Friday, December 14, 2007

No Shock To The System Needed

The Friday Cheerleader Post


When Slick Bomb sent this blurb about how 13 juniors from Ohio State made arrangements with the NFL to assess if and where they may be selected in that League's upcoming draft, I wasn't alarmed as he was.

"That's basically the entire team," he said.

Slick's math notwithstanding, I explained that Ohio State will usually go out of its way to help one of its athletes make an informed decision about whether to declare for a draft, be it for the NFL or the NBA. The piece explains that the players even did so with Tressel's blessing, the head coach being fully aware that high school football's elite come to Columbus for two reasons:

1) To fuck lots of girls, and

2) To get ready for the NFL (I realize that's somewhat redundant)

Furthermore, it's certainly a help to one's coaching efforts when one's players gain feedback regarding what holes in their game could potentially be costing them millions of dollars. The majority of these players, I believe, will take the information that the League gives them and prepare for their respective senior seasons accordingly. I would guess four or five will take the leap and declare. The rest will wait and take a shot at bigger money down the road.

Speaking of, I suppose some of you are pissed off about the Ohio State-LSU matchup, and to be totally truthful, those of you can suck down a used catheter bag like a cherry-flavored Capri Sun. Just because you assholes want to fill out some brackets before Christmas is no reason to drastically alter the landscape of college football.

Besides, what we have now IS a playoff. It's a two-team playoff. Just because we're fucking over the third-best team instead of the ninth-best team or the 17th-best team doesn't change the structure of that. And why should a potential 1-seed, that (typically) goes the whole season taking care of their business be rewarded with the chance to blow out Clemson, right back on the same starting line with 15 other teams that (most of which) couldn't get it done in the regular season. Fuck those teams and fuck you. Better luck next year.

I don't understand how this matchup supports anyone's argument for a playoff. If we had a playoff, this is exactly the game that we would have: two teams with pretty good reasons to be there, methodically picked from a handful of other teams with pretty good reasons to be there.

"Oh, but Punter," you'd say, as I'd reluctantly turn to listen. "At least with a playoff, everything would be settled ON THE FIELD." What about those first 12 games? Were they not played on the field as well? All you do with a playoff is reward a team that got hot at the end of the year, one that, more often than not, doesn't have proper claim to such a mulligan.

And I hear the argument about strength of schedule. But I don't understand how a conference that's "been beating each other up the whole season" could have TEN FUCKING BOWL-ELIGIBLE TEAMS! How tough are those alleged beatings if no one is out of bowl contention? I've heard people say Ohio State would be lucky to go .500 in the SEC. What bullshit. Mississippi State went 4-4. You telling me we couldn't beat Mississippi Goddamn State?

(And how is it the fault of the Big Ten that they weren't stupid enough to put together another opportunity for their team to get knocked down in the polls in a conference championship game? We're "pussified" because you decided to play on Thanksgiving Week and we didn't? Isn't it a bit pussified that LSU is playing a home game for the BCS title?)

And all this fucking money that a playoff would supposedly generate? Where do you think that's gonna come from, Abner? Maybe Bernanke could drop interest rates another point and you and your asshole friends could finally have that gay orgy in a kiddie pool filled with 20-dollar bills that you always talked about in college.

No, dickhead, that money will get yanked out of your so-called league championships and all the other, lesser bowls. And with the same teams playing in more games, you're actually preventing fan dollars from all of these other bowl-eligible teams from getting into the picture. Do you think the TV money from those first-round games is going to be so much better than Shitty Bowl TV Money? More than enough to facilitate a change?

Your cheerleader this week was found from a post titled "Sexy Carwash." Buff away, gentlemen. And lesbians.

49 comments:

Big Daddy Drew said...

But where's the car?

The Last Unitard said...

The Balls > MMP

Upstate Underdog said...

what happened to the picture of the one girl in the shower fisting the other girl ?

Monday Morning Punter said...

what happened to the picture of the one girl in the shower fisting the other girl

Casualty of an editorial dispute.

Upstate Underdog said...

too bad, that picture was filthy good.

twoeightnine said...

I thought that this site was about the NFL? In that case I've got a great article on baseball that you guys must right about.

christian said...

how about a link or suggested google search terms? i love me a good editorial dispute casualty.

Clock Cleaner said...

With a playoff, only one team feels like they're winners.

The system right now makes the teams that win their bowl games feel like they're winners.

Although deep down they know they're kidding themselves, more people go home feeling like winners

and in the end, isn't that what counts?

Monday Morning Punter said...

and in the end, isn't that what counts?

Okay, now I want a playoff.

Matt Worzala said...

While I don't know how Ohio State leapfrogged all those teams, I give a hearty AMEN to what you said about The Big Ten vs. SEC as a Wisconsin grad.

Mississippi State? Are you kidding me?

Though I can't stand the Buckeyes probably any more than you can stand the Badgers, I hope they do to LSU what Wisconsin did to Auburn and to Arkansas the last two bowls games.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

Well since my college went 0-8 in the SEC this yr I will just show myself out.

The Last Dragon said...

You're wrong. And LSU is gonna kick the shit out of OSU like Florida did last year.

Vanilla said...

I think I missed the good picture.

SMP said...

So I suppose you'd prefer that the NFL determine the Super Bowl matchup by the AP and coaches voting as well?

Don't want a "hot team" knocking off the Pats or Cowboys now, do we?

Pemulis said...

let's have us some fisting pictures! though i can't imagine coming up with google search terms to find said picture would be too tough. maybe try "shower" or "fisting" or "BME Pain Olympics"

Captain Caveman said...

The photo was a still from a movie that can be found at Naughty Athletics, featuring inspired performances by Sindee Jennings and Maya Gates. I don't want to ruin it for anyone, but Coach is NOT happy with how much time the girls spend in the shower together.

Hercules Rockefeller said...

My D-III college team went 2-41 my four years there. Pathetic assholes.

Chamomiles Davis said...

Captain,

You're doing the Lord's work, you know that?

Irons said...

Before he gets totally wound up about this, I would advise Punter to watch tapes of the LSU-Notre Dame game from last year.

Or Florida-Ohio State, if he hasn't seen that one.

Monday Morning Punter said...

@irons:

Notre Dame, last time I checked, was not in the Big Ten. If you're using that LSU-ND game as some of benchmark for SEC supremacy, then... I really feel no need to address your second point.

Brian said...

It's funny, not quite a year has passed since Florida made the Buckeyes their girlfriends, yet its like it never happened to read this. A better OSU team then this year's got absolutely manhandled by an SEC team last year. As much as I hate LSWho, it's going to happen again this year too.

Oh, and while Ohio State would beat MS State, I'd say at least half of the SEC could beat them. And since the Big 10 will continue to be top-heavy with OSU phoning it in on all but 1-2 of their games every year, I'm sure the bucks will get wasted by the SEC champs next year, too.

Lou Pickney said...

Look at who Mississippi State beat in the SEC: Auburn in the "Brandon Cox can do no right" era, Kentucky on the road (fluke bad game by Andre Woodson), home against Alabama (more of a rivalry game than many realize), and then a lucky one over Ole Miss (when Coach Headbutt pretty much gave the game away between a bad fourth down call and his team choking on special teams.)

You can bury your head in the sand all you like, but remember that the Bowl System is all about power and money and not at all about the "student-athletes".

Robocats said...

AMEN Punter! A-fucking-men.

I'll admit that it's hard to see a team go undefeated and not get the national championship, but shit happens. Someone's bound to get left out, and the BCS gave us the awesomeness of Boise State-Oklahoma.

And the Big 12 screwed itself. They're the ones that decided the money was more important. The Buckeyes belong there, regardless of the amount of shit they'll get if they lose to LSU in a fucking home game.

zigga plz said...

Yawn...



I was expecting more.

(this claim would be rescinded if the fisting picture is resurrected)

mikehasgas said...

Wouldn't OU-Boise State have been better if Boise State had gotten a shot at the Florida-OSU winner one week later?

I agree with Shanoff:

http://deadspin.com/sports/dan-shanoff-is-the-bandwagoneer/want-a-playoff-banish-the-rose-bowl-331890.php

Let USC annihilate UM or OSU in the Old Timey bowl every year and let the other conferences have a playoff. That way, the Pac 10 and Big 10 can have the gay orgy of tradition/parades/pomp/circumstance that they seem to love so dearly. The rest of the country could have a conclusive end to the college football season every year.

Robocats said...

Actually, I think that Boise State having the shit beat out of them the next week by Florida would have tainted their win.

There'd have been no end of the game proposal, a much less crazy celebration, and just a "well, one week at a time, we'll celebrate a while, but we have to practice hard this week" post game spiel. It'd be just another upset.

LiarLidimew said...

@Hercules Rockefeller

I know your pain... LETS GO CONTS

Freezer said...

If the regular season is the actual playoff, why isn't the only undefeated team left (Hawaii) playing for the championship?

Why is it that every argument against a D-1 playoff boils down to "I like the bowls. Shut up."?

Steve said...

I agree with Shanoff

That's your first mistake. Almost as big a mistake as not showing that shower picture.

mikehasgas said...

So Boise State would rather have had their season end on a marriage proposal than a chance to win a national title? Without looking it up, who beat who in what bowl last year? You don't think a playoff would be better?

zigga plz said...

I thought this was an NFL blog. Get all of this shitty college talk the hell out of here.

I'm serious.

Really serious.

Monday Morning Punter said...

@zigga plz: We'll make a note on the menu.

Engineer Sighted said...

I agree with pretty much everything, Punter.

Except Clemson wouldn't get blown out. It'd look like we had a chance coming out, and then we'd choke it away in the second half.

Two Dogs said...

I am a Mississippi State alum and have to agree that tOSU could beat MS State, easily. It couldn't possibly be that tOSU gets to play on TV every friggin' weekend, even though they are playing Akron could it? tOSU kinda gets their choice of blue-chip recruits while arguably the tenth place team in the SEC has to scrounge a little bit and MS State AVERAGES 4.1 wins a season.

As far as a play-off, I agree, it is played during the regular season and the Championship game is held every year in Atlanta. Oh, check tOSU's record against the SEC in bowl games, it's awesome.

Steve said...

I agree its tragic that the poor SEC doesn't get any television coverage. I mean, if you don't get CBS, ESPN or ESPN2 how would you ever watch one of their games?

Captain Caveman said...

This thread is why I'm glad we're an NFL blog.

BRADY QUINN IS GAYYY!!!!!!!!!

Discuss.

FTA said...

Seeing as how we're not talking about the Not For Long, how about those Blue Devils! A new coach, man, things are changing. I'll bet anyone on this site that next year Duke will win at least one game. Go Duke!

Robocats said...

Mikehasgas:

If it was a playoff system, Boise State's season wouldn't have ended in a "chance". It would have ended in a loss. My point is not that the marriage proposal made the game good, it's that the fact that the game had some MEANING independent of a playoff bracket allowed them and everyone else to celebrate it. Instead of having one meaningful game, and having everything feed into it, we had a few meaningful games, maybe not every bowl game but at least the BCS games.

wrecking_ball said...

LOL. And OSU's record against the SEC is...?

Oh, and fuck Clemson.

Bradley said...

You really need to learn the definition of a word before you use it. A "playoff" consists of a SERIES of games, it is not just one game.

What we have now is a beauty contest that picks the two teams that a group of old-boys thinks will generate their group a bunch of money. Yeah, that sounds like a good way to determine a championship.

I just can't believe their are people who claim to be fans of the sport who don't want a true national champion determined.

Russell K said...

Boo to all the college football talk.

whatever punter just get to the nfl and tits already

That said, I would probably pay less attention to college football if there was a playoff system. I like the bowls, shut up.

NHZ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
chris said...

"wrecking_ball said...
LOL. And OSU's record against the SEC is...?"

7-10-2
OSU's bowl record sucks against the SEC, 0-8, but then again, when is the last time an SEC team played north of the mason-dixon line? what is OSU's record against LSU? 1-0-1

why do SEC fans bring up OSU's bowl record against the SEC to prove how superior the SEC is? but then ignore the fact that the BigTen was 2-1 against the SEC in bowls last year? but, wait, "the game that mattered"... keep referring to facts to support your biased opinion. you bunch of media "SEC speed!" puppets.

Jay said...

@CC - Brady Quinn IS gay.

I'd discuss this some more, but then, what is there to discuss? Whether he would be a tender or a rough lover? Because...that's plenty gay itself.

Mountain_Man said...

ohio state Will get spanked like the fucking garbage team they are. They've been off for an eternity. There scheduling is retarded.

Jackin'4Beats said...

MMP you went to OSU? So I guess CC hates your guts the way he 's constantly disrespeckin' those ass backwards facks from OSU.

Who'd win a fight between CC and MMP? Discuss...

Who wants the recipe for drinking Rum Punch during the holidayz?

allie said...

it's true, playoffs only determine which team is the best at the end of the year. we should really just do away with playoffs and championships in all sports. instead of the NCAA tournament, we could take the two major conference teams with the best records and have people vote for their favorite on the internet. and instead of a superbowl, we could give out trophies to all the teams who won their divisions. oh, and gold stars to the teams with winning records, just so everybody feels good about themselves.

after all, isn't the point of sports to have as many winners as possible?

mikehasgas said...

Robocats:

What "MEANING" did Boise State beating Oklahoma have? That a team outside the BCS could finish #5 in the country? Boise would have probably given Florida a better game than OSU. They couldn't have done worse.

Split national titles suck. Not giving undefeated teams a shot at a title sucks. The Big Ten sucks. Ohio State sucks. The only people who seem to be against a playoff are the Big Ten and its fans.

mamacita said...

So the length of the post is inversely proportional to the amount of tits we get? Boo.