Sunday, November 4, 2007

Purple Jesus Produces A Second Coming In My Pants


Reader Gavin B. writes:

I nominate the following name changes:

Adrian Peterson is no longer Purple Jesus, he's just plain old Jesus.

Jesus (the "son of God" Jesus) is now to be called "Carpenter Jesus."

Make it so.


Works for me. Hey Childress, this is what happens when you let the best player on your team play more than 40% of the snaps. Fucking dumbfuck.

18 comments:

mind... said...

DUDE!!! not cool.

although he clearly has no problem sodomizing men.

MDT said...

My only connection to the state of Minnesota is having seen Fargo once and listening to a lot of Mitch Hedberg. I didn't even know Oklahoma was still a state. And I only have Him in one of my four fantasy leagues (the Deadspin D-list). Yet looking at that stat line produced a sheer joy that not even this inevitable, soul-crushing Brady comeback will take away.

As soon as you guys start producing dashboard figurines, let me know.

Jez said...

FUCK! 2 minute warning. Come on, Freeney, stop being a cock, and BREAK BRADY'S FUCKING LEG AND COLLECT THE $50! COME ON!!!

Did I mention I was a Packer fan?

Publius said...

Purple Jesus makes Brooks Bollinger cry tears of joy... "you mean, all I have to do is hand off??"

You don't win friends with salad and you don't win games with Wisconsin Qbs.

miamidiesel said...

I would let this man anally penetrate me, and I would enjoy it.

Uhh, way to channel your inner-Simmons there Drew. Speaking of Le Sports Douche, I hope that Derek Jeter gives both his son and his daughter herpes some day in the not-too-distant future...

JAMMQ said...

U fuckin' heathon' Jews . . .

Big Daddy Drew said...

Oh, fine. I'll change it.

I write a three-sentence homer post once every so often. Do you see me filling pages and pages with this shit?

Come Monday, you'll get your regularly scheduled all-encompassing hatred.

ben said...

Have him in both my leagues. I now have a 50 point lead on everybody.

He is at the very least Fantasy Football Jesus.

naptown drew said...

Wait, I missed consensual homosexual anal penetration?

Put it back! Put it back!

bfreakin3 said...

my guess is Childress did his best Principal Skinner in pregame.

"peterson, go out and see how many yards you can rush for in a game, and next week, we'll try to beat that record."

JAMMQ said...

I write a three-sentence homer post once every so often . . .

That's an accomplishment in itself considering Tarvaris Jackson is your quarterback.

He supports carpenter-Jesus . . . so there!

/pointing finger admonishingly

brad said...

Let me participate in some Homerism by saying Marshawn Lynch is nice, very nice.

But Peterson is a MEAST AND A HALF!

It's one thing to rush for 150 yards and a score against a bad Bengals' D, but what Peterson did to San Diego is truly the personification of measty.

I guess he IS what Herschel Walker was SUPPOSED to be.

Pemulis said...

"I would let this man anally penetrate me, and I would enjoy it.

Uhh, way to channel your inner-Simmons there Drew. Speaking of Le Sports Douche, I hope that Derek Jeter gives both his son and his daughter herpes some day in the not-too-distant future..."


see, i didnt read it that way. i read it and thought "wow, what a fag... aw shucks, who am i kidding, i'd let him penetrate me too.. but i'm into role playing so i would pretend like i wasnt enjoying it. plus i'd be dressed a fireman while it happened."

Alex said...

Man, I have PJ and Dreamboat on my team and I still am only 5-4. Maybe I shouldn't start BYE week players.

Matt said...

AJ Hawk hurt Larry Johnson today.

Jesus, you're next. 7 days until Jesus dies. 3 years until the resurrection....wait, it's the Vikings, more like 10.

naptown drew said...

@brad

Yes, AP is mighty Meastly. Don't even try to fight it. Just relax your bowels...

Daniel said...

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6153371209283834109

Amen, brother Zeus!

Moof! said...

Fuck you Matt. Do not ever speak of the purple lord and saviour like that. I hope when you piss it burns. Cunt.