Thursday, December 13, 2007

Roger Goodell Reacts To The Mitchell Report


BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

(takes deep breath)

Ah ha... Ah ha...

AHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

(sighs)

(wipes away tears)

Oh, God. Oh, God. Can't stop... laughing... Selig... so very dumb... such an amateur...

(giggles)

(calls Paul Tagliabue)

Tags! Tags! Are you watching this?... I know!... That's what I did too!... It's fucking GREAT... Later.

(hangs up)

Tee hee hee!

Hoo hoo hoo!

BAHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

(takes deep breath)

(makes self tequila gimlet)

What a bunch of losers.

37 comments:

NHZ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Junker23 said...

Regarding the Bruschi tag - Would steroids really help his heart/brain? Using them definitely would have helped him regain any lost strength, but he seemed to recover from the complications of the stroke fairly quickly. That was always the part that shocked me.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Oh, relax. I didn't mean the tag seriously.

But that guy totally juiced!

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

Bill Romanowski - Urge to Kill Rising!

Phony Gwynn said...

(makes Pacman make him a tequila gimlet)

There ya go.

J.L. White said...

I bet Selig can't wait to be in Goddell's shoes, where enough time has elapsed so that steroid allegations are commonplace and usually ignored by the public.

Roger Clemens, meet Shawne Merriman.

Pemulis said...

I'm so pissed i couldnt watch the report, i was at the fucking dentist. i can't believe mo vaughn was on there, considering he was mostly just a fat piece of shit. also thanks for the shout out in the jamboroo. i say thanks here because i refuse to "audition" to be a commenter anywhere. i mean, really?

Robocats said...

It's a shame that Sauerbrun's juicing didn't help his tackling ability any.

Or maybe he went off right before this year.

NHZ said...

No, he still does 'roids. It's just he's on shrooms too.

The Last Dragon said...

Can we expect a Wade and Jerry soon?

Big Daddy Drew said...

No.

Pemulis said...

You mean you don't take requests?

Is it kind of like hearing someone shout 'Freebird'?

NHZ said...

If IIIIIIIIII staaaaaaaaaaaayyy heeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrreeee wwwiiiiiiiiiiith yooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuu giiiiiiiiiiirrrrrllllll...

*passes out drunk*

Unsilent Majority said...

*kicks nhz repeatedly*

Pemulis said...

*draws weiners all over nhz's face*

Matt said...

If mass steroid scandal comes to the NFL, I fully expect the Ed Hoculi on that list.

sixpintlimit said...

Ya know what? Everybody perfomance-enhances, whether it's Botox or Viagra or implants or Lasik surgery. 25 years from now, we'll be so enhanced we'll look back and wonder what the fuck the big deal was. The NFL's drug policy isn't perfect, but with so many people trying to get ahead, there's no such thing as a perfect policy. They should be lucky they reel in the fish they do catch (Merriman, Shawn).

Shane*O*visioN said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JAMMQ said...

Can we expect a Sex Canon post soon?

Or what about a Michael Vick post?

/commenter only comfortable with what's familiar

QueeferSuthrland said...

You guys got mentioned on Maxim Online for your hatred of Boston?

http://www.maxim.com/The10bestandworstthingstohappentomenin2007/articles/2/10316.aspx

Congrats!

Junker23 said...

Didn't think you meant the tag seriously, it just seemingly came out of nowhere. I'm not trying to say Bruschi didn't use steroids (I'm more apt to believe everyone is a dirty than they're all clean), I just honestly didn't know if they'd actually help him with that whole stroke thing.

deafjeff said...

I think Bruschi's incredible comeback just shows you need to be physically ok to play linebacker. Mentally, eh Belicheck takes care of that for you.

The Hazean said...

This is the best thing I read all day regarding the Mitchell report. Thanks!

NHZ said...

*kicks nhz repeatedly*

*draws weiners all over nhz's face*


I suppose that's what I get for starting to drink at six o'clock. :P

But seriously, it has been too long since I wrote on a drunk friend's face. I'll have to make sure to that this weekend.

Iiiiifffffff IIIIIII staaaaaaaaay heeeeeeeeeeeeere wiiiiiiiiithhhhhhh yoooooooooooouuuuuuuuu giiiiiiiiiiirrrrrlllllllll...

Vita said...

2 1/2 things:
1) no one remembers the 2004 panthers because they went 7-9 (this was the year after superbowl XXXVIII- which I know was held in 2004, but nonetheless the '2004 panthers' describe the next season, the one where Steve Smith broke his fibula in the first game of the season (against green bay))

B) Julius Peppers tested positive for Ephedra in his rookie season (2002)

iii) the panthers suck... bad

peytonloveskenny said...

When did people start taking the tags so seriously?

NHZ said...

I don't know.

And the 2004 Panthers were a win away from the playoffs after starting 1-7...and they lost to the Saints. What a weird friggin' year.

Aith said...

First off... this post... very very HAHA.

Second... I'd like to nominate Mario Williams or Sage Rosenfels for Meast of the week.

Suss said...

Drew picked the wrong Thursday to publish a Jamboroo.

Bill Rawls, Deputy Ops. said...

The thing that irks me the most is how much of a pass the NFL gets on PED use. I realize that the NFL started testing for steriods some 20 years ago, but the NFL was at the point MLB is now at that time. It just goes to show how far ahead the PED curve the NFL is as compared to MLB. HGH is now the big thing going on in the NFL and MLB, but I'm sure that HGH use has been rampant in the NFL for years and years. In fact, NFL players have probably already moved on to the next big thing that MLB players, by and large, haven't even caught on to yet.

I just wish PEDs weren't portrayed as just a Baseball problem when I'm sure that they are an even much bigger problem in the NFL.

90% Mental said...

To quote from the Guinness ads...
Brilliant!

Seriously, though; the NFL gets somewhat of a free pass here, I think, because, for all its popularity, it enjoys a lower place in the national consciousness than MLB.

pain-ther fan said...

First off, I'd like to thank the staff at KSK for finally mentioning my Panthers. Second, if your going to be a douchebag and call out a team for something that happened 3 years ago (nhz) get your facts straight. The players implicated in the Panthers "Steroid Controversy" were Offensive linemen, Jeff Mitchell and Todd Stussie, and tight end Kris Mangum. While Peppers was suspended for the presence of Ephedra, his sample was tainted from his taking Sudafed, which I'm sure many readers are taking right now. No defensive lineman were cited in the "Steroid Controversy"

Get your shit straight, cause my boys are goin' to whip some ass...

next year...

maybe....

'cause we suck ass this year...

'cause David Carr was a big waste and total tease.

Matt said...

@ pain-ther fan

Being the Texans fanatic that I am, I was more than happy to unload Carr. That's a failed experiment that is much more fun to watch when it is not happening on my team.

Do you think Arthur Blank would give a nut to have Matt Schaub back?

pain-ther fan said...

@ matt

As a panther fan, I would like to say, FUCK YOU.

Just kidding, if it wasn't for the Texans, we would have had the #1 pick in the 2002 draft, and we would have taken Carr then. So at least we got Peppers at the #2 slot, and waited 5 years to get Carr and find out how bad he sucks.

And yes, Falcon's fans would absolutely cream themselves to have had Schaub this year

Dusty said...

Mo fatass Vaughn probably used them because he thought he could get high off em.

I think the SC guys are getting a woodie being able to say the word 'buttocks' over and over again with regard to Mcnamee shooting up Clemens big butt.

NHZ said...

pain-ther fan - my bad. I started drinking rather early yesterday, and you are completely justified in calling me on my BS.

pain-ther fan said...

That's cool NHZ, buckle your chin strap and go knock the shit outta somebody!!!

+1 to nhz for humility