Sunday, December 2, 2007

What Do You Mean, I Can't Call Two Timeouts?


What do you mean, I can't have walk-on players?

What do you mean, the center isn't an eligible receiver?

What do you mean, there's no extra points for loving Jesus?

What do you mean, the clock doesn't stop after a first down?

What do you mean, I don't always have to go for two? Odd numbers are bad juju!

What do you mean, Beathard's not here to get me a damn guard anymore?

What do you mean, there's a play clock? I need to talk this tricky 2nd and 6 over with Bugel and the gang!

What do you mean, they're allowed to study videotape of us?

What do you mean, there's a salary cap?

What do you mean, I can't suit up this Kenyan elephant?

What do you mean, I can't use that player I left out on the first play for a 12-man play later on?

What do you mean, I can't throw this red hankie any time I want?

What do you mean, I can't send ol' Ricky Ervins out there?

What do you mean, my players can't play while chock full of cocaine anymore?

What do you mean, parity?

What do you mean, time has passed me by?

What do you mean, I'm not good anymore?

What do you mean, "You fucking suck, Gibbs!"?

Well, that's not what I was told.

25 comments:

Ryan The Intern said...

This was the football equivalent of Grandpa crapping himself at Thanksgiving dinner.

twoeightnine said...

I'd just like to thank Joe for the earlier Christmas present. The second kick probably isn't good without the 15 free yards.

flubby said...

What do you mean I can't call President Reagan to commiserate?

Gourmet Spud said...

Twelth man on defense < senile man wearing headset.

Unsilent Majority said...

If it's any consolation, Sam Huff thought it was a stroke of genius.

Andrew said...

What do you mean, fighting our guts out doesn't give us bonus points?

ContractYear said...

What do you mean, there are only 10 players lined up on D?

True story, he really didn't know they were planning on honoring Taylor that way. He makes Jo Pa look involved.

www.contractyear.blogspot.com

smurphette said...

+1 flub

That camera shot of Smoot with his face in his hands at the end of the game broke my heart. Fucking inexcusable.

Young James said...

My 57 year old Dad was cracking Jesus jokes about him watching the end of the game too... And we just got switched over to that game and didn't see how he fucked the whole thing up. Someone put him out of his misery already.

HadesGigas said...

He has to go to hell for this. You don't misrep the J-man with that assplay. English.

Silverback 55 said...

Thanks for ruining my day Gibbs. Fuck even the Bills were willing to take the loss but no, he had to jam his head firmly up his ass and ruin an emotional day for Redskins' fans everywhere. I'm not even a Washington fan, but I fully support crucifying the old fart.

Raskolnikov said...

What do you mean, 'booze ain't food'? I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!

I'm in a Frat said...

Even Tony Siragusa disapproves...

and he thinks that, by dipping a football in melted cheese, you make said football edible.

brad said...

As a Bills fan, all I can say is, this is the sort of shit that always happens to us.

It's all right to be pissed at Gibbs, but all you needed was a first down against a team with no timeouts.

You gave the Bills one last chance, and they came through in the end.

My world doesn't make sense anymore.

Otto Man said...

"WE LIKE ROY! WE LIKE ROY!"

bloodyhandedgod said...

Sorry Joe. Thanks for coming out. Shoulda learned the rules. Wrong day to show someone how lost you really are. Fucking sad.

Hank said...

What do you mean Matlock has been cancelled?

Ben said...

What do you mean, you damn kids won't get off my lawn?

Les Savy Ferd said...

@ brad -Amen. 'bout time the Bills had the karma boomerang swing back around after not one but two last second game-losing FGs where, like you said about the 'Skins, all they needed to do was get a first down or 2.

Now all the bills need to do is:
a) run the table, winning every game...
b) ESPECIALLY 2 weeks from now against Cleveland.
c) have Tennessee fade a bit

and the 6th seed is ours.

not.
holding.
my.
breath.

Murderface said...

What do you mean, I'm a living joke?

QueeferSuthrland said...

What do you mean, 'booze ain't food'? I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!

Care to be a participant in the BME Pain Olympics?

Warning: it's not my fault if anyone has the balls (removed) to go there.

tomrigid said...

I was on a treadmill with a tv attached, yelling at the screen like a rabid monkey. They needed one more first down, and dead Meast was yelling "PASS!" from the Happy Hitting Grounds.

The entire world knows they're gonna give the ball to Clinton Portis. Dick Jauron knows that Joe Gibbs would rather swallow his own jisum than pass on second down.

Portis, into the line. Portis, into the line. Punt. Screaming rabid monkey.

He can put a man in a car and send him around a track at 200 mph but he lacks the guts to claim the win. He thinks Shawn Suisham is the best player on the team.

Gibbs and Snyder, murder/suicide pact. Please.

Oh, and that time out? Worst Redskins moment ever. 73-0 was a sugarplum fairy massage with a morphine happy ending. Capping the Shulas perfect season was a chocolate poop with a hemorrhoid cherry on top. Raiders in the Bowl was our wet kiss on the lips from the hooker broad who changes Al Davis' dirty diapers, and the "oh snap!" of Joe T's bone gave us the mellifluous sounds of Theismann's verbal appendicitis.

All of those things, better by far than Ol' Man Gibbs' Time Out #2. Bring on the rapture.

quiet strength said...

AP - Gibbs said he asked the official before calling time if he was allowed to do so. He said the official told him he could.

I'm just imagining Gibbs asking the official all sorts of things with the official blandly replying "Yes Joe..." such as "The seniors discount at Ponderosa is still $5.95 including drink, right?" or "Would my great-grandkids like one of those DVD thingies for Christmas?"

dick_gozinia said...

What do you mean they can revoke my hall of fame membership?

deafjeff said...

Lindell drilled the first one from 51, why does everyone think he automatically misses the second? Ian Eagle was saying it cost them the game most likely. Bullshit, running portis 25 times for 50 yards, now that is bad.