek said...

And in other news...

Water is wet.
The sky is blue.
Joe Damato is a self-righteous fuckstick.
Joe, from all of us on the internets, please go grab a nice steaming cup of shut the fuck up.

Back to you KSK.

Rick said...

Getting there...
http://www.google.com/search?&q=%22joe+damato%22

Now if you are more specific...
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22joe+damato%22+is+a+douche

Steve said...

Actually that's the second thing you learn in law school. The first is that whomever smelt it has no, in fact, definitely dealt it.

It must be really confusing to have a very common name like Joe Damato. I mean, with all the thousands of Joe Damatos running around, how does Joe know when someone is referring to him? In all likelihood, there are Joe Damatos out there for whom the following is true:

Joe Damato can fit an entire traffic cone in his rectum, flat end first.

Joe Damato lost his testicles at age 4 in a freak Easy Bake Over accident.

Joe Damato is an expert in the laws of Evidence, having represented himself in numerous bestiality trials in Georgia, commonly referred to as the "Scoping the Monkey" trials.

Joe Damato subsisted for an entire year on nothing but the semen he was able to suck from discarded condoms.

SDW said...

To the tune of "Silent Night"

Joe Damato
Joe Damato
suck my cock
give a good blow

spends his days complainin' bout blogs
spends his nights blowin' for egg nog

stick a cock in your aaaaa-ass
sti-ick a cock in your ass

fallex said...

Goddamn, I was looking for some '70's Italian porn and I found this site. What a tease.

Mike Murray said...

Nobody fucks with the Gay Mafia.

Mike Murray said...

Also, I guess we all now know what it takes to get your name published at KSK...

Matt said...

Must suck to be the Gay Mafia then...

Livingston said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
dickey simpkins said...

"Hey Joe, guess who's both the dumbest and the most righteous jackass to ever send us an angry email?"

Don't ask Joe that, what a stupid question.

Bstone said...

Wait, wait. Why isn't Joe's email being publicly distributed for spamming purposes?

Captain Caveman said...

@bstone - I had it in the first draft. I decided to not show all my cards at once.

MemphisRaines said...

It seems it shows up in Livingston's link if that is, in fact, the correct Mr. Damato.

My Insignificant Life said...

Hopefully this will forever place him in the glory of others who dare cross swords with the Gay Mafia.

http://add.urbandictionary.com/verify.php?code=1aeb3577c9&function=submit

My Insignificant Life said...

What did his blackberry show as a return address??

Bstone said...

@ capt. caveman

Good call. When he sends back the prototypical snobpile lawyer bullshit that involves something about "suing you for libel" then you really release the fucking hounds.

Sisto said...

The guy in Livingston's link looks too old to know what a blog is, much less operate a blackberry.

The Last Unitard said...

What does this guy have against mormons anyway?

lieutenant winslow said...

Hello folks,

You are using the name Moronic A-Hole for promotional items but must be unaware that my company has a registered trademark for that name. Therefore I am sorry but you should no longer use the name. I appreciate a response.
You can see our trademark Moronic A-Hole at www.joedamatolovesthecock.com

thank you,
Clasina Valkenberg

miamidiesel said...

Not to piss on you people's parade, but I have serious doubts livingston's link is correct. Call it a hunch, but I doubt that a partner at a law firm - especially one who looks like the dude in that picture - is reading KSK, let alone emailing the Gay Mafia about points of law. Spam him if you want, but I think you'd be targeting the wrong guy.

Rick said...

Assuming that Joe Damato did NOT send that, then it is the greatest way to Eff with somebody EVAR (intentional misspelling for those that are dense.)

Pepster said...

Good one Lt. Winslow. Love the Valkenberg throwback.

If the aforementioned lawyer Damato, is the actual Damato, then it is guys like him who give lawyers like us, a douche name. (Did I say like us, I meant like other lawyers).

Yes, some partners at law firms read KSK.

Big Daddy Drew said...

We're gonna delete the Livingston link in case that's the wrong JD. We don't want to harass innocent people.

Just stupid innocent people.

flubby said...

No offense, Livingston but we went ahead and pulled your comment. That's not the same guy and we don't want some white-shoe DC law firm on our ass because one of their partners is getting hate mail intended for someone else.

Other than that, carry on.

quiet strength said...

So this guy's really a lawyer and his rebuttal is "If you can't recognize accuracy, then you should keep doing whatever it is you are doing. Fucking morons"? I really hope I come across this guy for my next DUI. Or public disturbance. Whichever comes first.

miamidiesel said...

Good move flub. I'm sure you know partners are vultures who will happily crack the whip harder on their associate underlings just so they can devote their time to starting shit over something like this.

@pepster: I actually got three partners at the firm where I was a summer associate addicted to KSK. Though as far as I know, none of them have ever commented on here. And they were definitely not douchebags like Joe D'Amato appears to be.

Livingston said...

My mistake on that one. In hindsight, I hope 51 year old partners would be spending more time looking at two girls one cup in the office than shooting off know-it-all emails to someone that is not on staff. Writing from a law firm, an email like that still has all the markings of a lonely, early-year associate.

Ken Dynamo said...

well i dont know - joe did kind of call bullshit - and that is bullshit.

fraid he kind of nailed you on this one, fair and square.

naptown drew said...

Joe Damato:

Douche
Fag
Piece of Shit
Racist
KKK
Child Molester
Homo
Punk Bitch
Pig Fucker
Motherfucker
Baby Raper
Old Lady Rapist

There. That should take care of some Google cross references for future cyber-stalkers of Joe Damato.

naptown drew said...

Well, that didn't really work as I had intended. Fuck it. At least I tried. Like Joe Damato tries to masturbate his asshole with baseball bats.

the Associated Dress said...

If you Google Joe Damato properly, KSK is third. Damn apostrophes. And Italian porn stars. Google hogs.

Kolja said...

Joe Damato-

Choke on a cock and die.

Spud Randall said...

South Boston?

Yeah South Boston, who fawged yoah transcript?

Dusty said...

I say we visualize ripping Joe's nutsack off and shoving it on his head like a beret. What a floater in the toilet bowl of life.

Are we doing a google bomb? I love those things, especially for fucktards like Joe Damato.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Remind me never to cross you Dusty.

Or just make sure you're always baked.

Dusty said...

Christ, I am baked now ;)I find my comments flow better when I read this blog stoned.

mamacita said...

clamato>damato

and clamato fucking blows.

Clock Cleaner said...

@ken dynamo

no, you don't get it either.
It was SATIRE. FUCK.

read it over and over again until you can wrap your head around that concept.

pain-ther fan said...

Joe Damato learned everything he knows from "Manswers"

Comicbook Guy said...

Hey Joe Damato,
Nice job. Hope you gag on your perception how funny a douchebag you are.

Chamomiles Davis said...

"Merry Christmas, cocksucker."

...is exactly what appears on Bobby Knight's Christmas card, just under the family photo.

Daniel said...

Joe Damato is a poopface