Monday, November 12, 2007

Craphonso! (Colts Lose Two In A Row)

Those sweet, sweet tears you hear being cried from the Hoosier state? Enjoy them. Bathe in them. Dump buckets of them on your lawn and watch it grow. The Colts have just lost two games in a row and I'm so happy about it. I am downright goddamn giddy. UM will have a big lifestyle change forthcoming as a result of this game, but he can tell you about that later.

Peyton threw SIX FUCKING PICKS in this game, which is six more than the career NFL totals of all the contributors of this blog. Watching Peyton get annoyed when he'd have to call for the snap twice (when Saturday didn't see him lift his leg up the first time) was fun enough. But watching him at his worst doing what he does best was the best, that was a little slice of heaven, almost as good as getting my balls licked.

I'll always contend that hating the Mannings is the most fun because it's all over their fucking faces when calamity strikes. They start as mildly annoyed, then grow to hate life as the day goes on. Watching Peyton with that "I just gurgled my own tartar sauce" face on the bench led to this exchange on my couch:

Her: Wow, look at Peyton. The Fetus Head is having a rough go of it.
Me: Yeah, right now he has a real de-fetus attitude.

Norv Turner got his ass bailed out by Vinatieri, whose push from 30 yards was the perfect climax to an entertaining game. Additionally, and I know it's been said before, but Norv frightens children whose parents own HDTVs. I truly believe this is God's way of punishing me for not giving a shit about the wildfires. I bet Norv could hid about $500 cash and three ounces of blow in the various crevaces of his face, making the Chargers' location (just minutes from the Mexican border) more than ideal. It's not like you can search a guy's face. With the steriod-laden Shawne Merriman returning to form, the team could not have asked for a better mule.

Oh, and was it raining during the game last night? I never heard them mention anything about that...

29 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

oh and Harrison and Clark didn't play.

just making sure everyone was aware.

Mr Furious said...

Has Peyton been spreading his tartar sauce on Vinatieri's sandwiches Dylan-Baker-in-"Happiness"-style?

I LOVE to see Linus lose it...

5150 said...

Colts never should have had a shot, the Chargers never should have won.

Fuck em.

I could cry.

5150 said...

Oh yeah, don't forget about Ugoh and Gonzo being out. I'm not quite sure if Vinateri was there either. I think it was Vanderjagt kicking.

Paulie3Sticks said...

Norv's no beauty queen, but I wish I could heal all the injured Colts if only to spare me from seeing Aaron Moorehead. He looks like one of the creatures from Night Breed.

smurphette said...

Not only was Ugoh out, but backup LT Charlie Johnson and RT Ryan Diem both left the game with injuries. Still, one of those missed field goals or, I don't know, throwing FEWER THAN 6 picks likely would have sealed a win. Jesus fucking Christ.

Steve H said...

Look, I'm trying to be a good teammate here...let's just say we had some problems with protection...I mean, injuries.

Hank Wackman said...

All I know is you assholes owe me $1000 if Adrian Peterson (note that I'm not using the blasphemous name that you bestowed upon him along with the inevitable blown out knee)misses considerable time due to your never ending jinxing of his abilities. Fuck you all.

5150 said...

Any Patriot fans who still think the officials are on the Colts side, I can think of two, maybe three, bullshit calls the refs made last night.

Whistle on the interception in the enzone
Defensive pass interference toward the endzone
Possibly: Simulating the snap.

All bullshit, except for the last one. I'm still waiting for an explanation on that one.

ColeTrain said...

I don't care if Tony Dungy missed the game because discovered the joys of late night at Tiki Bob's - there was no excuse for the Colts losing that game.

Hell, rookie Purple Jesus and his disciples on the offensive line beat the Bolts single handed. You think that with more weapons, the Colts might have been able to pull it out.

Steve H said...

@5150 - yeah, and they only called one 30 yard pass interference call on a ball that was thrown 10 yards out of bounds! Only one! Not two like last week...only one...stupid refs...

5150 said...

Fuck that, the Colts outstanding receiving core could've jumped up and caught that ball. Craphonso Thorpe has a 124" vertical, although, in all fairness, Aaron Moorhead is usually lucky enough to figure out which way to run after the ball is snapped.

john said...

"Look, I'm trying to be a good teammate here...let's just say we had some problems with protection...I mean, injuries."

+500 steve h.

Monday Morning Punter said...

I really wanted to see Norv piss that game away, but watching a Vinatieri miss was even better.

If the uprights are 50' taller, I'm not sure that he doesn't bank that in.

Bstone said...

Antonio Cromartie = the new Ty Law

StuScottBooyahs said...

how can you waste time hating the colts when there is more patriot-hating to be done?

Gourmet Spud said...

For all the image coaching he must have had, it's amazing Manning still doesn't know how to suck it up on the sidelines. I actually want to like the guy, but it's so damn hard.

I also enjoyed the new "Sports Gal" feature in MMP's column (or is it the Flaming Redhead?...)

5150 said...

Yeah, Manning should sit there smiling and joking around after throwing 6 TD's and having one of the worst games of his career.

Usually, after letting your team down, you not smiling like a retard at the Special Olympics.

The guy is a human. Unlike Brady, who was genetically formed from DNA strands donated by God, extraterrestrials, and Secretariat.

Steve H said...

I agree with spud and 5150. I'm really thinking it may be time for ole' 18 to hang em up to devote his attention to his true love...acting in commercials. I guarantee you that after a bad shoot he wouldn't be laughing...he'd be blaming it on an inferior.

The Unreliable Narrator said...

Norv has never met a lead he won't sit on. Last night only proved the notion that if push come to shove . . . it rather just lay on the couch and veg out to some Fleetwood Mac.

Just looks like a Mac guy.

Gourmet Spud said...

@5150: He doesn't need to be smiling and joking. But he could stand to internalize his temper tantrums a bit more.

Jackin'4Beats said...

God-damned Manning. Great time to have the worst game of your career fucker. And who's the jogger for Jeebus up there...i'm talking to you hank wackman. Are you some type of Kitna disciple you crack whore?

/upset b/c of fantasy football

5150 said...

I blame myself for benching Manning in favor of Brees this week. Sorry Peyton.

JAMMQ said...

oh and Harrison and Clark didn't play.

just making sure everyone was aware.


And the game was played outside in fucking weather. FUCKING WEATHER, PEOPLE.

How can Peyton be expected to play in those conditions?!?!

Pfft!

Hank Wackman said...

@Jackin'4Beats
1st: Your mom's a crack whore.
2nd: It was meant as a joke. They were testing karma, the fuckers, and they got burned. Now PJ is fucked up along with my chances at winning a cool G.

5150 said...

Huh, seems like the Super Bowl was played in some kind of open arena, where droplets of liquid were falling from the top of the atmosphere? So bizarre. It almost seems like, maybe I'm being foolish, but I think the Colts won that game. Huh, weird.

Geoff Bronner '91 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
swing4 said...

... the Chargers' location (just minutes from the Mexican border...

Or, during daylight, four hours.

peter king crowned my ass said...

four hours = 240 minutes.