Sunday, December 30, 2007

Mike Vanderjagt Has His Idiot Kicker Title Wrested Away


This is Garo Yepremian, former kicker for the ’72 Dolphins, part-time Joe Garagiola impersonator, and the ra-ra retard who used Super Bowl VII as a showcase for his Brian Boitano-esque throwing style. Well apparently, Garo isn’t all too pleased with the Patriots going 16-0. And he still believes they have much to prove. And if anyone has a right to talk trash about the Patriots, it’s some shithead kicker who lucked into a spot on a undefeated Super Bowl team.

"We were the first ones to climb Mount Everest," Yepremian said late Saturday. "If New England comes and does it, then they can be the second ones. But you usually don't remember No. 2. I remember Sir Edmund Hillary was the first one to climb Mount Everest. I don't remember who did it the second time. Do you?"

That would be Tenzing Norgay, the man who accompanied Hilary. Oh, and you’re an idiot. Go home and work on your bobbling technique, Garo. Or why not root for the Patriots now instead? After all, Patriot fans are completely insufferable douchebags who spend their days wolfing down cum-soaked fruitcake. I’m sure you'll fit right in with them.

22 comments:

Mike said...

If Garo challenges Gostkowski to a "Throw The Ball Backwards While Moving Your Arm Forward" contest, my money's on the bald Armenian.

It'll help balance the scales after Brady demolishes Griese in the "Bryant Gumble Sucks The QB's Dick At Midfield" competition.

Then it's down to Shula vs. Belichek in the world-class asshole coach tie-breaker.

peter king crowned my ass said...

Tenzing Nor-gay. Heh.

Jelly B. Good said...

I've found that fruitcake being as dense as it is does not soak up cum adequately. Cum-soaked pound cake on the other hand... mmm, mmm, mmm, now them's some gooood eats.

ColeTrain said...

Yepremian, Kardashian... are all famous Armenians jackasses?

Jason said...

This just proves my theory that all of the '72 Dolphins have lost their minds. As if I needed more proof, this idiot goes to to say "I can't say how I feel because they haven't done it yet. If I had hair, I would look like Tom Cruise. But I don't have any hair. They haven't done it, so how I can I say how I feel?"

Wait, what? If you had hair you'd look like Tom Cruise? What the fuck does that even mean? If you had hair, you'd look like a dick, with hair

dickey simpkins said...

Couldn't you picture Brady and Belichick going on ESPN in 20 years when some other team is vying for perfection and they are the same old crusty fucks being whiny bitches about the whole scenario? Brady could talk about how much humble pie he ate, and Belichick could talk about how he sold his soul many years ago to achieve greatness.

Barry said...

Dickey:

I don't think the president of the united states will give a fuck when someone else goes undefeated. Oh, and Belichick will be dead.

SeanMcQ said...

I'm not a Pats fan, by any means, but isn't the "mountain" that Mr. limp-wristed idiot kicker referring to higher than it used to be? I mean, last time I checked, 19-0 is better than 17-0, right?

I heard Mercury "douchebag" Morris make the same analogy. If this Patriots team goes 19-0, it'll be like they climbed Everest, knocking back the '72 Dolphis down to K-2, Denali, or Kilamanjaro status.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Cum-soaked fruitcake! That's exactly what I had for breakfast this morning. How on earth did you know?

Also: yay.

Ok that's the only time, I promise.

William said...

Hey look everyone, it's the kicker who missed 13 field goals on a team that didn't play a .500 team talking shit!

http://www.nfl.com/players/garoyepremian/profile?id=YEP415291

the Associated Dress said...

Oh, Garo, you may just be remembering the second expedition to ascend Mount Everest. Don't forget those gay icons, George Mallory and Andrew Irvine, who may have died on the descent of their summiting Everest.

Robocats said...

Classy fellow. I'd ask how he can look at himself in the mirror after being such a jackass, but I guess a bald kicker best remembered for throwing a ball off the back of his head hasn't had an easy time of that for a while.

The bright spot to all of this that Belichek is such an antisocial, bitter fuck that in 20 years he won't even leave his house. He'll be more tolerable than Shula simply because of his absence.

Robocats said...

Wow, big points to the associated dress for making Garo seem like way more of a prick than he already did.

Grimey said...

"No, I asked for RUM-soaked fruitcake!"

/wah-wah-wah-WAHHHH

Raskolnikov said...

Garo, Mt. Everest has grown since Mercury Morris snorted all of the snow on the peak. You'll be forgotten like Ozymandias.

Dusty said...

You couldn't put up a real players point of view on this?

Fuck that bald bag o shit.

Alex said...

BDD,

Who's your Tenzing Norgay?

/Coen Bros reference

The Pirate Sloth said...

Why hasn't anyone broked Tom Brady's knees yet?!?!?!

Drew - up that damned bounty for the playoffs.

joejoejoe said...

A kicker who went 7-19 beyond 40 yards talking smack? Yepremian isn't fit to polish Tenzing Norgay's carabiner.

DeezeNutz said...

mmmmm i love me some cum soaked fruitcake

Stevie the K said...

I have just two words for him:

Buzz Aldrin.

Otto Man said...

And if Gary had even less hair, he'd look like Dick Vitale.