Friday, December 7, 2007

Cosplay Showdown: Tom of Finland Wet Dream vs. Hunched Over Colonial Williamsburg Employee. WHO YA GOT?














This Sunday's game is billed as the last the Patriots have a legitimate shot at losing, even though they're 10 1/2 point favorites and still have dried Tony Kornheiser spooge stains on their jerseys from last Monday. But in terms of gay mascots, Pat the prone Patriot may have finally met his match. Steely McBeam has been sculpting his pubic hair for months. He says there are some interesting topiaries down there. WHO YA GOT?


Contestants

Steely McBeam____________Pat Patriot

Start a War, Start a Nuclear War

At the gay bar_______________gay bar GAY BAR

Guarantee

Happy ending___________Demonstration of 18th-century happy ending

Shameful Secret

Only around football for the dudes__Actually George Steinbrenner

Liabilities

Lovers thrown off by skin-colored shirt____Makes disappointing town crier

History

Hopefully none beyond this season___Don't ask Pats fans, they didn't like the team before 2001

Common greeting

Heyyyyy_________________Heyyyyyeth

Finishing move

Runs away to North Carolina with Bill Cowher____Shows Randy Moss an even gayer TD celebration than his current one.


P.S. -- Fuck off, David Fleming and King Kaufman. You too, PK.
NNNNNNOOOOOO, the urtard picked the Steelers, too.

46 comments:

Big Daddy Drew said...

New England is primed for an upset! I predict a big Steelers win!

Christmas Ape said...

I hate you.

Gourmet Spud said...

Nice work, Xmas Ape. You're a superstar.

A superstar, down at the...

The Last Unitard said...

Winner gets Brady Quinn.

Phony Gwynn said...

Gay bar of choice

Rebar _______ FUBAR

And "Heyyyyyeth" was awesome.

Big Jim Slade said...

If McBeam is still around next season I will be sore...





...ly disappointed.

dick_gozinia said...

I can't decide if the old Buccaneers logo is gayer than either of these.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Gayer than Ufford's new preachy Preludes!

Pretty soon Leitch is gonna have to start hanging out with Eli on the lower east side and listening to Emo Christmas music and drinking PBR.

"I mean so terrible that its awesome but then so terrible that it's just terrible and then you even think about it one more time because you can't believe that shit exists but it's still terrible, it's like the only innovation that's pure terrible, it's like writing music that turned out to be airborn AIDS"

Mike Murray said...

Are you suggesting Pats fans and bandwagon fans? Nooooooo...

Captain Caveman said...

@tech n9ne:

You tell it! Writers should only do the same thing every time!

StuScottBooyahs said...

@dick_gozinia: I had nightmares about the creamsicle pirates coming to get me when I was a kid.

(Five One Eight) said...

I've got something to put in you.

Porky1 said...

"Don't ask Pats fans, they didn't like the team before 2001."

If I believed the Bible as strongly as I believed that statement, I'd be the freakin' Pope.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

@CC: Whoa Steven A, settle down, you'll get your cheesypoofs

Unwashed masses likey:
(Step 1: Find something similar yet less heralded. Step 2: Declare less heralded thing better. Step 3: Add profanity. Step 4: Disagree? Douchebag!)*

Unwashed masses no likey:
the last few years of M*A*S*H. You know, when Alan Alda took over behind the camera and the show got all dramatic and preachy?**

*AND REPEAT!

**this entire comment was entirely plagiarized

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

/secretly thrilled CC kared enough to mock me.

//less secretely still bitter he saves his best shit for WL.

///most secretly concerned that thoughts like: Steely + Pat = a CC in mascot form, might make me a gay.

JAMMQ said...

Ufford, preachy? Get out!

JAMMQ said...

Does James Harrison know about the KSK bounty?

He seems like the type to enjoy a good giftbag.

drthunder said...

hey give Pats fans some credit, we've been bandwagon fans since the Tuna drafted Bledsoe in 1993

Brian said...

4. Hines Ward's will to win. The dude leads the league in it.

Fuck you PK

Captain Caveman said...

Oh, I don't "save" my best stuff for WL. I'm just not talented enough to consistently produce here after trying to be funny all day long.

* key word "trying"

twoeightnine said...

The urtard is also trying to give Purple Jesus a nickname. "Great Adrian." I'm guessing that's the name of someone on the Real World.

Russell K said...

When the Steelers win this game, I hope you guys dedicate an entire post to mocking and taunting Patriots fans.

Gern said...

The only thing gayer than Steely Mc Beam is that lame WNBA-like Patriots logo on the helmets. Bring back that old logo or come up with something new.

Jackin'4Beats said...

C'mon Steelers don't fuck this up like those bitch Birds and Ker-azay Birds.

SWEEP THE FUCKIN' LEG. You see what the Bears did to Lionel Ritchie last night. OK do the same thing to Brady - just make sure we can see some bone when you're done.

I'll be watching...

Oh yeah and Cowboys 12-1.

Europaeus said...

Unbelievable.

And some of you actually have the nerve to criticize PK and ilk?

The Pat's aren't going to lose a team that could beat them. No fucking way. Pat's by 2 TD's, and they'll make the Burgerboy look stupid again.

Ryan said...

Post is 10/10 for the Electric Six referral. Best band in the world.

JG said...

Electric Six? I didn't realize the KSK staff listened to anything remotely resembling hip.

LiarLidimew said...

Steely McBeam would bend Pat the Patriot over and do horrible things to him. Steely, steely gay bar things.

Punch Rockgroin said...

I'm praying for a tie.

mamacita said...

You must have really rattled CC. He never splits an infinitive.

dickey simpkins said...

Well, that whole vulnerable Pats thing was fun while it lasted. Fuck this shit.

Mike said...

BDD: "New England is primed for an upset! I predict a big Steelers win!"

How'd that work for you, Big Daddy Smith?

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

FUCK

Christmas Ape said...

About as well as your irony detection, dipshit Mike

Dusty said...

Nice comeback xmas ape, kudos dude.

Mr Furious said...

"The whole steel industry's gone gay."

Itza Minkman said...

Pittsburgh mascot Stiffy McBone looks like Bill Cow-HER

Itza Minkman said...

Mike ConVick is gonna play the meat whistle in the prison band.

Itza Minkman said...

OJ Simpson, aka, Prune Juice, is gonna be scrubbing nasty prison toilets for $1.27 per DAY -- and Fred Goldman is gonna take ever penney!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Itza Minkman said...

OJ, aka Prune Juice, is Fred Goldman's biotch.

Itza Minkman said...

Yo, Prune Juice, what time it bees, my brutha? Oh, that's right, Fred Goldman bitch-slapped yo punk ass and dun took yo Rolex!!

Itza Minkman said...

I asked Fred Goldman what time it was and he said: Time to bitch slap my bitch, Prune Juice.

Itza Minkman said...

OJ, aka, Prune Juice, is gonna be lapping up some gang banger's ass gravy in prison.

Itza Minkman said...

Yo, Prune Juice, dig this my senior citizen brutha: The only thing the young bruthas in prison know about you is that a cracker named of Fred Goldman bitch- slapped yo wrinkled ass in front of god and everybody!!

Itza Minkman said...

OJ, Michael ConVick, Mike Tyson...lock 'em all up, but don't throw away the key: Baroid Bonds is gonna need a place to lay his enlarged skull.

Itza Minkman said...

All these wannbe gangstas gettin' BUSTED on the street...punk-ass bitches gettin' kilt by the real deal...so let me ax you a question, my bruthas: How's it all working for ya? How's the no-father having, black-on-black killing, ebonics-talking, no-education thang workin' for y'all?