Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Welp, Looks Like SI Found a Replacement for Rick Reilly

Guhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

A love letter to Brett Favre. Because what else would it be?

26 comments:

Nelson said...

"I might tell a story about his dead-on imitation of Billy Bob Thornton's character in Sling Blade . . . "

I always assumed Billy Bob modeled his character after Favre.

Crazy Little Thing said...

I love the photo caption:

"Over the years King (left) has gotten to know the other side of Brett Favre."

Too easy.

Hooks Orpik said...

Reading that article seriously made me feel like a total homo.

Gourmet Spud said...

She only asked for one thing - to have her picture taken with Brett and me.

Because like all little girls, she dreamed of growing up one day to marry the star quarterback, or the fat, middle-aged sportswriter.

StuScottBooyahs said...

"It's for your cock" he whispered sweetly

Junker23 said...

Oh My God. I think PK thinks he and Favre actually dated for a while there.

pain-ther fan said...

And at that moment I realized, that little girl, was me.




PK is such a tool.

Bstone said...

They got a kick out of Brett's ordering the sliced ostrich, along with tenderloin of Texas antelope.

Reading that in King's soy-mocchiato voice is hysterical to me for some reason.

Oops Pow Surprise said...

Well, that was terrifying.

ben said...

I kept reading that waiting for the "and the time he totally wrecked me by that lake on Naboo" line.

Captain Caveman said...

Is anyone else terrified that he remembers PRECISELY what Favre ordered for dinner ten years ago?

The Big Picture said...

What King doesn't tell you is that Brittany Favre, now 19, runs in the same circles as the Reid children.

Bstone said...

@ CC

Exactly. Anyone who didn't jerk nightly to #4 would just say "He ate antelope". And only because it fits with the story. The "sliced" and "Texas" adjectives are just flat out fucking creepy.

DucTape said...

Granted, PK's a huge tool... but having a man-crush on the best QB in the history of the league, who also happens to be a great human being, does not a ghey make.

Either that, or I'm as gay as a bag of dicks.

Gourmet Spud said...

@ pain-ther fan:

Still laughing at that one.

lost said...

Wilbon says: I'm not surprised that PK can readily provide a 9-year-old girl upon request.

crazy little thing- I'm sure the caption editor knew exactly what he was doing when he wrote that

LiarLidimew said...

PK: Get over here and get out of those Levi's

BF: There Wranglers!

PK: Oh whatever you crazy, handsome, fool

BF: There Wranglers dammit!

PK: Ok, don't angry Farvy

BF: I am an everyday American, I like to play football in the backyard and wear my Wranglers. I thought you would know that after spending so much time staring at my ass dammit!

Mike said...

As we speak, John Madden is crafting Favre a big red heart from construction paper.

Hercules Rockefeller said...

31-24, Brett Favre. Never forget.

Five Pound Bag said...

Good point, Herc. Brooke should have given him a lucky Vicodin instead.

Real Men Eat Haggis said...

My WV was wsdidhg...my first thought was:

Wimpy Sportswriter DID Hot Guy

Then I forgot what I was going to say in the first place

squishdeadfish said...

Anyone else get the feeling PK may have just straight-up fabricated this shit?

""Tell Brooke sorry," he said with a wry smile. "I guess it wasn't very lucky for me today."" ???

One thing I think he thinks: I think Peter King thinks he's writing the last great American novel or something. The above comes from a scene where, having killed countless enemies using only his tough-but-gentle hands, Favre lies on the ground, mortally wounded. Romo, Brady and Brees, the 3 remaining FIVE QUARTERBACKS (Manning already died in a scene exactly identical to this one) are already lost from view, fighting more enemies on a neutral field in Wichita, Kansas (the only non-NFL city Peter can name). Despite Peter's frantic mouth-to-penis resuscitation, Favre is fading fast. "Tell Brooke...sorry", Brett says, his voice raspy and his load sticky. Peter drinks 8 or 13 $6 coffees to get it all out of his mouth, and then becomes the first person ever to fly on a plane next to a crying baby! (Aggravating!)

Pat said...

I think the creepiest part is that he clearly kept the penny in his sock drawer (or worse!) for the past ten years.

Chamomiles Davis said...

PK: "Hey Brett, nice game."

BF: "Thanks Pete; nice gunt."

Slash said...

Jebus, I could discern the man love from the first paragraph. The whole column might as well have been this:

PK: Me love you long time... ZIP, SLURP...

I don't think Favre's parents love him that much.

e.boye said...

...and Stephen A thinks KSK is unqualified to publish...

holy shit, Pete - take a look at what you just wrote, and ask yourself this question: "I wonder if Brett noticed that my press pass was hanging over Mr. MiniFarve... I hope he knows it was for him."

for your sake, Peter, I hope he did.